• Silent Dreams
    Chapter One


    Jerking awake, my back rocketed from the bed as I gasped for air and clutched my chest. I desperately sucked in air as if it were going to be my last and felt my chest rising and falling rapidly while my mind struggled to make sense of what caused such a rude awakening. For a moment everything seemed like puzzle pieces that didn’t fit with each other but soon I found the right ones and pieced them together. Once I had pieced everything together, I played it back like a movie. I could see myself standing in a vast field with the moon’s radiant light illuminating the darkness of the sky and field just slightly. The clouds looked dull as they zoomed by the moon, occasionally blocking the light and causing darkness to consume the entirety of the scene. Studying the sky even closer, I came to realize that there were no stars—only a blank nothingness. My eyes left the sky and wandered to the ground which harbored the only color in this dark world. The grass was vibrant and had a healthy green shade; it was the type of grass nourished by caring soil. It was soft beneath my feet and for just a little while I completely forgot all about the dark, brooding sky above me. I became entranced by it and unconsciously took a step, wanting to feel more of the soft grass beneath my bare toes. As soon as my foot pressed into it, the vibrant, healthy green shade seemed to be sucked out in its entirety and left nothing but the dull gray color of the clouds above. The sudden whisk of color startled me and I jerked back, whipping my head all around. There was nothing to be seen but as I turned around once more a figure faced me, our noses less than an inch apart. I screamed and jumped back, only to encounter another figure. They seemed to be dead, yet they breathed like living individuals. Their flesh had become pale and just as dull as the clouds and grass. Their gray flesh hung off of their bones by pieces that stretched so far it was miraculous that it was still attached. They smelled just like rotting corpses, and that’s exactly what they were.
    I started to run but when I turned I encountered yet another corpse—only then did I realize that I was now surrounded by them. The stench was unbearable but there was nowhere to escape from it. They drew closer and as they did I began to realize who they were, and I screamed as their long, bony fingers clawed at my living flesh.
    My heart had finally begun to slow after reliving my nightmare and the vision seemed to fade slightly from my memory. The hand that clutched my chest ran up my neck and to my forehead, pushing back stray strands of hair and wiping away beads of sweat. I shut my eyes tightly yet saw vague visions of my dream.
    Why now…? I thought.
    I sighed through my nostrils and shook my head slowly as my hand ran down my entire face, wiping at the remaining sweat. I leaned over and reached for the bottle of Prazosin prescribed to me six months ago. It makes no sense, I thought, I’ve been on this stuff for six months and nothing has changed. My hands were trembling terribly and as I held the small pill bottle in my hand it rattled loudly. I felt as if I were going through a drug withdrawal and no matter how many deep breaths I took my body still trembled. I managed to get the bottle open, pouring more pills into my hand than I needed, and swallowed two with the help of some water. I dropped the excess pills back into the bottle and pushed the comforter back to slowly get out of bed. The trip to the bathroom was slow and I felt dizzy but I got there in one piece. After using the restroom I washed my hands and splashed some cool water on my face, which helped me relax just a little. The trembling had calmed down a little but it was still obvious. I proceeded to start my morning ritual of preparing for work which consisted of a shower, brushing my teeth, exfoliating my face, putting on my uniform, and tying my hair back into my usual ponytail.
    Before I left the bathroom, I stared at myself for a long time, burning holes into my own eyes. Something was different, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I finally broke the trance with myself and turned off the light, leaving the bathroom. I trekked—no, rather I trudged—into the kitchen and filled the teakettle on the stove with water, setting it back on one of the eyes and turning up the heat. While I waited for the ear-piercing whistle, I decided to feed my two Maine Coons, Nala and Nyx, and my two German Shepherds, Azazeal and Cloud. Nala and Nyx were sisters that I adopted after their mother died and they were put in the pound. They were a day from being put down and when I found out I just had to take them home with me. Nala had golden fur with stripes a few shades lighter than the rest of her fur while Nyx had golden fur and black stripes. Azazeal had sleek, black fur and Cloud had pure white fur. They were brother and sister and Azazeal was a role model big brother to his little sister. I scratched all four of them behind their ears and greeted them. Nala and Nyx greeted me back by nuzzling my hand and Azazeal and Cloud returned the greeting by licking my face. I smiled a little, pleased to be in their company, and got up to wipe off my face. The teakettle still hadn’t sounded its signature tune so I turned on the TV to see what was on the News. As usual, there weren’t any good things to report and even worse, it was going to rain all day. I sighed and strode into the living room to open the curtains and stare out into the world. The sky was dull yet held remnants of hopeful sunlight. The teakettle sounded its alarm after a few minutes and I closed the curtains. Using the hot water from the kettle, I prepared myself two packs worth of strawberry oatmeal and called it breakfast.
    As soon as I sat down at the island I heard my cell phone ring from my bedroom. Groaning, I got up to fetch it and during the short trek it took me to get to it I decided that I would rather have it set to vibrate than that annoying default ringtone. Even before I got up to answer the phone I knew it was Avril.
