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 Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 2:23 pm
Me and my husband decided over a year ago that we were interested in a polyfidelity relationship. I posted somewhere else what that means, but I'll say it again here: We want a relationship where everyone is emotionally attached to each other. We want love and commitment, not just sex out of it.
Over the last year, we've met people. A LOT of people. And they all seem to be really... flaky. Show up, say they were really interested in us, but never talk to us again. Or just ditch us. Or just stop talking to us, for who knows what reason...
One couple we were actually starting to get serious with, the husband suddenly decided that oh, hey, he doesn't want to get emontionally attached to anyone else at the moment, is that okay with us? ******** NO.
That left me really depressed and angry for a while... it didn't help that my husband and his wife were getting along just fine, so if we wanted just an attachment there, that would have worked, but since we both wanted to get emotionally attached to people, it didn't work at all.
Most of the other people don't seem to want to get attached, even though on OKC and pretty much everywhere else we've looked, we've said "NO FWB, NO ******** BUDDIES. Friends FIRST, damn it!" and they don't seem to get it. We've had people tell us "Oh, my boyfriend says it's okay that I sleep around!" and we're just like "Umm... good for you? Not what we're interested in AT ALL." confused
We're not boring people, we're not mean, we're open and honest... but we can't seem to find anyone that even remotely matches us. We've tried really hard to in the last year, and it's just... getting really REALLY discouraging to both of us.
On OKC, I've messaged several people, and never tend to get a response. The only messages I tend to get are very rare, maybe once a month, and usually from people that just want sex, or are old enough to be my dad. Or from people that reply once, and then never talk to me again.
Are we doing something wrong? Does it take years just to find a third person? Bleh. cry
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:19 pm
Unless I can talk to you guys in person, know how you're presenting your OkC ad, etc., it's very hard to make a judgment and tell you what you're doing wrong but that's a bit too close for comfort.
I'd like to think that most of the problems are related to society and mainstream beliefs about sex and relationships though. It's a lot harder to commit to a person or a group of people emotionally than it is just physically. This applies not only to private relationships but also to business partnerships and pretty much any other kind of group effort. Judging from my peers, it seems that most people are okay with casual and/or open relationships but a serious relationship with more than 2 people involved seems like too much drama to them.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:27 am
It's hard to find a relationship, let alone relationship to put someone on the third wheel. I would offer but I don't know a lot about you and your husband.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:41 am
If you're looking for a partner and want to be friends first- why aren't you still talking to the couple where the husband wanted to take a break? I mean, if people are friends first- then the friendship should be able to survive him changing his mind.
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