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 Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:13 pm
I personally have this sort of issue, and it worries me about what any future partner would think. I have scars on my left forearm where I've cut myself, taking up a good half maybe of my upper left forearm. White ridges sliced across my skin.
And I've had this worry for a while... Would someone still want to be with me, knowing I'm a little bit messed up, far enough as to cause harm to myself? The phase has passed, but of course the scars remain, and it's been bugging me.
If I have an 'imperfection' on me (Which I due, acne's a b***h), or rather, imperfections, I can see why some guys would turn away from me.
I'm that girl in the novels, sometimes. where she likes manga and anime and drawing and writing and video games and comic books, etc. People think that that girl, the 'best friend' would be great to have as a girlfriend. Uh... No. Hasn't happened to me yet.
But will my scars just ruin more?
Like... I know there are people out there with worse scars. Burn marks, bruises and such, permanent little 'blemishes' that could be seen as unattractive, even though we can't help it.
I don't really 'regret' cutting, I just don't like the idea of people never showing any interest because they know how my scars got here.
Sorry if this seems pointless...
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Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:37 pm
It is not pointless at all. I have often felt much the same way about my scars, while the majority of them are small, I do have a lot of scars and burns, and a while ago it really worried me if anyone could overlook them. While I have yet to be anything than single, people I have asked don't care about the scars so much. I know everyone is different but it really helped me when a friend talked me down about them one time. Plus, if somebody is stuck on your scars or anything, I would think that person is too superficial to deserve a person. Pretty much all I can say in this topic is, from my experience, your own head really psyches you out into thinking it is more blatant and glaring of a flaw than it really is. Also, to the point of your "Would be great to have as a girlfriend" well I am sure you would be, and it is just a matter of time for everyone, people with a bit of backstory included.
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Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:07 pm
I don't care about scars, burns, acne, imperfections, or anything else that someone doesn't have control over.
Self-inflicted wounds, on the other hand, would typically be a bit of a turn off for me. Mainly because I was in an extremely abusive relationship for four years so any signs of instability or aggression tend to really make me uneasy.
But that doesn't necessarily mean I'd never give a former cutter a chance either. If I felt confident that it was a thing of the past, the guy was currently stable, and we got along great, I wouldn't let his past or his scars be the only thing to get in the way of that.
But that's just me. Not everyone feels the same way. If a guy doesn't accept you, your scars, and your past, then he wasn't right for you anyway. So either way, no sense worrying about it. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:01 pm
its not pointless. and i sadly don't know how to answer or help. i have scars on my arms and legs so i always wear long sleves and pants and i'm scared of what another person will think of it but if a guy can't see past the scars and the pain and love you because of who you are then hes not wroth you time or tears.
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Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:06 pm
in the same situation. i've got self inflicted scars on my arms, legs, torso, and even my neck.
you'd hope a good, decent person would be willing to overlook it, and sometimes, having a relationship can help with the problem (i'm not saying it's a cure-all, but it does help if the person is willing to be supportive and help you through the situation whatever the situation may be).
and sauvie is right. if a person is going to be so vain that they can't overlook scars (self inflicted or not), burns (self inflicted or not), blemishes, or skin conditions (like birthmarks, psoriasis, vitiligo, etc.) then they really aren't cut out for a relationship, and will be very disappointed as they age and realize they can't be as picky as they'd like, but can't get past it ( the movie 'shallow hal' is a very good example i think)
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:26 am
I won't comment on the psychological issues of self-injury here since it's a major sore spot for me. (No, I don't self-injure.)
This can physically be remedied with a LOT OF DISCIPLINE and the right resources. Of course, you will have to resolve your own issues and refrain from self-injury. The scars themselves can slowly go away by applying vitamin E, Bio Oil or other similar products diligently.
If your acne is serious, you might want to see a dermatologist and/or get a full body check-up because it might relate to hormonal problems. Otherwise, most acne products at the pharmacy work well enough.
I personally have a few scars from an operation and some stupid sports-related injuries as well as acne but this hasn't stopped anything in terms of attraction. Don't worry about it. People tend to focus on the good features of potential mates rather than the bad ones. Confidence and poise attract more than physical features.
