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 Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:28 am
I'm sorry if this is a bit off topic but I didn't know where else to post this, but I know this is a guild of mature individuals who could competently answer my question or at least direct me elsewhere.
In short, I'm not poly, but I AM looking to share my husband with another woman. The problem is trying to find that third, as so many others struggle to. I've tried some sites online but most seem incredibly shady. I was wondering if there are some who've had the same trouble and how they managed to find that right person, poly or otherwise? If anyone has any suggestions on where to look, or how to go about doing so?
Also! My husband has a friend who has quite the history swinging. She seems to have an attraction to myself and my husband but, being that I just met her and being that she already has a boyfriend (who I wouldn't want to join) I have NO idea how to broach the topic of a threesome... or if it'd even be appropriate to do so. She and her boyfriend seem to be very open and attend swingers' clubs, but I worry things would get awkward or someone might get offended, since we don't want to involve her boyfriend. Basically, we're stuck!
Any advice on either situation?
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:44 am
Okay first off I will say that you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy as lavalife. I'm sure there are a few good people around on that site but 99.99% of anyone I've found there have been really skeazy and a couple a little scarey. One guy that I thought seemed okay very much was not in person (ahem: tried to slip something in my drink). If you want to give it a shot, go for it, just be very careful with that site <.<
One that I do like however is OKCupid. It's a wonderful website that is both poly and open relationship friendly and allows for a lot of nice detailed profiles, matches, and system in general. Most of the people I've found on there have turned out to be really awesome- even just as friends and stuff but a few more romantic prospects are around heh. Plus you can see what people are looking for and you can puti t out there what you're looking for easily and it gives a lot of options. In general I've had a really good experience with OKC and have at the very least a bunch of friends I never would have otherwise met and a lot of wonderful people. Of course they have their skeazes and their duds but they seem to be fewer and further between than other dating sites.
As for your husband's friend... in that case she seems to be already open to the non-monogamy sort of thing so the subject should be a bit easier for you guys to bring up. You could get your husband to start the talks, since she is his friend and you hardly know her, then slowly feel out if she's still swingish and if she'd play without her boyfriend or only with and then just talk about it. If she's not okay with it, isn't really attracted to you two or if she doesn't play without her boyfriend then that's how it is and all you have to do is respect that. Honestly it's generally not as awkward as it seems sometimes and it's always okay to ask as long as it's also okay for them to say no. You're not trying to force anything, you're just asking a question- which really is one of the better ways to learn about something. But hey who knows, maybe she is attracted to you two and has been waiting for an opportunity herself! You never know really smile
GOod luck dia-chan!
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