• Sit Back Now
    Let Me Tell You A Tale
    Where Justice Does Not Prevail

    About An Ill-Fated Life
    So Very Full Of Strife
    Where Two Wrongs Do Not Make A Right

    So

    When I Was Born
    I Did Surely Scorn
    My Proud Parent's Name
    Then Their Lives Went Down The Drain
    Drove Them Insane
    My Birth Was A Curse
    I Bit The Nurse
    Oh, But I Love The Worst
    I Deserve To Be Slowly Submersed
    Dried Out Then Laid In A Hearse

    When I Was Two
    I Poured Super Glue
    Into My Fathers Hair
    As He Sat Unaware
    In His Arm Chair
    Much To His Dismay
    Had To Cut It All Away
    Oh, But It Felt Great
    I Deserve To Cut And Filleted
    Then Tossed About In Disarray
    Until The Pieces Melt Away

    I Am Not A Bad Man
    Even Though I Do Bad Things
    Very Bad Things
    Such Horrible Things
    But It's Not Quite What It Seems
    (Not Quite What He Seems)
    Not Quite What I Seem
    Aw, Hell
    It's Exactly What It Seems

    When I Was Four
    I'd Wait By The Door
    With A Knife In My Hand
    And A Most Devious Plan
    It Would Be Quite Grand
    As The Mail Fell Through The Slot
    The Sharp Edge He Got
    Oh, But I Love The Thought
    I Deserve To Be Tied In A Knot
    Broken Bones And Blood Clots

    When I Was Six
    I Used To Trick
    The Next Door Neighbors Son
    In The Woods We Would Run
    Time For Fun
    Hide N Seek Has A Cost
    He Would Be Forever Lost
    Oh, But I Love To Scoff
    I Deserve To Have My Head Lopped Off
    Hidden And Covered In Moss
    Until This Memory's Forgot

    I Am Not A Bad Man
    Even Though I Do Bad Things
    Very Bad Things
    Such Horrible Things
    But It's Not Quite What It Seems
    (Not Quite What He Seems)
    Not Quite What I Seem
    Ah, Hell
    It's Exactly What It Seems

    When I Was Eight
    I Used To Hate
    The Color Of My House
    So As Quite As A Mouse
    I Burned It Down
    To The Ground
    When No One Was Around
    Oh, But I Love The Sound
    I Deserve To Be Quickly Put Down
    Rotting Six-Feet Underground

    When I Was Ten
    I Used To Pretend
    To Drown In The Sea
    Till They'd Come To Rescue Me
    Then Preceed
    To Laugh In Their Face
    Such A Disgrace
    Oh, But I Love The Taste
    I Deserve To Have My Brains Displaced
    All Over The Fireplace
    Until This Life Has Been Erased

    I Am Not A Bad Man
    Even Though I Do Bad Things
    Very Bad Things
    Such Horrible Things
    But It's Not Quite What It Seems
    (Not Quite What He Seems)
    Not Quite What I Seem
    Ah, Hell
    It's Exactly What It Seems

    When I Was Twelve
    I Used To Delve
    Into Evil Schemes
    Just To Elicit Screams
    Boost My Self Esteem
    Pushed My Sister Down A Well
    She Just Fell
    Oh, But I Love To Dwell
    I Deserve To Roast Deep Down In Hell
    Where No One Can Hear Me Yell

    When I Was Fourteen
    Nothing Much Happened

    Well
    There Was That One Time
    *Car noises, screams*

    I Am Not A Bad Man
    Even Though I Do Bad Things
    Very Bad Things
    Such Horrible Things
    But It's Not Quite What It Seems
    (Not Quite What He Seems)
    Not Quite What I Seem
    Ah, Hell
    It's Exactly What It Seems

    When I Was Sixteen
    Life Was Frightening
    My Brother Was Quite Dull
    So With Laughter In My Skull
    Pushed Him In A Hole
    Then Buried Him Alive
    He Barely Survived
    Oh, But I Love The Cries
    I Deserve To Be Battered And Fried
    In An Electric Chair That's Set On High

    Now That I'm Eighteen
    I Still Hate Things
    From This Padded Cell I Call My Home
    No Friends, No Phone
    No Life To Call My Own

    Here I Will Lie
    Until The Very Day I Die
    Until My Blood Begins To Dry
    And I Return To The Darkness From Whence I Came

    So

    I Am Not A Bad Man
    Even Though I Do Bad Things
    Very Bad Things
    Such Horrible Things
    But It's Not Quite What It Seems

    Not Quite What I Seem
    Ah, Hell
    I'm Exactly What I Seem