• Gal 5:23: "Gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

    Chapter 1: Part 1, The Pain.


    Water taps down on the chilling night, where the rain had finally came down to greet my hair and face. I'm cold, I'm so cold, and my blood is so warm..... It's fighting against the showered waters on my face. The wind breeze gives me a shake, and chatters my numb teeth. I am alone, I'm just in the dark, and I wanna go home. The buildings seem too calm, and even the dark windows seem a bit unusual. I'm afraid. I'm scared that everything is ready to collapse on me; the stray cats running in the street stare at me, and the dogs don't even bark at me. I'm walking just to live, knowing I don't have anywhere to be. I'm lost to myself and the monsters beneath my skin. I look around just to find something to rest my weary head on... I see a set of trash next to a dumpster, and it reeks. The stench of it brought my attention, in which I see a long alleyway. I walk down the alleyway, far from the ungodly odors of the garbage, right until I reach an end. There is a man dressed in a torn trench coat, and destroyed shoes. His pants are just sewed up old jeans, and his gloves have finger holes, which his slimy fingers grease out of. A fly is walking on his eyelids, and a pistol is right next to him. I check the back of his head... Blood rides down my fingers. The man's eyes quickly open, and he jerks me with his cold, wet hands.
    "You can't ******** tell me how to live, what to do, I'm sick of this s**t..."
    I try to loosed his grip, but he just pulls me closer and even tighter. "You stole my god damn life.... you stole my ******** life...." I grab his hand and I pull away as much as I can, but it's no use... His hands are trembling with anger. "You, you. You made me a freak, look at me... Look at me!!!" In fear, I grab his pistol from the side and pull the hammer. I pointed it in between his eyes. "Do it..... pull the god damn trigger... I have nothing more to live for." I look into his eyes, I look very very deep in his tearful eyes. There is so much pain, I can feel all the pain surround me; It almost makes me feel ever so guilty to pick up the gun. "Kill me. It's what I want, I can't do it myself. Just pull the ******** trigger." The truth about me is that inside my heart, I can't pull the trigger. There's just a force against it. It's just not right... "You think you got all the morals, all the good reasons not to push down that finger. I'm not even a human. I'm just a drug, that's all that has become of me. I'm a disgrace." My face twitches, and my heart is racing even faster than before... "Shoot me, shoot me, shoot me-" The man's words get lost in the own self audio of my heartbeat. Bu-bum... Bu-bum.... I can't take this, I'm just sweating as the rain falls on my face. My heartbeat is so loud, it's so loud.... Until finally it all stops and I can't hear a single thing but silence. "Shoot me."

    "Aaaugh!" I screamed from terror. My head flew up and hit the side of my bed. I wipe the sweat from my head, and yank the covers from my body. In my small, dark room, I look around scared to death. There's nobody here but myself. I curl up to my knees, until they touch my chest. My eyes lay wide awake for the rest of the night. Yet, I still feel the chill of the nightmare. I still can imagine the rain...... and the pain.