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 Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 10:44 am
Fail title, is fail. But I couldnt think of a better one. So I was thinking, what if (for example) a girl loves 2 men.
But does not want the 2 men to love anyone but her...Is this an unfair request? If you ask partners to be in a poly relationship, shouldnt you also expect them to love you and other women?
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Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 1:17 pm
I don't really think that's a fair situation. If it happened that the two guys were okay with her being with the both of them but want to be monoamorous themselves (as both of them only are with her), that's fine. But they have to be the ones to decide that. I'm a firm believer that mono/poly relationships *can* work out, however the mono side shouldn't be forced to be mono if they don't want to be. If they want to be mono and her to be poly, great! If they want to be poly and she wants to be poly but not them... then there are issues.
I can't really speculate on what is going through the woman's head in that situation, but whatever it is I think she has to work out her issues as to why it would be okay for her but not for them. She has to get at the heart of why she would have problems with it and talk with them about it and work through the issue.
In the end what's good for the gander should also be good for the goose. (In the sense that if she's allowed to, they should be allowed to as well even if they don't act upon it).
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Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:52 pm
The actual request in itself isn't unfair because the request need not be fulfilled. Also, the scenario you put forth doesn't explain the woman's stance much further. The request as a preference is fine. The request as an ORDER is a problem, but pretty much any order in a relationship is a problem.
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Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:10 pm
I agree with what's been said here. If they choose to not be monogamous than it shouldn't be forced on them.
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:59 pm
I'm in a slightly similar situation to that. I have two ongoing relationships with people who aren't dating anyone else. I would prefer that both of them stay faithful to me. I think it would depend on the situation. I feel like I should be the only 'girlfriend.' Not the only relationship, I just don't want to feel jealous or like I have to compete in any way. So if my girlfriend wanted to date some man, it would take an adjustment, but I would ultimately finally be alright again. If she had a girlfriend, I would start to have problems. I would feel like I need to compete with the new girlfriend in different ways, sexually, emotionally, mentally. It would make me tear myself down in a way I don't want to, because I would be constantly insecure about who she cared more about. With us, that doesn't cause a lot of tension because while I am aware she might chose to try and date a man, that really doesn't bother me. I would feel like I was playing a role to her that couldn't be replaced, only augmented.
The problem would come if my fiance decided that He wanted to date another girl. He wouldn't date a man, as He is not bisexual. So far, He hasn't displayed any interest in dating another girl, so no worries. I'm not sure what would happen if He found a girl and He was like, wow, I wanna date her. I truly don't think I'd handle it well, but I would be forced to try. I'm never going to tell Him He can't do something He thinks would make Him happy. He and my girlfriend have a past relationship. They didn't break up because of any issues really. So I'm hoping if He ever has the desire to date a girl, He could find some form of reasonable substitution in having her with us.
Just my thoughts on the issue.
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