• She knew all along.

    Maybe she was crazy,

    Or just too trusting.

    I remember seeing her eyes

    Glitter with adrenaline when she

    J

    U

    M

    P

    E

    D

    She fell with the grace of a goddess.

    She dove downward without a single look of fret-

    No regret at all.

    And when the hay on the barn floor caught her from her 70 foot freefall

    I had no idea of the significance this moment held.

    But she knew,

    Even after that rickety old ladder finally let go that the hay would be there to catch her-

    Because goddesses cant die.

    Right?

    But you can’t say that you can’t destroy yourself.

    It happens.

    I hadn’t seen her in a long while,

    That’s my fault.

    If I would have known the result of my actions I would have dropped

    Everything

    And gone to her, no matter how far.

    But I ran,

    Kept moving,

    And never told her where I was going.

    Remembering all those letters she sent,

    She pleaded me to come to her.

    But like a stubborn king I did what I wanted.

    Selfish.

    Kitty. Kitty. Kitty.

    Her name rolls off my tongue in a foreign way now.

    It just feels wrong to say.

    One

    Two

    Three

    Four

    Five

    Six

    Seven

    Eight

    Nine

    Nine days.

    Nine cycles of the Sun and Moon since it happened and I still can’t understand.

    She was beautiful, stunning:

    Like a lonely star in an otherwise black sky.

    I see her fall whenever I close my eyes.

    Seeing her constantly cascade downward has driven me on without sleep.

    My punishment?

    Being converted into an insomniac and not being able to watch acrobats.

    It seems so much worse than that.

    I can’t help but wonder

    If her eyes sparkled with that same excitement,

    Or if her form was as graceful as it was in childhood.

    I can’t help but wonder

    If she knew that the hay wouldn’t be there,

    Or if she thought I would appear.

    I can’t help but wonder if she blamed me for everything,

    Even though she claimed to love me.

    I can’t help but wonder if the same words that

    Echo through my mind now

    Echoed through hers when she swan- dived off the building to her death.

    “You’re my big brother. I knew you would always take care of me.”

    I guess even goddesses can die.

    ~MT