    “You know, Avril, we see each other at work every day “, I sighed once I answered the call.
    “Well good morning to you too. “, she laughed.
    I found myself smiling as I shook my head back and forth slowly. “Good morning.” I said with a soft chuckle.
    “Thank you.” she said. “And I call you every morning to make sure you’re alright. Isn’t that what friends are supposed to do?”
    “Friends are supposed to let friends eat breakfast in peace.” I said.
    “Breakfast? Since when did you find time for breakfast?” she wondered.
    “I woke up early.” I said.
    “That doesn’t sound like the girl I know.” she said. “Did something happen?”
    I hesitated, debating in my mind whether or not to tell the truth or shrug it off and lie. If I lied, she’d see through it and demand I tell her, and if I told the truth about having a nightmare she’d freak out and demand I tell her what it was about. It was a lose-lose situation. I pursed my lips together and glanced down at my oatmeal sitting idle in the white floral print bowl I had picked out. “I had a bad dream, that’s all.” I finally said.
    “A bad dream? You wanna talk about it?” she asked.
    “Nah, not really.” I muttered.
    “Well, honey, it sounds like it really got you spooked.” she said. “You sure you don’t wanna talk?”
    “Yeah.”, I nodded. “I’m sure.”
    “I’ll lay off for now, but you’re gonna spill it later, got it?”
    “Got it. “, I smiled. “Now will you lemme eat in peace?”
    “Whatcha eatin’?” she asked, ignoring me altogether.
    “Oatmeal.”, I said as I rolled my eyes with a smirk.
    “Ooh, save me some.” she laughed.
    “Get your own.” I said, laughing with her.
    “You’re so mean sometimes.” she chuckled. “Anyways, I’ll let you go, ‘kay? I gotta get on the road soon if I wanna clock in on time.”
    “’Kay.” I said. “Be careful out there, lots of crazies.”
    “You bet.”, she said. “See you when you clock in.”
    “Mhm.”, I nodded, and then hung up with a short sigh of relief before digging into my breakfast. By the time I had finished I was running out of time and quickly gathered my purse, making sure to bring my pills, cell phone, and a few other items. I said my good-byes to Nala, Nyx, Azazeal, and Cloud before leaving my home and locking the door behind me. I managed to get to work on time—a minute more and I would’ve been late—and just as Avril said she was waiting for me by the elevators. This week her hair was blue—last week her ends were dyed pink while the rest of her hair was black—and tied into a neat bun. I complimented the dye job and she thanked me. It seemed like she decided to do her makeup differently and so her eyeshadow was a dark blue that blended in with her black eyeliner, giving the illusion of a blue smoky look. She was wearing a plain, crisp black button-up uniform shirt and a skirt to match that fell a few inches below her knees.
    “Those new?” I asked, pointing to her clogs as we boarded the elevator.
    “Yeah, got ‘em yesterday when I went shopping with my sister.” she replied.
    “They’re nice.” I said.
    “Maybe we can get you a pair. You’re off tomorrow, right?” she asked as she pushed the button labeled “3”.
    “Yeah, but, I don’t think I can afford something like those.” I replied.
    “They were on sale.” she said. “50% off.”
    “50?” I gasped, my jaw popping open.
    “Yeah, girl. You think I’d spend $100 on shoes?” she laughed. “I’ve got bills to pay.”
    “If that’s the case then I definitely wanna go shopping.” I said.
    “Good, pick you up at noon, then?” she asked.
    “Yeah.” I nodded. “Gives me some time to sleep in.”
    She chuckled and patted my back as the elevator came to a stop at our destination. “You look like you could use some sleep.” she said as she led me out.
    “Yeah, I haven’t been getting much lately.” I said.
    “What’s been going on?” she asked.
    “Bad dreams.” I mumbled.
    “You tell your doctor about it?”
    “Yeah but they just keep telling me to wait for the medicine to take effect.” I sighed. “It’s been six months and it hasn’t done anything. I mean, sure it worked for the first month or two but it’s not working anymore.”
    “What about therapy? When’s the last time you did that?”
    “Three months ago. It wasn’t working so I stopped going.”
    “I think you should go back to it.”
    “I don’t know right now, Avril.” I sighed, shooting her an irritated look.
    “Alright, alright, I get it.” she said, throwing up her hands. “I’ll leave it be.”
    “Thank you.” I said. “And you need to get to your floor, not babysit me.”
    “Nothing wrong with looking out for my little sister.” she grinned, nudging my shoulder with her elbow and tousling my hair. I rolled my eyes and gave her a nudge back, telling her to go on before she got in trouble. “’Kay, jeez. Say hey to Ruby for me.”
    “I will. “ I said, stopping at a four-way of the hallway. We parted ways—she going left and I going right. I made my way to the area of the hospital just for children and found Ruby’s room. Surprisingly she was wide awake and when she noticed me standing in the doorway she perked up even more.
