• Walking along the asphalt
    with its dark colour
    meeting with the edge of the dark sky.
    Each exhaled breath
    hits the the crisp air.
    Letter in my hand
    flapping in the wind.
    Wanting to fly away
    and never be given.
    To just hide.
    Forever.
    And I feel
    much like this letter.
    Wanting to go one way
    and end up another.
    But no matter.

    I shuffle my feet
    up the sidewalk.
    Up to the red door.
    Tape up the letter
    and stand there gazing.
    His name scripted on the center
    of the envelope.
    Black ink.
    Bold.
    As the last tear rolls down my cheek
    it leaves a cold trail
    and I head back to my safe haven.
    My home.

    Even with the streetlights blaring
    and the metallic moon smiling at me
    I feel unseen.
    Throwing my hood over my head
    just to hide even more of me.
    I find myself whispering his name
    over and over.
    On repeat.
    And yet in my mind
    it sounds as though I'm shouting.
    The wind carrying the name.
    Trying to push me away
    and not let me near.
    I break into a run.
    Running away from un-want.
    From guilt.
    Running away from the best
    person I could ever have befriended.
    All because I wanted.
    And with this realization
    I stop dead in my tracks.

    I care about him.
    Everyday I end up imagining
    a situation fixed.
    Swimming through memories
    and living for the past.

    The letter he had yet to read
    was exactly what I may have needed.
    To stop the tears
    from bombarding.
    To bring back smiles.

    But the tears have reached a truce.
    The smiles have returned from their vacation.
    The help from a friend
    has pushed me over the finish line.
    Spending many pages
    wielding words to help me understand.
    I reached the haven.
    I know who I am.