missing me yet pt 2

[unicorns r beast19]

Victoria: who's this? scream
C: um... me, Charlotte. stare
V: o, hey. so sry. i thought u were some 1 else. my bad. so wat's up?
C: idk, the sky or the fact tht my parents r missing! could ur rents give me a ride or u hav somethin less important.
V: 2 where?
C: the police station
V: sry my parents still have their record there. they can't and won't go in 100 miles of tht place.
C: ur house is 99 miles from the station though teehee jk.
V: funny. rofl ur just going 2 hav 2 let the subject got though unless Janice or Stephen can take u. bye. talk2hand
C: bye...

STEPHEN!!!!!!! idea Tht's perfect stephen's an only kid and has his own car and can drive it too. Opps idea gone. he has football practice. Now what
-knock- -knock-
"Who's at the door?"
-opens door, slowly, creaking-
-gasp-

2 b continued... dramallama

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!! question comment NICELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! exclaim
Who was at the door?
Why won't anyone help Charlotte?
What's next???? sweatdrop

[luna la faye]

This isn't a story, dear. This is spam. No. it's garbage. Sorry, my mistake.Y'know, read some books and such. No book will ever be like this.
********. I wrote better than this, when I first learned how to write.

[Im Dammed And Numb]

:O maybeh theres a robber tht took her parentz and he grabbed her and----well im just gunna stop now b4 i make a story...lol

[SilverRinehart66]

VioletIronspell

This isn't a story, dear. This is spam. No. it's garbage. Sorry, my mistake.Y'know, read some books and such. No book will ever be like this.
********. I wrote better than this, when I first learned how to write.

This x10.

[unicorns r beast19]

i'm being nice enough 2 u so pls stop being rude. if u want me write a real book ur going 2 get a real book. soon then

thxs 4 the story idea but when the plot thickens u find out the real truth

[Clemence Amorette]

Dearie, you don't need two (or however many you do for this one story) threads for one story. Just post this in the first one that has the first part in it. Also, if I may ask, why is it parts? I could have sworn chapters were much longer than a paragraph. Did you mean parts of one chapter? And while I'm on the editing thing, can you please re-write it so it's cohesive?

I know you were in a rush to finish, but could you please write your words out unless this is on a chat cite (in the story I mean). If they are talking on a chat cite, then that leaves me confuse on why she is talking to her friend when she's worried about her parents? Normally anyone one (age or not, some know their mother and father's habits and work) would assume the usual routines of the household. Unless she hadn't seen her parents in, let's say a day, then there should be concern. Or she should get concern if they don't come back in the correct amount of time that they are gone (or they don't come home on time, if they went to work).

You need to add a bit of realism here. Even in fiction, realism does count no matter what is being written about. It's up to the writer to make it seem real, suck in the reader, and have them relate/sympathize/understand what the MC is going through.

And please, don't take criticism the wrong way. They may sound harsh, rude, or anything else to you, but the ones saying it are trying to be honest about what they see. If they see crap, it's crap. If they see a piece that could use some work, they say what is needed to be work on. If you don't like it, just don't post and keep it in your journal. We here at the WF (all subforums included) are serious about writing (hobby or trying to be a writer included) and when people post here they are asking for one of few seen here: critique, comments, opinions, advice, or help with editing certain parts.

Now, I'm being fairly nice here. I'm not attacking you or saying anything what the other said is wrong. Dear, you need to prove to us that you are a writer and can write things out. We only know you from how you react to critiques and what you present to us as your work of art. Grow a bit of thick skin here, suck up, and take the blows. Just say thank you, and see if you can work on your piece. Cussing people out and defending work that shows either laziness or lack of effort tends to come off immaturely to some here.

Be a bit more mature and show us that you can take it if you are serious about writing as a whole. Show us you want to improve, take critiques, and don't complain about it and give "lame" excuses. Writing has no age limits, so don't use your age as an excuse.

Fix the errors, re-write it, and see if the corrections get a bit more positive responses.

Have a pleasant day/eve/morning.

[SilverRinehart66]

[unicorns r beast19]

yes it's parts of chapters n can u write in a shorter version i didnt finish.

Clemence Amorette

Dearie, you don't need two (or however many you do for this one story) threads for one story. Just post this in the first one that has the first part in it. Also, if I may ask, why is it parts? I could have sworn chapters were much longer than a paragraph. Did you mean parts of one chapter? And while I'm on the editing thing, can you please re-write it so it's cohesive?

I know you were in a rush to finish, but could you please write your words out unless this is on a chat cite (in the story I mean). If they are talking on a chat cite, then that leaves me confuse on why she is talking to her friend when she's worried about her parents? Normally anyone one (age or not, some know their mother and father's habits and work) would assume the usual routines of the household. Unless she hadn't seen her parents in, let's say a day, then there should be concern. Or she should get concern if they don't come back in the correct amount of time that they are gone (or they don't come home on time, if they went to work).

You need to add a bit of realism here. Even in fiction, realism does count no matter what is being written about. It's up to the writer to make it seem real, suck in the reader, and have them relate/sympathize/understand what the MC is going through.

And please, don't take criticism the wrong way. They may sound harsh, rude, or anything else to you, but the ones saying it are trying to be honest about what they see. If they see crap, it's crap. If they see a piece that could use some work, they say what is needed to be work on. If you don't like it, just don't post and keep it in your journal. We here at the WF (all subforums included) are serious about writing (hobby or trying to be a writer included) and when people post here they are asking for one of few seen here: critique, comments, opinions, advice, or help with editing certain parts.

Now, I'm being fairly nice here. I'm not attacking you or saying anything what the other said is wrong. Dear, you need to prove to us that you are a writer and can write things out. We only know you from how you react to critiques and what you present to us as your work of art. Grow a bit of thick skin here, suck up, and take the blows. Just say thank you, and see if you can work on your piece. Cussing people out and defending work that shows either laziness or lack of effort tends to come off immaturely to some here.

Be a bit more mature and show us that you can take it if you are serious about writing as a whole. Show us you want to improve, take critiques, and don't complain about it and give "lame" excuses. Writing has no age limits, so don't use your age as an excuse.

Fix the errors, re-write it, and see if the corrections get a bit more positive responses.

Have a pleasant day/eve/morning.

[unicorns r beast19]

SilverRinehart66

y not trolls deserve to eat

[unicorns r beast19]

HEY u guys don't know me but if u really want 2 HERE

MY PARENTS R STRICT
MY FRIENDS ABUSE
IM THNK IM DUMB FAT N NO REALLY LIKES ME ANYWAYS
I JUST LOST MY DOGS
I WAS TIRED WHEN I WROTE THESE
IT'S BASED ON MY LIFE
MY SCHOOL IS MEAN (but i still get straight A's ESPECIALLY IN WRITING)
I'M 13 NOW
N NOT 2 B MEAN BUT U GUYS SOUND LIKE THOSE OLD PPL WHO GET MAD AT EVERYTHING YOUNG PPL DO.
BUT HEY, WHO AM I 2 JUDGE
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IF U DON'T LIKE IT