A few of my friends asked me: "Why does almost everything you either draw or write have either a sad, painful, or horrible meaning to it?"
Because I like doing that. It lets most of my feelings out. No, that doesn't mean I'm sad or in pain. It means...I...Words can't describe it. I messed up bad with my life. I alienated myself from my family, I rarely hang out with friends, and I'm always alone. I don't fit in with crowds, when I speak nothing right is said; I can't even look at myself in the mirror and say my own name without questioning the figure before me. I have dreams of death constantly, and I'm a horrible person to hang around. I'm boring, and I never say anything. I have nothing to say, and I don't fit in.
Yet I continue to write about how "horrible" my life is, and I continue to draw depressing pictures with blood smeared across skin. But that's just who I am. I'm a depressing person, and I hate being social. Shoot me, 'cause I'm no good alive. But I appreciate those who still hang with me and put up with my crap. Many people say for me to take my own advice, 'cause I give awesome advice some days.
But it's no good to me. It's too late for me to be super happy and to forget everything. I've hurt too many people, including myself. I'm so stained with blood, I practically swim in it. I sinned many times. If I could go back in time and stop myself from walking into the darkness that called me, I would chain myself to a tree so I wouldn't go there. What pulled me toward that darkness, what made me turn so depressed? I may never know.
But I do know that I am what I am, and time machines don't work. I will continue down my life's chosen road covered in blood and darkness and pain, and I will walk until my legs die. Then I will drag myself until my arms die. Then I will drag with my head. But I will still keep going. There's no going back now, I'm lost in the dark.
But I will continue to write about Luna, and myself, and how "horrible" life is for us, so that maybe one day, I will stop someone from walking into the dark void of blood and hate and I will continue to speak my advice to everyone, and hopefully they will use it before it's too late.
Many would love to walk down the path of darkness. But is it worth a life of pity and hatred? Many of the "emos" and "goths" walk down this path, (I am neither.) and enjoy it. But why? Why separate yourself from those who love you? Many people do this because they are abused or harassed. But no matter what crap life drags you through, suck it up and move on. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it hurts. But think about it. Things are just going to get worse, and if you give up at the beginning, that's it. You wasted your life. You are now a pathetic low-life (Not trying to insult.) who gave up the only chance they had to live. God gave you a the gift of life, but life is unfair. You will cry, hurt, and bleed, but if you hold on, you can be stronger.
Being "great" and "strong" in life isn't about how fearless you are, or how long you've held on through the worst of times, or how your life is so messed up and everyone should look up to you because you haven't committed suicide yet. It's about being able to know how good you have it because you were actually given the chance to live. Enjoy life, be as happy as you can. Smile through your tears. No matter how much it hurts, just keep smiling! People may think that because your acting strong, they can hurt you more, but don't let them! Please don't fight back, but tell them how you feel. Put them in your shoes and push them around. See how they like it! And if you can't do much about it (Like parents abusing their child.) ask for help!!! Don't be afraid that you'll be in more pain. There are actually people out there that care about others.
Take my advice, and stay away from the darkness. No, we don't have cookies. There is no joy in killing others, or hurting others. Being alone sucks. Take it from me. I've spaced myself from everyone too much. I can never feel the true love I once had. Everyone is just out of reach. Don't end up like me. Be strong, hold on, and never give in. You are you, and let no one break that.
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