My boyfriend`s mother says I`m too ugly for him.

[Duskeh]

Sweetheart, mothers are like that. Okay, not usually quite as extreme, but no one ever seems to be good enough for their 'little boy'. Fathers are similar with their daughters. This does not mean her behaviour is acceptable, but at the same time it's fairly common.

I think your boyfriend needs to talk to his mother calmly, outside of one of the situations where she's freaking out, and request that she just accepts that you're his girlfriend and that he cares for her. Talk to your boyfriend about it, and ask him if he'd do that for you. Hopefully it'll make her realise that he's serious about you, and any comments she has she can keep to herself. At the same time parents can be quite defensive when they're told something along those lines. My boyfriend's mother made some mean comments about me, and my boyfriend stood up for me, and she immediately huffed with him. It doesn't always go easy.

In the end, don't take it personally. You're not at all ugly, in fact you're very pretty. I know it's hard to ignore when someone openly insults you like that, especially when it's your boyfriend's mother, but try to avoid thinking about it too much. In the end, he cares about you.

[Kaoni~Cream~Puff]

iWhore.4[Tofu]

Wow, that's just horribly shallow.

First off, if you two do feel you have a future together, his mother is just going to have to deal with that herself.

He's not going to be living with her forever, and if you two get engaged, you're most likely going to be getting your own place together, and you'll be -mostly- free from his mothers sharp tongue.

There isn't much you can do to change her opinion, however.
Maybe she really liked his first girlfriend, and she's bitter that there's a new one in her place?
Same ethnicity to boot.

Talk to your boyfriend about how you DON'T want this to strain your relationship, rather than talking about how to fix the issue.

Sorry if I wasn't much help.
n__n;;

You`re terribly right. And we`re planning to move into an apartment together in a year/soonish. Well, after our second college year. I don`t actually see his mother often; we live about an 8-hour drive from home (we both come from the same city). Because it`s summer, we`re both back home and so I see her a bit more. I guess I really just have to bear with it for now.

Thanks for the reply though; it helps : )



@ihatesunflowers: I know... he says he has talked to her about it before, but everytime they begin something, they start fighting. : (



@Duskeh: That`s true... I really shouldn`t get angry because she just wants what`s best for her son, right? My boyfriend does know that it really bothers me that his mother really doesn`t like me, and he has tried to talk to her about it but it never ends well. Thanks though, I`ll try adn stop thinking about it : )

[XxorigamixheartxX]

Honestly, the best way to deal with it is probably just ignore what his mother is saying. Maybe she's so set on hating you and finding faults that it would almost like....hurt her pride if she admitted that she was wrong.
Besides, if your boyfriend likes you that much, I doubt there's anything his mom can say that would make him change his mind. ^^

[Takumi tenshi]

tell your bf to be a man and make his mom shut up.
if he doesnt then dump him.

I would seriously get pissed off if my guy didnt defend me.

[ihatesunflowers]

Kaoni~Cream~Puff

@ihatesunflowers: I know... he says he has talked to her about it before, but everytime they begin something, they start fighting. : (

Maybe if you're there with him, they won't start fighting?
It could help if both of you talk to her.
Maybe you could ask her how she would feel in your position.
I dunno. If it doesn't work, I don't think there's much you can do but to ignore her. :

[WaterColored]

I was reading through and getting ready to type up a reply, but then I scrolled down to your signature and girl you are absolutely adorable in your picture!! ♥♥
I think Asian women are some of the most beautiful people...

Don't worry about what she says, you're not ugly in one bit. And I don't blow crap at people so don't you dare take this lightly.

She's just scared for her son. He probably didn't show much interest in his ex and that's why she was comfortable around her, but when she sees how happy he is with you and even possibly hearing you two talk about getting serious she gets scared and tries to make him think that you're not good enough for him so he won't leave his mommy.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about, you have a great boyfriend who defends you with all of his heart.


If it gets too out of control, sit down with her and talk to her about it. Make sure you don't lose your temper even if she does. Who knows?? Maybe you two would be able to get a connection??

[Gallifrey Crystal Gem]

If I were you I would just ask her to tell you all this s**t to your face instead of blabbing away to your boyfriend. Your boyfriend loves you just the way you are and if you change any of that to please his mother then you wouldn't be the girl he's known to love.