    “Celia!” she exclaimed.
    “Morning, kiddo.” I smiled, taking a step into the room. “D’ya sleep well?”
    “I slept really good.” she nodded.
    “That’s great.” I said. “Where’s your mommy and daddy?”
    “They had to go to work, but mommy said she’d come by right after work and stay with me, daddy too.”
    “You must be excited then.” I said, checking her monitors.
    “Yep.”
    “So how’s that leg of yours?” I asked.
    “I think I’m ready to walk on it.”
    “Can I see?”
    She nodded and I gently pushed the blanket off of her right leg. The cast was in perfect condition still and I checked her toes to make sure that there was no swelling or cut-off circulation. Once I finished inspecting her leg I gave her a smile.
    “I’d say in another week, just to be sure.”
    “Aw, another week?” she pouted.
    “Just to be sure.” I repeated, my smile broadening. She looked disappointed but I assured her that a week would blow by in a breeze.
    “Promise?”
    “I promise.” I nodded.
    “Okay.” she grinned.
    “Mhm, and Avril told me to tell you that she said ‘hey’.” I said.
    “Will you tell her I said hi back?”
    “Of course, sweetie.” I said.
    “Thank you.” she smiled.
    “You’re welcome.” I said. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll go get you some breakfast.”
    “Okay.” she said. I left her room and proceeded to greet my other patients and ask how they had sleep. They all told me that they slept great, and I envied them. I hadn’t had a decent good night’s sleep since the incidents that happened back in February and my sleeping habits plummeted even more when Ruby was emitted. The poor little girl came in abused, broken, raped, and half starved to death. Her story was that she was kidnapped while she was walking home from school. She somehow managed to escape and wander into the hospital where I worked before collapsing. The rape kit confirmed my suspicions about who her kidnapper and attacker was—and that was Sunny Wallace, a serial killer, rapist, and kidnapper. The newspaper referred to him as the new Ted Bundy, and from the seemingly hopelessly lost police he wasn’t going to stop unless they stopped him. As far as a regular Jane like myself knew, Ruby was Wallace’s only victim that escaped. When Ruby’s parents reported that she was missing, the police pretty much already knew who the kidnapper was, and no one seemed to hold any hope for the poor child.
    I guess deep down inside I had hope that maybe, just maybe, she would come back to her family alive rather than floating in the Hudson face down in the water. That’s why when she was emitted and became my patient I became very attached to her. The one thing I learned in med school was to never get attached to your patients, but it’s easier said than done.
    The trembling in my body started again and after bringing my patients their breakfast I took a short break to the restroom to calm my nerves. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you need to get it under control, I thought. Hell, if you have a mental breakdown right here in this hospital you’ll end up in a Psych Ward instead of the Pediatric area where you belong. I swept my hand underneath the faucet and water gushed out. Cupping my hands together, I let the water fill to the brink of overflowing and splashed my face. The cool temperature of the water caused bumps to rise on my skin but it calmed me down just a little and eased my trembling.
    A sudden crack of thunder made me jump and almost scream but I sighed and mentally slapped myself in the face. After a few deep breaths I calmed down enough to leave the bathroom and went on with my job. By the time I was able to take my lunch break I was feeling a bit on edge but when Avril confronted me about it I told her that it was nothing.
    “Nothing? You won’t even touch your food.” she said.
    “I guess I’m just not very hungry.” I said, giving her a lighthearted smile.
    “Bullshit.” she huffed. “What’s going on with you today?”
    “Nothing.” I groaned. “Just having a bad day.”
    She sighed and twisted the bottle cap on her Coca-Cola. “Well then maybe I can help turn it around into a good day.” she said.
    “And how will you do that?” I asked, dreading her answer. She gestured to something behind me with her fork that still had a piece of lettuce stuck to it and gave me a sinister smile. Frowning, I turned around to see what she was referring to and I found my eyes locking on Axel’s. He gave me a soft smile as he passed by and I quickly turned around towards Avril again to hide my blush.
    “Oh my God, you didn’t even smile back!” she whined.
    “Why would you do that?” I hissed.
    “Hey, you didn’t have to turn around.” she said with a cheeky grin. I frowned at her but stole a glance over my shoulder to where Axel had moved. He was sitting with two other male nurses that worked in the same department as he did—Dominick and Scott—and they seemed to be joking around while they enjoyed their lunch together. My staring became increasingly prolonged and Axel noticed. Again, he gave me a soft smile but this time he waved at me. I lifted my hand lightly and gave him a small smile back before turning back around towards Avril with a scowl.
    “You are officially an a*****e.” I said, picking up my fork and stabbing it into my salad.
    “Hey, I just helped you.” she said. “That was the most contact you two have ever made the entire time you’ve worked here.”
    I rolled my eyes at her and proceeded to take the first bite of my lunch but she told me that I ought to be thankful that she didn’t stroll over to him and tell him that I’d been stalking him. “I never stalked him.” I growled.
