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 Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 3:23 am
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Sorry it's 4am and after various things I stumbled on and watched I can't sleep because my mind won't quit so I need to this.
I guess I should explain a little. Lately my looks and the way I dress have come up a lot and I think that I hate people looking at me.
I don't dress in any really attention grabbing way (even if I love a lot of those styles), in fact it's an almost every day guarantee that I'll be dressed in a t-shirt (usually dark), jeans, DC shoes and a slightly over sized black zip hoodie. My mother hates it, recently she's made it very clear I need to dress more like a girl, especially while we are in Europe this July. She hates how I don't like to shop and pick out nice (girly) clothing and wear dresses.
Actually I don't hate dresses as long as I can wear something like shorts underneath it. I just don't say much about it because people make a too big of a deal of me doing something that to them is out of the box for me. Hell I secretly love certain dresses, I have a girly side but I don't like letting people know or see it cause either it's suddenly a huge deal, or I don't like the "normal" stuff. So I stay curled up in my black hoodie and hope they won't look at me.
Another thing about me so much as wearing a dress or nice clothing in general is people will likely look at me. Or at least I feel like I'm being looked at and in a horrible way. Even though people make a huge deal out of it and are all "Yay! you dressed up! it's cute! you're pretty!" and all that junk. Even that makes me feel terrible. I hate getting comments on pictures about me being pretty or having a nice figure (which I really don't), I just want to hide and take away the pictures.
My mom's also pointed out I keep my hair in my face, I hate my hair out of my face. I see where she's coming from when my bangs start to get really long, but I feel insecure is my bangs are pulled back. My mom recently made me get straight cut bangs the other day. She made a huge deal about seeing my face (which I hated that it was a big deal).
Lately I keep getting all this stuff about me being pretty and cute and blah blah blah and I can't stand it. I don't feel pretty, I detest being called cute. I hate feeling people's eyes on me. Whenever me (especially my looks or art) comes up in conversation I want to cry and make everybody stop.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just want to know what I can do to make it okay for me to feel okay to be looked at I guess. I want to be able to slowly come out of my shell and maybe one day even dress the way I want (since right now it's about pleasing my mom and still trying to blend in. and learn how to dress nicely (cause I have absolutely no clue how to put together an actual outfit that looks nice). I just don't know what to do about it... so that's where the advice stuff comes in, I guess.
I don't know it's 4:22 or so and my alarm goes off in just over an hour so I need to try to shut down my mind so my sleepy body can rest. I hope something I said actually made sense.
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:00 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 10:03 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:20 am
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pickles_r_the_best you're not alone! <3 I'm like this too ((not as much now though))and I absolutely HATED when people were like "you look so pretty blablabla"....i was really insecure about how i looked since i had been overweight as a kid...i lost some weight now and people say i look really pretty blablabla...but anyways...i hated being told those things because i NEVER believed them...i thought they were lying to me and were actually thinking stuff like "wow she should NOT be wearing that" or "ew she's so ugly"...i was really insecure for the longest time until i was on facebook one evening talking to the guy i had a crush on, telling him i was anxious about having to wear a dress the next day to school ((it was for a presentation...and required..bleh.)) he told me "i'm sure you look amazing in a dress stop worrying" i was still nervous...the next day he saw me and said to me "see? its not that bad...you should wear dresses more often...you like nice" with a smile on his face...I could tell by his face, his words were genuine...it made me smile and realize how insecure i had been all along...and helped me get over that anxious feeling All in all...perhaps you're like how i was? insecure? if so, try and be a little bit more secure with yourself...i'm pretty sure people wouldn't lie to you ((especially not your mom hehe)) and i'm sure you'll be able to be comfortable :3 Btw~ hope i helped a bit...lemme know if you would like more advice :3 <3
Hmmm thank you.
I have always been a little insecure because as you were I was overweight when I was younger (I could still stand to lose a bit but I'm not trying full time until I know I'm doing it for myself and not other people), and I was bullied behind my back, sometimes to my face, but nothing too obvious, small town kids are sneaky about that stuff. So after a certain point I always felt if I was being looked at it was something to do with all that.
Unfortunately no matter how much people tell me, and even if they could convince me, I'm not sure if things would be much different, because it's not just my looks but the fact that I'm being looked at sometimes.
I mean I can't do presentations in school in front of people cause I get shaky and have an occasional stutter. My shyness and issues got so bad that I was shaking so much during my presentation that people were asking me if I was alright.
So I guess when it's looked at my problems aren't always looks but rather other things as well.
I quess my mom wouldn't lie, but I'm also hurt a bit by the fact she only tells me I look nice when I dress how she would like me to dress.
But thank you so much, I'll try to become more comfortable with my looks.
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:24 am
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Wildstar22 I know how you feel, I used to be the same way. I grew up in a city where most of the people were hispanic and me being white was a bad thing around them. To avoid being picked on so much i started wearing hoodies trying to hide who i was. Well it worked a bit. I wasnt picked on as much and pretty much had a permanent scowl on all the time because I didn't like people looking at me. I'm glad to say I'm not like that anymore and it is awesome. Honestly theres nothing wrong with you. It could be just the environment that you're in. Your mom wants you to be someone that you're not and you don't like that. Therefore you may feel that you don't want to be looked at. (all of what i am saying is just from my point of view, im not sure if its true). If you find the right person/people, they can help you come out of your shell. Also taking some chances could help depending on what it is. Like say if someone asks if you want to tag along to an event and you can/want to. Maybe thats not the best example but it you may get it. If you could suppress or change those feeling you have when someone says your cute or another compliment and turn it into a positive thing if that makes any sense. I hope this has helped I certainly tried to and if it hasnt than i am truly sorry.
Thank you a lot for taking the time to try and help me. It could be my environment, after all I don't only feel out of plae by my looks or how I want to be dressing, but my sexuality and everything is a little out there for people to really accept fully which is maybe why I try to hide and want people to just look past me
I'll definitely try some of that out. Thank you again
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