one fine night.

• Artist: Poster_Candy
• Description: my friend and i re-did "one fine day" for an assignment. so this is it!
• Date: 11/15/2009
• Tags: fine night

One fine night in the middle of the day,
Two dead boys got up to play
One had a fiddle one had a drum
One had a pancake stuck to his bum
Side to side they mirrored each other,
While the fourth pulled out a stick of butter.

They lived on a corner,
In the middle of the block,
On the second floor of a vacant lot,
Next to deaf musicians, blind magicians,
And down the hall, up the wall,
Lives a rat, whose mom’s a cat.

And the narrator,
With his story untold,
Meekly whispered,
Loud and bold,
The beginning words,
To the meetings end,
“You my enemy are now my friend”
He said to a man that hates all others

Comments

[Kittilord]

First of all, NO rhyming, you hack. Only Maya Angelou can do that and get away with it. Second, each stanza could be its own poem; they have nothing to do with each other.

[Chaos_Unleashed]

It goes well until the 'blind magicians' part and then everything after that makes very little sense and sounds rather awful. But like I said, the first paragraph and a half works wonderfully.