Dreveryn Dex Poetry

[Dreveryn Dex]

I will probably post most of my poetry in here. Criticism is welcomed and encouraged here as long as it is constructive, not attacking. Hope you like what I have to say. Here goes:

I'm happy for her
So why do I feel so sad
It's not like I want to feel this
Because it only makes me mad
I'm glad to see her move on
So why don't I feel like I belong
In a world
Where happiness can coexist
With the evils and stresses
Of life thrown to abyss
Amidst the twist of life's blissful ignorance
I find relief when I know less
It is when I learn when I find pain
And gain nothing of the same value
And strain myself finding the truth
That I never wanted to know

The first 5 lines I'm probably going to change to make it more adaptable for a song and more people can connect with. But this is it for now. Also I have used end rhyming quite a bit so I was experimenting with rhyming within my lines. Tear it apart for me.  

[Kirksome]

Very nice! The rhyme scheme is catchy--but that may be an inappropriate word for the mood of the poem?

So, these are predicted to become song lyrics? Out of curiosity, what type of music?

It's difficult to critique poetry, for me, honestly, because 'poetry' covers such a broad range of potential.

Your poem is beautifully dark with the bittersweet taste of love--anything I would change would be simply stylistic to me, and would probably not improve or worsen the overall effect.  

[Dreveryn Dex]

Kirksome

Very nice! The rhyme scheme is catchy--but that may be an inappropriate word for the mood of the poem?

So, these are predicted to become song lyrics? Out of curiosity, what type of music?

It's difficult to critique poetry, for me, honestly, because 'poetry' covers such a broad range of potential.

Your poem is beautifully dark with the bittersweet taste of love--anything I would change would be simply stylistic to me, and would probably not improve or worsen the overall effect.

Thank you. And I may not hange these lyrics now as you described it as beautifully dark with the taste of bittersweet love. Thats a theme i can work with. As for type of music I will make anything that means something to me and follows the mood as I see fit. As for this one I'm thinking I will take an Evanescence approach while maintaining my own style.  

[Kirksome]

Evanescence, eh? I'd love to hear it if or when you turn it into a song. It sounds like it would be very nice to listen to. 3nodding  

[Dreveryn Dex]

Here's for my next piece:

I've seen demons laughing
I've seen angels cry
I've seen heavens grace and
I've seen devils fire
Don't be my executioner
When I say the world is good
A world full of good people
Doesn't act the way it should
The world is a symphony to me
Musicians all around
Music that makes us feel free
Music that makes us found