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So far I've declined an Award of Arms, and i'm constantly picking myself apart for the performance I show in battle.

The odd thing is, the people I fight tell me i'm doing good, and they give me pointers. I feel like people are investing their time in me for a reason. My father is a Knight of some fame, but no one ever refers to me as "So and so's son". They always call me by name and discuss my traits without comparing me to my father.

It's very fulfilling to be spoken to that way, as a seperate person out of the shadow of my father's exploits. People take notice when I don't show up at practice or certain other gatherings, and that warms my heart as well.

Should I lighten up a little? I do take the S.C.A. quite seriously and i've been in all my life. It's just a little confusing when on one hand, I dont even have my arms registered yet and i'm killing Knights, and on the other my father tells me i'm not ready to put a thrusting tip on my sword yet.


I r konfuzed.

I've noted those who have grown up in the SCA tend to take it to a level of seriousness that can go beyond the fun aspect of things. I think you're reaching that point. Remember why people join the SCA; for the fun, people, and learning. As much as we might devote some or all of our lives to it, it isn't the end all, be all and even its awards and honors must be taken with some perspective. If you've been judged worthy of an AoA, take it and strive to uphold your peer's judgement of you. If you're unsure of yourself, recall that you respect your peer's judgement and granting you the AoA was their judgement. Also remember that this is, in the end, a game we are playing at, not life and death.

As someone who's been told ad nauseam that she's too hard on herself, I think I'll weigh in.

Granted, I'm a rapier fighter rather than an armored fighter. I've got White Scarves to measure myself against rather than Knights and I'm not sure how equivalent the two are (in fact, I suspect that may be a matter of some debate and a topic for other conversations anyway). But one can assume the attitudes for why one fighter teaches another is the same across the board; they want to see you do well. After all, a good fighter on the field is not just a reflection of that fighter's skill, but of the instruction he or she has received and of the overall skill of the fighter's group and Kingdom.

I've been told many times that confidence is key as a fighter. Whether it is the confidence to follow through on an attack with a rapier (my biggest hangup!) or the confidence to throw your shot hard enough with your rattan, believing that you can win any fight is one of the biggest assets that a fighter can have. On days when I'm confident in my skills I fight much better than when I'm feeling down on myself. The difference is enough that people have actually remarked on it.

You have been offered an Award of Arms. That hasn't happened for no reason at all. And certainly if you're landing killing blows on Knights you have skill that should not be ignored. Certainly, take instruction when it is offered and listen to the wisdom of your father. But don't take these things as criticism. It is simply a part of the process of your instruction.

You have the skill, my friend. Own the field.

Sarah the Foole.

Granted, we're all our own worst critics, but it sounds like you need to give yourself a little slack. If people are recognizing enough to offer AoA's, you should quit getting so down on yourself and trust that they know what they're about when they make such offers. Admit it, you're getting good. Enjoy it.

BTW, hello, Sarah! It's Seamus! mrgreen