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 Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:29 pm
A poem i wrote please tell me what you guys thinks thank yous smile
Dark Souls come out and play the game of life and death such a venture unto your own sanity. Time will only tell what is to come and what will be. Chaos and Oblivion such sweet agonizing entity’s so different yet the same. Never ending, never stopping, endless void of silence. Pitch Black space of without end. Not ever knowing but always waiting for the time when everything was just and right. There will be a time not far from now when we leave and escape to the realm of our own darkness. Normality is a disease of the mind. Insanity is only the beginning.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:47 pm
Constructive criticism:
It was... ok. I found the lack of correct grammar annoying. You made a couple typos. And it was hard to read because it was not in seperate lines, it was in one big chunk, which is not friendly to the eyes and I was hesitant to read it. Overall I found this poem used a lot of of cliches and just barely managed to cobble them together to form something attempting to be coherent.
Now my analysis is that this poem, if split apart could be the begining of some really awesome poems.
EXAMPLES:
-Dark Souls come out and play the game of life and death.
such a venture unto your own sanity.
-Time will only tell what is to come and what will be.
-Chaos and Oblivion such sweet agonizing entity’s so different yet the same.
-Never ending, never stopping, endless void of silence.
Pitch Black space of without end.
-Not ever knowing but always waiting for the time when everything was just and right.
There will be a time not far from now when we leave and escape to the realm of our own darkness.
-Normality is a disease of the mind, Insanity is only the beginning.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:50 pm
I apologize if I sound mean. That's not the way it was intended.
If it's any consolation, your poetry sounds a lot like mine in it's rough draft stages. Riddled with cliches and lacking any sort of main theme other than dark and twisted. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:23 am
I know im not that good... but i did try sad
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:00 am
-_-
There's a sub forum for this.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:11 am
oops I didn't see it. I do now smile
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Reply