[Solstice Doll]

No joke, ******** that b***h. She is in no position to be judging people. She should be happy with whoever her son is dating as long as they treat her kid right. And I can say that because Imma mom and thats how I'd feel about my daughters significant other.

[use soap]

That's very rude of her, but I think you should ask yourself, "Why is my boyfriend telling me this?"
I don't want to be a negative nancy, but, in my eyes, if my boyfriend told me something negative his mom said about me (that he didn't have mention), he might agree with her just a little bit.
Otherwise, what's the point in telling you? Why that extra strain?

I would ask HIM why he's telling you this.

[Thos Phoenix]

Phase2

Kaoni~Cream~Puff

What pisses me off, is that she acts very sweet in front of me. I really had no idea she said those kind of things behind my back until my boyfriend had told me. It all started when his older brother was flipping through some albums on facebook, stopping at one where we had gone to the beach with a group of friends. His mother happened to be passing by, and so she looked at a few of the photos before ranking all the girls based on their phsyical looks. My best friend was #1 on her list. She basically yelled at my boyfriend, asking him why he couldn`t have picked her instead, that I wasn`t pretty enough for him and blah blah blah...

And everytime I have dinner with my boyfriend`s family, she would refrain from spilling all those negative comments and save them just for him. There would always be something wrong with me...whether it was my hair being too long, me being too skinny at some places and too fat at the rest, me being too short, me looking like a little kid, me having a bad taste in clothes, etc. She also especially dislikes the unique things about me, like the color of my eyes, my dimples, and my ethnicity.

I honestly don't know what I should do... or if I should even do anything. I get so depressed because I don`t know how to just...get prettier... or change myself without regretting it, and it`s horrible that all she cares about are the superficial things. My boyfriend tries to ignore her, of course, but this whole drama that she`s creating just feels like a huge setback in our relationship. sad

She's a mom, no girl will ever be good enough for him, ignore her. If she had it her way her son would die old and alone.

LOL I totally agree. I'm a guy, and my mom critiques every one that I bring home. It's just a mom wanting the absolute best for her son. Eventually, this evil b***h will probably give up. Just ignore her, and maybe you should tell her to her face that you know what she's saying about you and you don't like it much.

[JamieParis]

i think you should talk to your boyfriend and ask if he could talk to his mother. If it bothers you so much break up with him. you should never change yourself unless it is you who feels like changing. not someone's mother.

[fubenkunai]

use soap

That's very rude of her, but I think you should ask yourself, "Why is my boyfriend telling me this?"
I don't want to be a negative nancy, but, in my eyes, if my boyfriend told me something negative his mom said about me (that he didn't have mention), he might agree with her just a little bit.
Otherwise, what's the point in telling you? Why that extra strain?

I would ask HIM why he's telling you this.

He doesn't want to lie to her, he wants her to know why his mom is cold to her (If she's got the guts to be), or it's stressing him out really badly and he needs to explain why he's acting differently. Or he might just be well-intentioned and tactless, because he overcommunicates. Personally, I'd want to know because it means she's going to be trying her hardest to interfere, and I'd want to be prepared.

I think she's best left ignored, really. She's the kind of person who, when she really wants to be mad about something, will nto be swayed. You could fix everything she's ever bitched about and she'd still find fault; worrying about it or feeling bad is an exercise in futility because she's just nuts. I'm sure she has her reasons, but she's not too keen on examining them so she can grow up. Just let her stew and realize it'll get easier once he's out on his own with you.

[Recohn]

Okay, first of all, it's none of her business what your boyfriend likes in a girl. So I'd just ignore her. But if it bothers you so much, talk to her and ask her why she says those things. And don't break up with your boyfriend just because of his stupid mother (who really needs to wake up and face reality). You're not dating him because of her, so try to not let her interfere with your relationship.

[teog]

It's your eyes.

[Skydeki]

Wow, his mother is shallow. What you should do is just try to ignore her comments, and act polite as you do around her. Maybe she'll start to like you more as time continues. As I've seen from your picture in your signature and your profile, you are really pretty. :]