• Where the road ended was never known. Unknowingly, breathlessly, I ventured into what I had foreseen as my potential, bright future. Little did I know, what I had so patiently waited for was merely a figment of my imagination. This futuristic light seemed genuinely true; but no simple being such as I could have recognized the blindness it had bestowed upon my rationality. I knew as I stepped into this clear sunlight that I was welcoming a new day; I was welcoming a new future. Unfortunately, at only thirteen years young, I had not yet come to terms with what reality truly was.
    Whether my “love” was coming home or not remained a distracting mystery. My heart yearned for him to escape Californian life and return to the place he had left me. Where he was or what he did every day became less important; for as each day passed, the more I felt that I needed him. As time drifted away, he became more and more distant. I, completely at a loss as to what to do with my wasted seconds, became more and more broken. Wasting my life for this feeling had never felt relevant. He was the only thing in my conscious that could possibly convince me of any importance. Although deep in my mind I knew he was never going to come back, my subconscious never had a strong enough voice.
    I slowly began to grasp the idea that what I had grown to know was slowly unraveling to be nothing but foolish hopes. It is a pitiful, classic disappointment that every being of youth and age must endure; however, with no known guidance and a body pulsing with unsorted emotions, a young lady like me would never comprehend the never ending drama spilling around her. The urge to hug the earth so I can plead for the ground to open and swallow me whole has nearly won me over. Though if any reader does try to do such a thing, I highly warn you that many will find you crazy; but who in this world is to say that we aren’t?
    As these depressing days turned into wasted months, I turned to the substances my body had never been designed to tolerate. I sucked away a temporary fix to quench the emptiness that had grown inside my useless body. The artificial liquids soon began to control my mind; but another disappointment soon arose. The alcohol never took away these pestering thoughts or anxious feelings.
    You may say that the sun has never shined so brightly, but I will tell you with knowing honesty that the clouds have never gathered so thickly. I refuse to say that the world is cruel, for this is not the case. I would consider those inhabiting this planet a different story. My anxious pleas went unheard between loved ones and strangers; I had no where to turn. As these patronizing, secret voices hummed in my head, I desperately searched for help.
    I turned to my mother for guidance. You would expect that a loving parent such as she would have taken the time to understand, but no. As I revealed the invasion that was settling into my mind, she simply asked what on earth had I been taking. If she would only understand these voices had begun before the alcohol, perhaps she’d understand this was the real deal. The help I needed had been put into place, but to my disappointment the counseling was never put into play.