I stopped back last May of 08. So why am I bleeding in June of 09? It doesn't matter how long I can stop I'll still go back to it in the end. I wonder if Steven will notice the new scars. They're on my stomach, he shouldn't. But hey, who knows? I'm writing this on a cutting high but maybe I have something here. It stings but I won't tell Laurie or Tiffany this time. And Steven never will know. He can't.
But don't you see? He does know. I told him the next morning when the high was long gone. It just hurt him in the end and I had to promise not to do it again. I wonder if I can keep that promise? And they did scar a little, but they will fade.....most likely
My knife was my friend. The one thing I thought could never fail or judge me. But trully it did fail me; because although the high was better than what I've experienced in months I know that if I continue it will fade. It always will. So why do I still resent him for making me promise not to do it? Maybe it's that I am prideful enough that I would only want to promise to stop for and because of me. If I stop and become stronger than it I want to know that the reason is I am strong enough in myself not that I am sacrificing something for someone else merely because I love them.
Does that make sense?
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