    “Maybe not but I’ve seen the way you look at him.” she smiled. “I mean, the guy is pretty hot so who wouldn’t check him out?”
    “Do you check him out too?” I asked with a mumble.
    “Nah, I know you have the hots for him.”
    “No I don’t.” I said.
    “Whatever.” she sighed. She stabbed her fork through another piece of lettuce and resumed eating her lunch. I did the same and there was no more talk of my crush on Axel. Like Avril said, he was pretty hot so who wouldn’t check him out? On more than one occasion I contemplated on asking him on a date but I chickened out whenever I saw him. I suppose looking at him isn’t what makes me freeze in place; it’s when he looks at me. His eyes were beautiful and like nothing I’d ever seen before. I would compare them to an angel’s, but I think the beauty of his would overpower the angel’s. Shamefully, I daydreamed about him for the entire lunch break and would have daydreamed even longer if Avril hadn’t smacked my arm.
    “What?” I wondered.
    “I said it’s time to get back to work.” she said. She gave me a stern maternal look and then sighed. “Honey, you need to stop dreaming and hit the real deal, if you get me.”
    I started to argue but her pager began to beep and she had to hurry off and tend to a patient experiencing a heart attack. I started to get up to go tend to my own patients but an arm brushed against my own and I felt a firm hand grab my shoulder. Nearly screaming, I slapped at it and jerked back, only to realize it was Axel’s hand that I had smacked. He gave me a worried look and apologized for startling me.
    “I-it’s fine…” I said quickly. “I’ve just been pretty jumpy today.”
    “Are you alright?” he wondered.
    I gave him a short series of quick nods but froze in place when I met his hazel eyes. The color was so enticing and for some strange reason I was compelled to wave my hand in front of his face. I often wondered if he suffered from cataracts, but he showed no signs of it.
    “Are you sure you’re alright?”
    “I…I’m positive.” I managed to get out, my eyes locked on his and searching.
    “Alright.” he said, giving me his award winning smile. “Then can we talk for a little bit? I don’t think I’ve ever had a full conversation with you since we met.”
    “I really need to get to my patients though…” I mumbled.
    “Maybe after work then? I could walk you to your car and we could talk then?”
    My mouth popped open a little but I quickly shut it and thought it over. Thinking that I couldn’t handle being alone with him, I decided to sit back down in my seat. “I suppose I can spare a few minutes.” I said. He smiled and took Avril’s seat in front of me.
    “Well, I’ll just get straight down to the point since you said that you don’t have much time.” He said. “I wanted to ask if you would be busy tomorrow. Avril told me that you would be off and since my shift ends at five I was wondering if we could hang out.”
    My heart started to flutter madly and my eyes widened a bit. He can’t be serious, I thought. I frowned a little bit as I thought and he must’ve taken it negatively.
    “Sorry, I’m being too sudden.” he said, beginning to get up from his seat. Unconsciously, my hand shot out from my lap and grabbed his left wrist as I blurted out that I didn’t want him to leave. His eyes shot down to his wrist and then to my eyes, which prompted me to quickly let go of him and sputter an apology. He didn’t say anything and I opened my mouth to tell him that he was being quite the opposite, but I couldn’t form words or will anything to come out. He gave me a curious look, as if waiting to see if I would say anything or not. He came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t and I closed my mouth shamefully.
    “Does that mean you want to hang out tomorrow, then?” he wondered. I still couldn’t will myself to speak so I bit my lip and gave him a small nod. His face lit up and he smiled. “What time should I pick you up then?”
    “P-pick me up?” I gaped, breaking the spell on my sealed vocal cords.
    “You’d rather hang out at your place? Or my place?”
    “N-no, that’s not what I meant!” I sputtered. “I just…it just kinda surprised me, that’s all.”
    “Surprised you?”
    I gave him a nod but waved my hand, signaling that I wanted to dismiss what I just said. “What did you have in mind?” I asked.
    “I don’t know, it’s all up to you.” he replied.
    “Up to me?” I thought. “Well, I don’t really know either…”
    He smiled and eased back into his seat. “Well, we could see a movie, have dinner, go to a museum, anything really.” he said.
    “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t have a lot of experience in this sort of thing so whatever you think is best is fine.”
    “What do you mean?” he wondered.
    “About what?”
    “About not having a lot of experience.”
    “I don’t go on dates very often.” I mumbled.
    “You don’t?” he asked, his thick black eyebrows rising in surprise. I shook my head and he seemed to chuckle. The action made me feel terrible and I was about to tell get up and walk away but he apologized and reached across the table to grab my hand which was clutching the fabric of the collar of my shirt. “I’m not laughing because I think that’s funny, Celia. I laughed because I can’t believe that what you said is true.” he explained.
    “What do you mean you can’t believe it’s true?” I frowned. “I’m not a liar.”
