• When I, Complete Symphony, first shimmered into my house in the holographic Internet realm of Gaia Online from the electric portals at the Computer on November 24, 2013, I immediately saw a notice that had been slid through the mail slot in the door. I picked it up and saw that it was labeled, “Announcement.” When I opened it up, I immediately recoiled at the disgusting sight that was printed on the paper. A huge picture of a famous, no, nefarious space explorer’s gluteus maximus had been plastered all over the paper. At the very edge of the paper, on the space explorer's slightly hairy skin, were some small inscriptions. Some read “6hr Sale,” but I paid no attention to those. Instead, I was looking at the line that separated the two muscles. It was covered with shimmery golden feces. Curling my lip in disgust, I crumpled the paper up, stomped outside, and burned it. I watched with contempt and hatred as the paper was devoured by the flame.
    I then hurried along the stone-paved path with a small bag containing my measly amount of gold to the hubbub of Gaian commerce, the Marketplace. I strolled around and saw a multitude of inflated items traded for some freshly produced feces and some more inflated items take their place. I went over to the vendors that were selling my wishlist items and sadly observed the high amount of golden turds needed to buy their merchandise. Staring at the lightweight in my hand, also known as my depressing money bag, I turned away and headed to our world’s colossal Forums.
    The sound was deafening, but I stuffed earplugs into my ears and found my way to the area where avatars were discussed; then, I specifically went to the contests where people could create outfits for other Gaians. I always frequented this place; I enjoyed creating gorgeous outfits for my fellow people, and I loved the gold that I received as a reward for my dedicated work. But now, after observing closely, I saw that the rewards were tinged with the gold feces of the hated space explorer. The very sight made me want to regurgitate my lunch.
    I staggered back home, depressed that a new batch of sparkly gold poop had once again infected all parts of our world. I lay on my bed and begged the gods of Gaia to stop the ongoing Crapocalypse. Then I pressed the OFF button of the Holograph and faded away.