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 Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:51 am
I thought I saw a thread on this earlier, but can't seem to find it.
I'm polyamorous by nature, and my wife has just informed me that while she's tried polyamory (with males who were more inclined to try and separate us than simply enjoy their time with her) she feels she's monogamous. Has anyone in this guild had experience with mixed relationships of this nature?
I've done all that I can to try and make her comfortable, but she tends to be full of insecurities and jealousy. She's asking once again that I go monogamous with her. I'm just not certain I can do that sad
She fears that she is inadequate to me, and that I love her less than whole heartedly. Both are quite mistaken. But I still feel the desire to date others as well. Granted, I've had little luck finding people who are willing to even consider dating a married man.
TLDR: Mixed monogamy and polyamory, your experience or ideas?
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Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:26 am
It's very possible.
You say she's asking you to be monogamous with her - find out why! What is the driving reason behind her desire for you to be monogamous? Many times, feeling of fear, insecurity, inadequacy, jealousy, concern over getting hurt, etc can be worked through with good communication. Assure her that she will never be replaced.
Sometimes the mono partner will stew for a while and feel resentful, then after a few weeks, blow up with lots of jealousy and hurt. Do your best to prevent this. Be open to talk whenever needed. Arrange a weekly "check in," say in the quiet hour after dinner, to talk about your thoughts and emotions.
Arrange a weekly "date night" and stick to it. Don't allow any other person to come between you and your date night with your wife. The monogamous partner in a mono-poly relationship often responds very well to consistency. (Don't do this the same day as a "check in!" Make your date all about enjoying each other.)
Get her input. Talk about what your mono-poly relationship will look like. Would she like to have your other partner(s) come over for tea? Or would she prefer not to interact with them very much? What are your rules for safer sex? What happens if your other relationship gets "serious?" I recommend the book "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. It'll help get you talking.
Finally, dating. You say you're having little luck finding people - where are looking for partners?
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 7:22 pm
Thanks for the reply, Armadillo, but I am just checking in the guild to once again leave...she and I had a long discussion this weekend and after alot of unclear statements it finally boiled down to polyamory or her sad
if anyone wishes they can message and I'll check in at the public thread from time to time, but I'm taking the guild off of my list.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:50 am
Once again, I am back...I couldn't force myself into the mono mindset. After much talking we are going to give mono/poly a try. We need to give us alot of work first though. I just wanted to let the crickets in the guild know that I was back *wink* I'll probably delurk in the threads from time to time too.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:44 am
Saew Once again, I am back...I couldn't force myself into the mono mindset. After much talking we are going to give mono/poly a try. We need to give us alot of work first though. I just wanted to let the crickets in the guild know that I was back *wink* I'll probably delurk in the threads from time to time too. Good luck. heart
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