There is nothing you can do or say that he wont forgive. There is NOTHING on this earth or in the heavens that can separate us from his love. We are human, we are frail by nature. God doesnt look at sin to judge us, he looks at the heart. Your heart is in the right place because you obviously are very remorseful, so keep praying, and dont let it weigh you down. The blame and the guilt is no longer yours to carry, because it was already carried from Jerusalem to Golgatha. Jesus has taken that place for you so that you can be forgiven. Forgiven you are, so never fret.