NO YOU GO TO HELL, proper way of handling crushing rejection

[Renard Muldrake]

Hey Suites. How's it going? Really sorry to hear about your dog. Yeah, me too more or less. You know how it is though, s**t happens.

Anyway, with reintroductions out of the way I can get down to the meat stacked on more meat wedged between yet even more meat, kinda of like a one those double down sammich's at KFC, but less cripplingly... meaty. I'm sure that some of you have noticed that I'm hardly around anymore, unless there's trouble in the real world, because I intermittently live a life these days, not a very impressive one, but I did choke a lion once. And any of you that've trudged through my occasional b***h-fests may know that most of my joys, & sorrows these days revolve around a gal, a gorgeous, talented, caring, gal who's to be completely honest kind of short, but there are worse things. I mean some of you guys are short, & I don't condone it, but I won't speak out against it. I guess the point of this paragraph is that I'm talking about Casie, again.

Some of you may even remember the whole dealio back in October about that rotten, no good, yella-bellied, son of a gun Cody who I kinda want to curse a pox upon even now, but don't have the means. Seriously he's a straight up b*****d, & to be honest in the face he resembles, a plague scarred iguana. Well, after b*****d-face was dealt with we finally starting getting close again even closer than we used to be, & without a pus faced sleestak (I can only assume he was a sleestak, reptoid's aren't that mindlessly evil) in the way she was finally starting to warm up to me again, the sexual tension wasn't exactly boiling, but it had started to fizzle a little, ya know? Kinda like when you've got a serious case of cotton-mouth, & eat a pop rock.

Basically though, right as I was finally wearing away at her slowly by always being around, helping in anyway I could, showing genuine concern at even the slightest wrongs the world did her, & basically showering her in my undying love both through actions, & words, hoping that one day she'd give up, & settle for me even though we both know she could do so much better, Garrett appeared. Suspiciously he was also reptilian in visage, & gruesomely acne scarred, that's what originally tipped me off, then his constant disrespect for women, Casie in general, followed by his blatantly obvious attempts to gain her favor solely to gain entry to her pants. I honestly guess I should've realized it when he spent all of his time pumping me for her interests, & funny little anecdotes that happened to us years, ago & developing sudden, & cursory interests in all those things.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that once again just as we were finally going somewhere, I got blown off for the newest a*****e to roll through town, & it really sucks to watch these guys constantly treat her like s**t, then throw her away when they're done, so I can pick up the pieces, & start it all over again, just to have her snatched away again when I get my hopes up, & that it really hurts. Emotionally because I'm just so angry, & miserable, & jealous, & I'm not ever sure if she really cares about me, or if I even deserve to have someone as amazing, & just damn near perfect as she is care about me. And, physically because whenever I get really jealous, I get sick to my stomach, & also because I got angry, & punched a street lamp, & I broke my wrist, again. It just it really upsets me the way she lets people treat her, & then goes on about how I'm the only person who makes her happy anymore, all the while pushing me aside for the troubled (possibly lizard people) douche bags, with horrible skin, who hurt her in the first place.

TL, & thus DR: Next time I see a shooting star, I'm wishing for world peace for everyone, but me. That way Casie, & all the other women who dig troubled guys will love me, only me. Nobody else.  

[Den Dristige Djevelen]

~*~

Renard.

You know I love you, right?

And because of that love, you know I'm going to be honest with you, right?

Okay.

So.

Here you go.

You deserve so much better than her.

Yeah. I said it.

It's apparent in your posts about this Casie that you have made your affection for her quite obvious. It's evident even to some schmo here on the east coast that you care for her, and because of that, it should be quite in-her-face that you'd do anything for her.
And, seeing that you would happily take a Greyhound bus to the frontal lobe to spare her the incident, she bounces off to throw her affections at complete jackasses.
Call me crazy, but I think that's a crock of bullshit on her part.
I know you love this woman, but it's really hard for me to see you beating the s**t out of yourself for her, especially when she seems to be knocking you on your a** for kicks. That's a horrible way for her to be treating you, and an even more horrible way to go about a friendship, or want-to-be-more-than-friends-ship.
I could be completely wrong, or have potentially had too much coffee today, but my opinions right now are that you both need to get your heads out of your asses.

