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has this ever happened to you?

you want something so much but when you get it you dont know what to do?
its within your reach and all you hand to do is close your fist, say those words and you have it?
but you freeze, you dont know what you're doing and you get scared and you let it slip through your fingers?

and everyday you are reminded of it, you regret it and wonder what could have been?
you think back but you can't remember what the hell you were thinking, why didn't you do anything and what caused you to do what you did?
and the only thing you know is that if you could do it all again you would make it different?
but you can't because there are no such things as time machinese and life goes on but you can't help me live in the past?

but i can't move on HAHA im so sad.
i should get over the guy already. i mean its been like what a year? practically love at first sight though haha... known him for like... close to three years. sigh.

i mean, theoretically i've moved on? i dont really care about seeing him, meeting him or stuff but we used to be really good friends. people still say we are but hes pretty distant nowaways. he's moved on, has a girlfriend.
i've had about one crush after him... and one current crush. but i can't help but compare every guy with him subconciously.

i feel so stupid and i seriously doubt my own taste. i guess love is blind? hes such a spoilt little kid with a shitty 'tude. and i could make up a dozen excuses but then i'll feel lame about it and have an internal battle with myself.
lol if anyones reading this you're probably shaking your heads and "tsk"ing haha. just typing it out feels better. sorry for wasting your time...