    “No, no, that’s not what I meant.” he said quickly. “It’s just that, I imagined that you were the type of woman who gets asked out by a lot of men, so when you said that you don’t have a lot of experience with it I was surprised and responded with laughter. I didn’t mean for it to be taken offensively.”
    “Why would you think I’m the type who gets asked out a lot?” I asked, furrowing my brow a little deeper.
    “You’re really beautiful.” he replied.
    He’s being so cliché, I scoffed. “I don’t like being lied to or played.” I grumbled as I wriggled my hand free from his and started to get up. “Now I have patients to take care of so please excu—“
    This time he grabbed my wrist and gave me a look of pure honesty. “I’m not lying to you or playing you, Celia.” he said. “I really do think you’re beautiful.”
    His words caused my cheeks to burn and he noticed. “Don’t people tell you that more?” he asked. I shook my head and his eyebrows furrowed in disappointment and sadness. “Well they should.” he said. “You’re a very beautiful woman.”
    The compliment made me smile shyly and I had to look away to avoid embarrassment. I felt his thumb stroke my knuckles and I felt bumps rise against my skin.
    “Axel…what made you decide to ask me on a date?” I asked as I slowly willed my gaze back to meet his.
    “Well, for awhile I’ve wanted to but I wasn’t sure if you would say yes or not.” he replied.
    “I would’ve said yes.” I muttered under my breath.
    He heard me and perked up. “Really?” he wondered.
    “Yeah…”
    “Well I’m glad I finally got the courage to ask you.” he smiled.
    I nodded and finally realized that I was still standing. “I…should I sit back down or are we done talking?” I asked. He gave me a funny look and I mentally slapped myself. “I’m sorry, that sounded really rude.” I said quickly.
    “No, it didn’t sound rude.” he said as he started to get up too. “I know I’m holding you up, so I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t apologize.” I said as I craned my neck to look into his eyes again.
    He gave me a sweet smile and squeezed my hand. “Well can I at least walk you back up to your department?” he asked.
    “Sure, I’d like that.” I nodded. His smile widened and he let my hand go long enough for me to gather my things, then took my hand once more. I thought it was a bit strange that he’d be holding my hand but I didn’t mind it; in fact I really liked the feeling of his warm hand encasing mine. Being in an elevator together alone was a bit uncomfortable but I enjoyed it anyways. When it came time for us to part ways he asked me if he could walk me to my car when my shift was over and I told him that that would be wonderful. I watched him speed-walk down the hall towards his department and felt my heart flutter. I vowed to kill Avril tomorrow when she came by to take me shopping but for the time being I gave her thanks of pure gratitude and went on with my job. Ruby’s mother and father still hadn’t arrived so I stayed and kept her company, playing simple games like checkers and tic-tac-toe.
    “Can I ask you something?” she piped up, breaking the silence in the room except for the movie “A Bug’s Life” playing on TV.
    “Of course, sweetheart.” I said. When I broke my gaze with the TV and looked at her trouble was written in large print across her forehead. “What’s the matter?”
    “I’m really scared…”
    Alarm struck my heart and I turned my entire body towards her in my seat, taking her small hands in mine. I was careful not to disturb the pulse oximeter clamped to her finger and I asked her why she was afraid.
    “I just have a really bad feeling.” she said.
    “A bad feeling? About what?” I asked.
    “About the man who kidnapped me.” she mumbled.
    “Sweetheart, that man is gone now and he’ll never come back.” I said. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”
    “But I heard the police people say that he’s never been caught!” she cried. I pulled her into my arms and patted her head, stopping only a few times to stroke her hair, as she bawled into my chest.
    “It’s okay.” I cooed. “He won’t hurt you anymore.” Her tears stained my teal uniform top and made it look like I had spilled water on myself but I continued to let her cry until she felt better.
    “Do you promise?” she asked after wiping her eyes.
    “I promise.” I nodded, patting her back gently. “He won’t hurt you anymore.”
    She sniffled for a few minutes until she controlled herself and then threw her small, thin arms around my neck. She buried her face there and thanked me.
    “For what, sweetheart?” I asked.
    “For taking care of me.” she replied.
    My lips spread into a smile and I rubbed her back softly. “You’re welcome.” I said. We stayed in our embrace for a few moments until I heard a knock on the door. When I turned to see who it was it was her mother, Dolina. Her curly auburn hair was place in a neat up-do and today she wore a short sleeved brown shirt and a long skirt that stopped a few inches below her knees to match, equipped with a pair of knee-high black boots. Aside from the beautiful Prada purse on her shoulder, she was carrying a gift bag with something brown and fuzzy sticking out of it. She pushed up her glasses with the hand holding the gift bag and greeted me kindly.
    “Hey.” I smiled as Ruby pulled back from the hug to wave at her mother.
    “Has she been doing alright?” Dolina asked.
    “She’s been doing great.” I nodded. I gently pinched Ruby’s cheek and gave her a brighter smile. “She’s a real trooper, that’s for sure.”