~*~

 

[scrub]

After reading your post I got the same kind of picture as Dris really. It may be time to move past her...

Did you ever actually ask her out or make a proper move on her though?
Some girls will just never make that first move themselves.  

[Renard Muldrake]

On one hand, the one that's able to think logically sometimes, I think you're both right. But on the other hand, & both feet, I really care about her, & I've tried moving on, but it never really works. She means so much to me, & I just don't really know how to explain it. I think part of it's because she needs me, because someone has to be around to dust her off, when she get's thrown away, & I just need to be needed. I mean nothing's healthier than a relationship founded on mutual neurosis, right?

When it's just the two of us, things are great. I'm happier than I ever used to be, & so is she, but it seems like whenever we start to get too close again she freaks out, & ditches, & it all starts over.

And yeah, Scrub I have. A handful of times, there's always an excuse, "I"m just not really doing the dating thing right now, I don't want to ruin the friendship we've had for so long," & my favorite "You know I'm moving to Memphis in a few months for art school, it'd just be hard with that much distance." Memphis is two ******** hours away, she already lives an hour's drive from me, & I spend almost every day with her. And I asked her about the thing with Garrett, & she swears it doesn't mean anything to her, it's just a fling, & she's breaking it off when she leaves but it just hurts that she prioritizes some meaningless fling over my feelings.

I know it's not fair to me, I just I don't care. As long as she's happy, I can get by. I'm just really upset, & when I get upset I get stupid.

Thanks though.  

[Adorky]

While it's understandable for wanting her to be happy, how will that make you happy? It's obviously not happening for your own happiness and really, in order for there to be stability in a relationship, it has to be a 50-50 contribution on both parties. It takes two to tango, all that jazz.

The heart is a stupid thing sometimes. Even if you say you're over something, odds are that's not how your heart real feels. @_@  

[ecopper12]

Okay, so, I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, and I don't even know where this is coming from, or if it makes any sense. I'm lost as to why I am saying this myself. It's not hurtful in anyway, or cross, so I'll just say it.

Keep it up.

Crazy, right? Anyway, when I say that, I mean you should keep doing what you are doing. You said you are happy if she is happy, and obviously she is happy when you help her. So, even if you not with her, you still find solace in helping her right? That's good. Maybe, all she needs to know is that you will always be there for her. I don't know how long you have been doing this, but it seems like a fair amount of time. Who knows? The very next day she could come to you. If you genuinely care about her, your relationship shouldn't have to be above friends until she is ready. I'm not saying give up asking her and wait for her to come to you. I'm saying keep it up and keep showing her dedication. Maybe she will come to her senses.

...Did I just make any sense? If not disregard this. After all, I am fifteen. I know nothing about love and heartbreak. If it did make sense, know that I said this with no malicious intent. If I offended you in any way with this post, it was not intentional in the slightest.

Keep it up, Renard. Don't lose hope.  

[[ s e m p e r ]]

Is your wrist better now?  

[Yaoinaut]

I'm on pretty much the same side as all the girls here.

She does not deserve you, and from reading your posts, I'm fairly sure she's just taking advantage of you.

She only comes to you when she's been ******** over. She comes to you, because she knows she has you wrapped carefully around her pinkie, and you will carefully boost her ego again.

It seriously sounds like she doesn't give a ******** about you. If she did, she wouldn't give you these lame excuses but jump to every other guy.

I know you like her, but I cannot seriously fathom why.  

[Renard Muldrake]

Semper, my wrist is better actually, for the most part.

Yeah, I hear that from pretty much everyone, & it's probably true, but to be completely honest I've kinda got this whole mindless devotion thing goin' on, & that can be hard to break. Also, when someone's been one of the more important people in your life for the majority of it, it's kinda hard to hear the negatives about them, & even harder to believe them.  

