Welcome to Gaia! ::

Reply The Writer's Circle. <3
Race: Witch

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

SailorMoon_MewIchigo

PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:22 am


I just started the first book in this series I am hoping to write called the Victorian Rose Academy Files. This is the beginning of the first book, and, before I continue, I want other's opinions.

Victorian Rose Academy File One
Race: Witch

Jessica threw the last of her clothes into the suitscase, her cell phone held to her ear with her shoulder. She pulled out another bag, placing her laptop in the bottom.

"Come on, at least it's co-ed. It can't be all that bad," her best friend, Stephanie, said from the other line.

"It's boarding school, though! How could my parents send me there?! It's totally unfair!" Jessica exclaimed.

"Honey, get off that phone and pack!" Anne, Jessica's mother, said from the other side of the door.

"Ugh! I've gotta go. I'll call you, I promise," Jessica said glumly.

"OK, make sure you tell me about any and all hot guys. Miss you already!" Stephanie replied. Jessica flipped the phone shut and put it in her pocket.



"Don't look so glum, honey. I'm sure you'll have a great time. The school sounded so great in th pamplet," Anne said.

"Whatever," Jessica said, staring unhappily out the car window.

They came to a huge stone building that could pass as a European castle. Wild vines crept up the side and two large oak doors looked before them. Jessica exited the car, followed by Anne, and they grabbed her bags. Jessica hesitated at the door, but before she could knock, the door was opened.

"Why, hello," the cracked voice of a short, elderly woman said.

"Hello," Anne said, holding out her hand to shake.

"Who are you?" The woman asked skeptically.

"I'm Anne, Jessica's mother," Anne replied, frowning slightly.

"Oh, well, we'll take good care of your daughter. Don't you worry. Now off you go. Lots to do," the woman said as she pulled Jessica inside. She had a surprisingly strong grip.

"But can't I..." The last of Anne's words were cut off as the heavy oak doors were shut.

"Now, in here is all you'll need. The directions to your dorm and classrooms, your schedule, your ID card, your welcome letter, and all those other important papers. If you have any questions, the office is right there. Goodbye now," the woman said, handing Jessica a manilla folder and waddling off into the office

Jessica was left alone, shocked, holding the folder in her hand. A few moments later, she opened the folder, and pulled out the first thing. A small plastic card, the ID card.

ID Card
Name: Jessica Arianna Jefferson
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Student Number: 2745
Race: Witch


"Witch?!" Jessica exclaimed, running strait toward the office. Something wasn't right.





OK, That's all I have so far. Please keep in mind that this is the rough draft. Please tell me what you think.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 8:03 pm


I like it. It has the makings of a very entertaining story, so I'll be looking forward to reading future chapters. <3

All I can think of to say is that you might need to describe Jessica's appearance. That way, readers can visualize the character properly.

I'm sorry I didn't say more, but I have to go, now. ><

Kitty_Katastrophe
Captain

Reply
The Writer's Circle. <3

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum