I know you’re up there watching me.
I know that you’re safe and happy.
I know things like these happen every day.
But I’m sorry I wasn’t there.
And I know those things hurt.
And I know I should have said better words.
And I know leaving you wasn’t the better choice.
But I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.
And I feel like I’m dying as well.
But I feel like I’ve known you for over a hundred years.
And I feel like I’m going soon.
But I feel like I can be with you this way.
And I feel like I could have done better.
But I feel like this was the better choice.
I know you’re dying.
I know the sad truth.
And every day I wake up,
I realize that it might be your last day.
And I knew something had happened.
I knew it when you hadn’t answered me for days;
When you should have answered the very next day.
But I got scared.
You were my wall; you are my wall.
And it’ll stay that way until I die.
So I decided to make up an excuse for that.
I said “Maybe she has no internet; or maybe no time.”
But what I should have said was
“She’s lying in a hospital bed dying.”
But I refused to believe that.
I chose not to believe in the truth.
But the sad part was…
I couldn’t cry like I had done before…
Maybe that’s why I felt so guilty.
But to tell you the truth
Every day when I woke up
I knew it was coming
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