Why Is it a crime?

• Artist: ruffrider16
• Description: it is a sad love story i was thinking about after i read a sad story about two lovers. :( can people give me some constructive criticism because i would like some advise. BTW it is ma grannies 90th birthday today! hip hip hooray! i just thought ill add that.
• Date: 11/24/2008
• Tags: crime

I think about him day and night,
He looks so tall and tender.
I feel he's the only one who understands me,
but we'll never be together.


I lay on my bed dreaming about him,
his breath soothing my neck.
His tender arms wrapped around me,
his soft chest on my back.

I wonder what will happen,
if i let my feelings show,
will he accept me?
Or simply tell me no,

I see him every lesson,
he just gives me a wink,
Am i too young, unacceptable,
I can't even drink.

If he knew how i felt about him,
would he love me back?
or will it just simply feel,
like a shoe up my a** crack?

I want to feel his body,
Lying there right next to mine.
I want to feel his precious lips,
Press right next to me.

I don't know why it takes so long,
am i just a waste of time?
i want us to be together.
Is it such a crime?

by Ruffrider
13 years old.

Comments

[ruffrider16]

nah i got it from jacqueline wilson's book "Love Lessons"

[Little Raven Girl]

ok, so this reminds me of the book vampire academy. is that the story you got it from? anyway, i like it! and the whole a** crack thing made me laugh! 5/5

[i will be a hokage]

*smiles at story 1000000000000/5

[ruffrider16]

yeah well, i forgot to edit it and thank you for the advise

[iResell]

I do not like the language in it....It is explicit....I really thing it ruined the poem..I'm giving you a 5/5 becuase I like it but that part was uneeded.

[Megthatsme24]

This is really good. You need to work on grammer though. Capatilize your 'I's and the beggining of sentences. Its a shame when good poetry is ruined by bad grammer. Besides that you show some talent, esspesially for such a young age!