    She giggled and Dolina strode across the room gracefully to give Ruby a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re doing good, honey.” she smiled.
    “I’m glad you’re here, mommy.” Ruby said, smiling back. Her mother stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head before looking at me.
    “Thank you so much for caring for her so well.” she said. “I’m truly thankful.”
    “You don’t have to thank me.” I said. “I’m more than happy to care for her.”
    She thanked me again anyways and we chatted for a little while longer before I excused myself to check on my other patients. Devon, who was only five years-old, was emitted into the hospital after breaking his arm on the playground and his mother and father had yet to arrive from work. I stayed and played a game or two with him to keep him company until his parents arrived. The hours were long and seemed to tick on endlessly but being with my patients brought comfort to me and it calmed my nerves. I no longer trembled like I did this morning but I still felt as if something were “off”. I shook it off as I clocked out and waited for Axel. Avril worked a longer shift than I did so I would have to fuss at her when she got home and called me. Deep down I was truly thankful that she made me turn around and look at Axel to spark the courage he needed to ask me on a date.
    My daydream was disturbed when I heard the “bing” of the elevator and the doors part way to let its passengers out. A man in his early fifties with hair that had already turned white stepped out and clocked out. I assumed he was a surgeon but I couldn’t quite figure out which department he worked in. A few more people stepped out and I was starting to worry because Axel still hadn’t made his presence. I was beginning to think that he really was playing me and he wasn’t at all the sweet, gentleman I imagined him to be. Just when I thought of giving up he stepped out, being the last to vacate the elevator, and caught my gaze. He smiled at me as he came towards me and asked how the rest of my day had been while he clocked out.
    “It was really nice.” I said quietly, adjusting the purse on my shoulder and clasping my hands together at my crotch, intertwining my fingers with each other. “What about you?”
    “Busy.” he chuckled as he turned towards me. Once again, I was mesmerized by his eyes but they broke away from mine for a second to glance down. I followed his gaze and realized that his stare was locked on my hands which were clasped together. I released them and started to take his hand but hesitated. He noticed my hesitation and assured me that he was more than okay with me holding his hand by taking mine in his. I smiled lightly and he led me out of the building, holding the door open for me with his free hand. We were both pleased to find that the rain had stopped. I hadn’t noticed before but his fluffy black hair was tied back into a small ponytail and I thought it to be quite cute, especially since it covered his ears a bit. To be honest, everything about him was attractive. The way he seemed so innocent made me wary of him yet strongly attracted. He squeezed my hand lightly as he asked where my car was parked.
    “Not far.” I said, squinting a bit as I tried to locate my Mercedes Benz CLA250 Coupe under the dingy orange street lights. I found it, parked next to a Suzuki Alto, and led him in the direction of it. As soon as we started walking, I felt an ominous presence as a mild breeze picked up. I felt chills running down my spine and unconsciously moved closer to Axel as my head whipped around the parking lot, trying to identify anything out of the ordinary. He noticed that I moved closer but seemed to pay it no mind, probably happy that there was less of a distance between us. If I hadn’t felt so edgy I would’ve rather enjoyed the moment but I couldn’t help clutching his arm with my free hand and shifting my gaze to every street lamp. Analyzing the area as if it were data, I started to call myself insane and was about to turn my attention back to Axel and the warmth of his hand when something caught my eye. I stopped in my tracks, stopping him too, and locked my gaze on a street lamp in which a Honda Accord was sitting idle under. I squinted for a while, trying to make out a shadow underneath it. I thought it was a maybe my eyes deceiving me but I could feel the shadow’s eyes locked on me. The feeling I received from this unseen stare was hostile, and I felt bumps rise on my skin as my heart began to race.
    “What’s the matter?” Axel piped up. “You’re squeezing my hand really tight.”
    I started to tell him about the silhouette but before I could it seemed to take a step back into darkness and vanish from existence. Again, Axel asked me what was wrong but this time I only shook my head and told him that I just thought I saw a stray cat.
    “Do you like cats?” he asked, giving me a gentle pull in the direction of my car. I started to walk again, but slower this time, and with my eyes still locked on that street lamp where I saw the figure.
    “Yeah.” I replied. “I love cats.”
    “Well it’s nice to meet another cat lover.” he said with a small chuckle.
    I gave him a distracted smile but finally broke my trance with the street lamp, despite the ominous vibes it gave me. He squeezed my hand a bit and when I turned to face forward I saw that my car was only about ten more feet away. When we reached it, I held his hand a little tighter because I knew I was going to have to let it go soon and I wanted to savor the feeling for as long as possible.
    “So I can pick you up at six tomorrow?” he asked as I fumbled around in my purse for my car keys. I struggled with just one hand and eventually had to release his hand so that I could go treasure hunting in my bag.
    “That would be great.” I nodded, pushing aside a crumpled receipt and a black gel pen with gold trimming.
    “Could you give me your address?” he asked.