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:58 am
NomNomNominal I won't comment on the psychological issues of self-injury here since it's a major sore spot for me. (No, I don't self-injure.) This can physically be remedied with a LOT OF DISCIPLINE and the right resources. Of course, you will have to resolve your own issues and refrain from self-injury. The scars themselves can slowly go away by applying vitamin E, Bio Oil or other similar products diligently. If your acne is serious, you might want to see a dermatologist and/or get a full body check-up because it might relate to hormonal problems. Otherwise, most acne products at the pharmacy work well enough. I personally have a few scars from an operation and some stupid sports-related injuries as well as acne but this hasn't stopped anything in terms of attraction. Don't worry about it. People tend to focus on the good features of potential mates rather than the bad ones. Confidence and poise attract more than physical features. What she said xd
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Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:22 am
It amounts to the person, really. The ugly part is that there are persons who mean good and ill when it comes to trauma and being a trauma survivor of all sorts. I don't think you'll have a problem finding someone, but you may have difficulty finding someone who is healthy for you.
If you have healthier coping behaviours and have closed that chapter in your life you'll be more able to find someone who is healthy and encourages your healthy behavior over the not-so-healthy. Part of that may involve being open with your partner about your past, but everyone has a different process -- it may be better to let faded scars continue to fade.
Cutting is one of those easily polarizing topics and i've seen people react in a variety of ways, like all hot-button psychology topics; are the scars so extensive that you must disclose?
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Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 9:53 pm
thats just somethin in your pst let it go she/he will love you for who u are not wat you look lik under
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Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:06 pm
I don't mean to offend you or come off as I'm trying to do so but I feel like I should state my opinion.
I would be turned off by self-inflicted wounds.
It would probably make me embarrassed to be
around you in public if those scars were visible.
If they were light scars, it might be a different story.
I'd have to know your whole story about
why you did such a thing.
I'd have to know that you'd never do it again.
Scars are totally interesting to me,
so it wouldn't necessarily be a no thing. (:
I like learning about how people got the scars,
the stories are so interesting.
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Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:38 pm
I've never really been with a very scarred partner, but I wear my own scars as badges, with pride.
I have plenty of permanent bitemark scars on my neck, shoulders, sides, and one on my thigh.
One of the bitemark scars on my shoulder (though this one is more 'upper arm') used to look like an Ammonite, but now, it looks like a smiley-face :]
I find them to be attractive, as much as one can self-evaluate.
Certainly, I'm not self-conscious because of them.
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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:03 am
I have scars and burn marks as well. I have plenty of scars on my face and a huge one on my back from a fight, but it's never stopped anyone from asking me out.
The scars will fade and become less noticable over time. But if someone really cares for you then the scars wont matter hun.
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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:46 pm
You will find someone trust me on that one. I know from experience. My sister also has the issue with acne scarring and she found a wonderful guy in fact they're at a Holloween party in Chicago. I'm house sitting for her because she has cats. The guy she is with is sweet and kind and looks past the exterior and sees her for who she is. He even writes her wonderful poetry. I know there's someone out there for you I've seen it.
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Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:55 am
And to be perfectly honest.
Most scars are sexy.
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:47 pm
It's in no way pointless, a lot of people worry over one little physical imperfection or another.
It'll sound cliche, but someone out there is going to be willing to look past anything you find unattractive about yourself and love you for being who you are, and see the beauty in you.
Proof that it happens? I have panic attacks sometimes, and they can escalate to the point where I will claw skin off of my arms. So I have plenty of scars from that. I was attacked by some drunks ~10 years ago, and have this fading scar on my throat, wrists, and thighs. I got dragged behind a horse when I was young and have a huge, ugly scar on my back. I also work on a farm, I'm not exactly the most graceful person in the world, and I have terrible acne. So there's a whole 'nother set of scars.
And I am currently dating a wonderful girl who looks past all of those scars. She's even seen me go through one of my panic attacks, and afterward, she was there to bandage the new wound I'd inflicted on the back of my wrist.
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