• This is a story of a man.

    Edward Allen Hoover is under the illusion that he is a turkey. He is often seen around his hometown of Kitchenuhmaykoosib in Ontario, dressed in a sweater or turtle neck, khaki's, a cone construction paper beak (with rubber waddle) attached over his nose via string, a large fan of feathers for a fake tail, fake wings attached to his arms with strings, and dried turkey feet taped to his boots. His neighbors became increasingly concerned for his state as he began to substitute his entire diet for corn and seed and stand out in the rain, staring up. So they have contracted my services as a community concerned for a man's mental health. What follows is my account of this man.

    Hoover was born in 1973. According to local census, his mother died in childbirth, though Hoover himself insists that she lived long enough to "incubate" him as an "egg", then teach him to walk around, and promptly left, as turkeys are wont to do. Townspeople say that his father raised him as a born-again christian, and homeschooled him until sixth grade. It is unknown at what age Hoover began his turkey dillusions, as he seems to have started them before he entered town life (sixth grade). Hoover was teased at first by classmates, but as he seemed unresponsive to their abuse, they quickly moved on.

    Hoover continued his persona as the local turkey after graduation, and went into the auto business with his uncle. However, he quickly found himself unfit in auto repair and was banished to paperwork in the front. Here he became a very efficent and accurate secretary. After his uncle's retirement, he found work at the local court as a stenographer, and reportedly has worked there since the mid to late 1990's.

    Hoover's father passed away sometime during this period. He died quietly in the home Hoover grew up in. As Hoover had moved out when he became a stenographer to a house closer to the center of town, he sold his father's old house. Hoover seems to be at peace with his father's passing, saying he was a "good man". He is still a born again christian; He still attends church adimently and makes a monthly donation in his father's name.

    Hoover spends his free time doing relatively average and mentally healthy things. He is an avid member of the local volunteer organization, is often seen grocery shopping, and organizes his church's christmas pagent every year. He has apparently even gone on a few dates in the past few years, though all ended with one date, understandably.

    When asked how Hoover can talk and wear clothes if he is a turkey, he replied that he is a "gifted turkey". He would not/was not able to describe what this meant.

    After several sessions with Hoover, I determined that as long as he had delusions of being a smart turkey, he was of no threat to himself or others. I convinced him to eat a more varied diet, though he is still a vegetarian (he says "herbivore" ). He still stares up in the rain.



    Update to file:

    I have located another case similar to Hoover's in a small First Nations People reservation in Ontario. This case is of Onawa (meaning "Wide Awake" ) Turner. After a brief discussion on the phone with a fellow psychologist who talked in detail with her, I think Hoover and Turner might suffer from the same affliction. I though it would be beneficial to have them meet. It was too good to pass up.

    Hoover agreed to meet Turner after hearing that she was similarly a "gifted animal". Turner also agreed. Upon first seeing each other, they simply stood and stared, without so much as an introduction. Turner is about 5"4, but still only slightly shorter than Hoover. Her father was European, and lived with the First Nations People with her native mother. She has a bit of a pig nose and high cheekbones, and wears her brown hair in braids. She has decided to always dress in full traditional native garb, including a set of reindeer antlers attached to a native headdress. She also wears, along with her deerskin dress, a pair of modified moccasins, similar to tap shoes. Turners also owns gloves with the same hoof-like appearance.

    After very halted "hello" by both parties, they decide to sit down and talk for a bit. They mostly talk about how they never thought they would find "someone like [them]". It seems as if they see each other as animals.

    Hoover and I left, but promised to keep in contact.



    Another update to file:

    I just got back from Hoover and Turner's wedding. It was a mixture of European and First Nations ceremonies, and both will live on the reservation full time. Hoover wore a tuxedo and full turkey garb. Turner promised to wear a traditional European white wedding dress, but still had hooves and her headdress.

    In Hoover's personalized vows, he said Turner was "the most beautiful deer [he has] ever seen".

    Hoover still works as a stenographer in a town nearby the reservation. Turner works as a freelance bakery caterer. Apparently they spend their free time hiking, taking long walks through town, and learning guitar.

    Turner's former psychologist said that both should be put in asylums and refused to attend the wedding.

    I guess love is love is love. If they're happy, they're healthy to me.

    Case has been closed.