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This is a topic I was thinking about bringing up. We don't have kids yet but we do in the near future. Right now my husband and I are the only ones in our relationship but I'm actively seeking a girlfriend and the question crossed my mind.

Well he's not looking for a girlfriend right now, so the girlfriend would be for me. As for kids as of now we want to keep kids between the two of us, but that's something we'd talk more about if it came up.

Both times me and my husband tried to get into a poly relationship with someone with kids, it didn't work well. One of them had a kid with... issues, which often caused fights between them, so made going anywhere with them super awkward.

The other one, the kid just kept them at home, so we never really got to see them. It's not easy to build a relationship you see with someone maybe a couple hours every other MONTH.

If you have a kid, and are trying to build a relationship, you need to remember that the person you're trying to date needs attention too, otherwise, what is the point of having a relationship with them?

If they can successfully balance kids and a dating life, that's great. We haven't met anybody that could, though, so we're kind of leery about it. Not that we dislike kids, it's more like we dislike being ignored with someone we're trying to get attached to.

I'm not interested in having multiple male lovers, so it's hard to answer your question. If I have kid(s) and a male and female lover, and we were close and living together, I would imagine each of us to participate in raising the kid(s). It might also depend on the nature of our relationship.

Well, MrV and I only realised that poly life is for us about four months after we had our daughter...
It's an awkward time to start out, what with post pregnancy body issues, and finding time to get together when it suits me, daddy, auntie AND grandma (so she can take LittleV for an hour or so), but things are working out ok. BabyV is loving the extra attention, that's for sure!
I'm not sure how I'd feel about Mr.V having a baby with the other Ms.V; at the moment I'd be tremendously jealous, but that's because our little girl is only six months old, and I think that at this stage she needs all of our attention.
Also, AuntieV is only 16, and that'd raise a whole world of problems!
x.S.x

There are a lot of people out there who say that our lifestyle is one that hurts children, that it opens them up to the potiential for all kinds of sexual, mental, and emotional abuses, as well as opening them up to being around "strange" and "potentially dangerous" people. This is something I'm fairly familiar with, having had to cut all ties with my sister because she refused to believe that that I wasn't standing my two daughters in the hallway and having them watch a parade of men go in and out of my bedroom like I had a revolving door attached... This kind of thinking irritates the hell out of me, if it wasn't obvious. wink

This is something that me and my boys have talked about a fair amount, me having given birth to 4 beautiful daughters, and having the youngest two at home, at 8 and 10. I've had my tubes tied after my youngest, my body can't handle any more kids and it told me so, violently. Neither of my boys particularly wanted kids, but they love mine because they're mine (they're also from a marriage that fell apart before my boys came around).

My girls know what's going on. They know when I'm introducing them to a friend, who's over to watch movies, meet them, etc., and then they know when I'm introducing them to a "friend". They haven't met even 90% of the men I've been with over the years, since none of them have put forth an effort enough to get that far in to things. Usually, at least locally here, it's "you mean, it's ok to cheat?" "Um, no." "Well, let's hook up!" "Um, no."

Anyway, right up to about 50 years ago, maybe a little less, and going back from there to ancient history, rasing children was the job of the community, not the parents alone. Everyone pitched in, everyone kept an eye, and everyone did their part to make sure that the child grew up safely. Back then, you didn't have children shooting each other in schools, you didn't have them torturing and abusing each other for pleasure and you didn't have them having babies so young they don't even know the names of the parts they're using... >.<

I firmly believe that if people went back to this kind of parenting, where everyone who loved the child helped in their raising, things would be a lot happier for children, teens and young adults.

That ties in with poly because when you have more than just Mom and Dad watching, loving and caring for the child, when you have that extra income, that extra set of eyes, and that extra confidant, the children can know love so strong that it carries with them, and helps them treat other people better.

You're always going to get people who hurt children, but I don't believe that the poly lifestyle opens them up to those dangers any more than a mono lifestyle does. In fact, from what I've seen in studies done for the Canadian poly trial, it's just the opposite is true. Children are hurt, neglected, turned away and abused far more when they're on their own with Mom, Dad or Mom and Dad both than when they're in a poly household.

When my boy who can't live with me right now was here visiting at the end of March, my girls saw us cuddling, saw the same affection that I give my other partner and to them, it was normal. He's a part of the family, they love him and accept him as a parental figure.

It may not work for other families the same way, but for me and my family, my children know, and they know they are loved and blessed for it. smile