    “Of course! I forgot about that.” I said. My trembling started up again while I retrieved the pen I had previously pushed aside and finally found my keys. I stuck the key into the lock underneath the door handle and unlocked the door. I slid into the driver’s seat and reached over across the passenger seat to open the glove compartment in search of a piece of paper or a napkin. I had no luck and when I sighed in defeat he seemed to chuckle.
    “It’s okay, I have a notepad.” he said, undoing the button on his satchel and rummaging through the black bag. He pulled out a small blue notepad like the kind that guy from Blue’s Clues carried around. He handed it to me and I thanked him. Thankfully he didn’t seem to notice the trembling in my hand as I took the notepad from him but he caught on when he saw the struggle I was going through to keep my hand steady enough to write my address. At one point I almost dropped the pen but I took a deep breath and managed to calm down.
    “Wait, uh…do you need the directions too?” I asked after a minute.
    “No, I’ve got a GPS.” he replied.
    “Oh, okay.” I said. I scribbled “Celia’s address” underneath my address and gave it to him. He smiled and thanked me, but I told him that there was no need to.
    “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then at six?”
    “Mhm.” I nodded.
    “Great.” he smiled. He hesitated but leaned in a bit closer to me. I panicked, thinking that he was going in for a kiss, and leaned back a bit into my car. He noticed my movement and apologized.
    “It’s okay.” I mumbled. “I’m just not comfortable with you trying to kiss me when we kind of just met…”
    “I wasn’t going to kiss you.” he said. “That really would be being too sudden.”
    “You weren’t?” I gaped.
    “No, I was only going to give you a hug.” he replied. Stupidity shot me between the eyes and I groaned inwardly. [********, ********, ********, ********] I thought, mentally smacking myself repeatedly on the forehead.
    “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” I said.
    “It’s okay.” he said. “I should’ve asked for your permission instead of just leaning in like that. I’m sorry.”
    “No, it’s okay, really.” I assured. He looked doubtful but I decided to show him that I was being serious by sliding out of my car and wrapping my arms around his thin waist. It was surprising how thin he was and if I had squeezed him any tighter I might’ve crushed him. I’m sure I surprised him but he seemed to like the surprise because he wrapped his arms around my back softly and chuckled. I could feel the vibrations of his laughter from his chest and I found it comforting. Even though he was thin, he had a large and comforting chest that I found myself in love with. I listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat for the duration of the hug until he let me go and thanked me for allowing him to hug me.
    “Ah…you’re welcome.” I said.
    He smiled. “Have a good night.” he said.
    “You too.” I said as I slid back into my car. He closed my door for me and waved goodbye as I started my car. I waved goodbye to him with a smile and put the car in reverse to back out of my parking space. The drive home was rather peaceful and I was glad that the trembling in my body had gone away. When I got home, Nala, Nyx, Azazeal, and Cloud were waiting for me at the door and I was just as glad to see them as they were to see me. I fed them their dinner and scratched each of them behind their ears before separating myself to take a shower and rid myself of the hospital smell I usually came home with. After my shower I called Avril and gave her quite the tongue lashing.
    “Why are you so mad?” she laughed. “I helped you get a date for the first time in like three years!”
    “You set me up though!” I shot back as I walked into the dimly lit living room and pushed the curtains of my large window back to stare out into the midnight sky and gaze at its stars.
    “Well it’s not like you were gonna be the one to make the first move.” she snorted.
    “You don’t know that.” I frowned. “I could’ve done it.”
    “Yeah, right.” she said. “But I know that you’re not mad at me for doing it.”
    I sighed in defeat and nodded as I ran my fingers through my damp hair. “Yeah…I’m not mad at all. I’m really happy and excited, but pissed.”
    “Well you won’t be pissed when he comes to pick you up.” she said. “I bet he’ll have the most amazing day in the world planned out for you guys.”
    “I don’t expect it to be amazing.” I said.
    “Why?”
    “Av, you know me.” I said. “For God’s sake I have to take drugs three times a day just to block s**t out!”
    “I don’t think he’d care about that.” she said. “When I talked to him he seemed like a real stand-up guy. Not every day you find a man like that.”
    “Well, I guess that’s true. When I talked to him he was really sweet.”
    “See? I think you two would make a perfect couple.”
    “I don’t know, Av…I’m just so…weird.” I muttered.
    “Who said you were weird?” she asked.
    “The last guy I dated. “ I said.
    “That guy was a d**k and someone you shouldn’t have wasted your time with.” she huffed. “He couldn’t see what an awesome girl you are.”
    “Thanks.” I smiled.
    “No problem, but you’d better go to bed soon if you want to wake up early enough for me to take you shopping for some nice clothes.”
    “Why do I need new clothes?” I asked.
    “For your date, duh.” she replied.
    “I don’t need new clothes to go on a date.” I said.
    “What if he takes you to a fancy dinner? What will you wear?”
    “I’m 100% sure he won’t take me to a fancy dinner.” I said.