[Adorky]

That's understandable. When I was with my ex, Dan, I refused to hear anything negative about him, even though he cheated on me. Ultimately, I learned when he left me without telling me to break up with me, that everything everyone said was true.

In the end, if it keeps happening again and again and you're going to reach a breaking point where you are going to snap and it's not going to be pretty. Even if she means the world to you now, there may be a time where if you keep letting her do this, you may not even see her in a good light at all by that point..  

[Szen]

I have to agree with most people here. I get upset when I see girls get used like this. I understand where you're coming from, but it's a pretty shitty situation. :C  

[Renard Muldrake]

I hate feeling stupid, when I'm being stupid. It makes it a lot harder to justify.

Thanks for all the words, & concern guys, & like I dunno I guess I'm sorta trying to not exactly get over her, but work around the sad obsession.

I did hit it off with this really hot, hippy chick at a book store the other day, & she had freckles. I love freckles, like maybe more than anything in this world. It was a relatively successful hour long conversation, until I went to ask her name, & knocked over several of those cardboard book displays. She left. I uh, did also.  

[coldheartedangel]

You are being stupid. But, that's what matters of the heart do to someone xP

I know i am not exactly an expert on relationships (you know, with my whole lack of trust ect.), but you need to tell her.
Girls can be frustratingly oblivious to what is in front of them. Then it gets taken away and we realise what has been lost.

Then again, it could go the other way. My best friend for example.
He is always there for me, no matter what. A shoulder to cry on, someone to scream at/abuse and someone to drown my sorrows with when i calm down again. But, even if he did feel that way for me, i couldn't date him. We are too close, if that makes sense. It would be like dating my brother xP  

[Yaoinaut]

All you can do is work slowly at this. You've had this going for a long time. These feelings, they won't disappear over night, and you may have to force it along.

Whatever ends up happening, I wish you luck for the future.  

[Mezri]

After reading your whole post and, every comment in this topic I can say that I relate. I've been in love with someone else for years while someone else was in love with me. I'm not in your situation now. And every situation is different. However... it's very hard to step away from someone who brings you such light. The worth of a friendship far out-ways the destruction of unrequited love. She's not into you romantically. And that totally sucks. But that does not mean you should not enjoy what you have. It's not possible to walk away from her, it hurts too much to think about it. I know that.

The important thing is for you to not put your life on hold for her. It's good that you talked to the chickie with freckles. But, don't just talk to her get her phone number. Treat your friendship with Casie as such: a friendship. Enjoy the love for it but the best way to get out of it is to find someone who you can have a friendship and relationship with. Because, there is a fine line between being a close friend and being a close friend. Don't be her donkey when you're a stallion.


Or, you could of course, try breaking through the friend wall with Casie. I don't want to be rude but you're not going to do it as you are now. You will need to make some dramatic changes. As you are both responsible for the lack of motion romantically.

If she is walling you up, step back for a while. Let her go out with those who do not respect her. Then do not pick her up right away. Let her come to you. You should always let her come to you so that you're offering her a favor. Let her be reminded of your value and that you are not her butler. If she knows you're on call what incentive does she have to want you closer? What incentive does she have to go out with you when you're meeting all her needs as a friend?

The key to breaking the friend wall is to break down the role you have taken on. Do not take offense but you're not filling a male friend or, boyfriend role. You're filling a female friend role. And, no straight chick will want to go out with a guy who is acting like one of her female friends. I know there is this whole SNAG (sensitive new age guy) thing. But without reminding her that you're a dood, you're never going to get anywhere past the friendship. Guys and girls are different. So, remind her.

Don't see chick flicks with her. Don't hang out with her on valentine's day as two "single people" doods don't normally do that, girls do. Re establish your masculinity and give her the correct image of who you are. If you don't she'll continue to treat you like a girlfriend and you'll never get anywhere with her.