Storm of Thought

• Artist: Uriel Ledon
• Description: Hello, my other piece (which really sucked XD) didn't get any comments. Tell me what you think of me, please. Should I continue writing? Yes? No? Maybe?
  
  I'm also on www.deviantart.com, same username.
• Date: 09/17/2009
• Tags: storm thought

What do you think of me?
Behind my face, behind my eyes
Dare you trek there?
Uncharted territory, because none bother to look
Come closer

What do you think of me?
Through your mask, your façade
All white clouds are made to rain
All things good whither away
Are you hearing me?

What do you think of me?
As I a shout to you through a storm for a reaching hand
I think “Is a tree limb more useful?”
Should I just drown in a hurricane of tears?
Listen now!

What do you think of me?
As emotions swirl like a funnel cloud
Debris of worthless memories sharper than a metal blade
Harder than cold iron or steel
I dare you to approach!

What do you think of me?
Now that I’ve ruined something precious
Am I a monster?
I must be, I’m exiled to a cell!
Your ears are deaf to my pleas

What do you think of me now?
As the storm has subsided
Debris litters the streets
A helpless body, hopeless body
Human aftermath of erosion
Because you couldn’t listen
You wouldn’t listen

Comments

[Uriel Ledon]

Thank you thank you all so much! I feel I did something right in my life! Hazah! Well anyway, tell your friends! I love to get the comments! I also appreciate criticism! What can I improve on. If you honestly think it's perfect, just say that. OK Thanks again everyone!

[Brennan096]

Great, metaphors and similes, the rhymes are in a right sequence and nice beat 5/5

[Xxhidden_wingsxX]

wow. that's really good. i think you should keep writing. i like how you compared you're thoughts to a storm. 5/5

[insert_name_here_3]

keep writing!!!!