    “How do you know?”
    “Fancy restaurants are expensive.” I said, rolling my eyes. “I can’t afford it.”
    “How do you know he won’t pay for your meal?”
    “Because I won’t let him and it would be too expensive.”
    “How do you know he’s not rich?”
    “Why are you asking so many questions?”
    “Because you’re saying things that you don’t know the answer to.”
    “Av, if he works at the hospital and isn’t a surgeon I doubt he makes a lot.” I sighed.
    “Well have you seen how good looking he is? Damn, I betcha he works for a male escort service.” she said. “If he’s as good looking down there as he is up there then I be—“
    “Will you shut up?” I blurted out. “I don’t want to think about that!”
    “What’s the difference from thinking about it now when you were definitely thinking about it at lunch?” she laughed.
    “I wasn’t thinking about that at lunch.” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks and ears burn.
    “Sure you weren’t.” she laughed.
    “I wasn’t.” I repeated.
    “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” she huffed. “A lil’ Catholic school girl like you wouldn’t be caught dead thinking about a man’s loins.”
    “Stop saying that, I’m not—“
    “Hell, Celia, have you ever even had sex before?” she asked.
    “I’m hanging up.” I grumbled, pulling the phone away from my ear. She told me to wait just before I could push the end button on the house phone and I groaned.
    “I’m not kidding.” she said. “Have you ever had sex?”
    “You’ve known me for all your life; you should know the answer to that.” I said, furrowing my eyebrows.
    “That was personal business though.” she said.
    “And it’s still personal business now.” I said, placing my hand on my hip as I strode into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
    “Just be honest with me.” she sighed.
    I took a deep breath as I peered into the fridge and grabbed an ambrosia apple out from the drawer at the bottom. “No.” I mumbled into the speaker. “I’ve never…had sex before.”
    “Celia!” she scolded.
    “Well what do you want from me?” I whined as I shut the fridge door and rinsed the apple off. “It’s not my fault!”
    “Yes it is! You’re a sexy young woman and you’ve denied every man who’s come across you access? That’s all on you, sweetie.”
    “Look, I’m waiting for the right man.” I sighed. “I’m not gonna sleep with someone I don’t love.”
    “Well because of that you’re gonna have a hard a** time trying to be comfortable on your date.” she huffed.
    “What are you talking about?”, I frowned.
    “He’ll probably want to hold your hand, hug you, or kiss you.” she said. “Or if he’s a fast kind of guy, he may want to put his hand on your leg.”
    “He wouldn’t do that.” I said.
    “How do you know?”
    “When he walked me to my car I thought he was trying to kiss me but he said that he was only gonna hug me because trying to kiss me would be being too sudden.” I explained.
    “Well you still need some lessons on this kind of stuff. He might ask if he can kiss you at the end of the date, who knows.” she said after a minute.
    “I know how to kiss.” I said.
    “Do you know how to do it passionately?” she asked. I was silent and she huffed in victory. “That’s what I thought.” she chuckled. “Google’s your friend, baby.”
    “I’m not going to subject myself to that.” I said.
    “Whatever you say.”
    “I’m serious. “ I muttered. I paused to take a bite of my apple. “I can handle my date without Googling dating advice.”
    “Alright, alright.” she said. “I’ll lay off.”
    “Good.” I nodded.
    “Mm.” she hummed. “Now tell me about what was wrong with you this morning.”
    “You still remember that?” I wondered.
    “Of course, now quit stalling and tell me.”
    “I just had another nightmare about those incidents back in February.” I explained. “That’s why when we were in the elevator together this morning I told you that the Prazosin wasn’t working anymore.”
    “Was it as bad as the others?” she asked.
    “No, not as bad.” I said. “But they still made me feel afraid and guilty.”
    “If you want we can just skip shopping and go see a doctor about this beca—“
    “No.” I said, interrupting her. “I don’t want to see a doctor, I’ll be fine.”
    “Bu—“
    “I’ll be fine. “, I said again.
    I heard her sigh on the other end. “If you say so.” she said.
    “Yeah, I do.” I said. “Now go to sleep, it’s past your bedtime.”
    “It’s past your bedtime too.” she said.
    “I’m going to bed soon.” I nodded. “I’m going to watch some TV then hit the hay.”
    “Alright, I’ll see you at twelve, sharp.”
    “’Kay.” I said. “Good night.”
    “Night.” she said before hanging up. I let out an open sigh and strode into the living room where I plopped down on the black, plush sofa and turned on the TV with the use of the remote. A movie called “P2” was on and I settled for that while I finished my apple with Nala and Ny curled up in my lap and Azazeal and Cloud sprawled out at my feet. When the movie finally ended around one thirty, I decided that I was too tired to stay up any longer and I headed to bed. My warm, soft bed was comforting but before I could drift off into sleep I had to take two more pills of my ineffective drug Prazosin and pray with all the faith I had for good dreams.