• disclaimer:I don't own the cthulhu mythos (or hastur mythos),I don't own the company that owns the day's Inn,and I defiantly don't own sleepytime tea.I'd also like to add that this is seriously weird crack fanfiction,be afraid,be very afraid.

    One night the elder gods decided to go to a bar (somewhere, I guess innsmouth.)They brought Hastur (check lil' Cthulhu on YouTube if you don't know what I'm talking about.) and Hastur got pretty drunk and started speaking utter nonsense and then "it" happened

    [Cthulhu]"You really should have stopped at 3 glasses. "He said looking at Hastur, who was slumping in his bar stool.
    [Hastur] he didn't reply because he was in a beer induced slumber but he mumbled something about fish zombies.
    [Cthulhu]Cthulhu slightly cocked his head and thought "I wonder what he looks like without his robe", he lifted up the bottom Hastur's robe and found out that Hastur had (actually) a rather feminine figure with curves and hips."?" Cthulhu couldn't help but look at it and blush, he decided to be Hastur's designated driver, only because then he could investigate Hastur's feminine figure some more.

    In the car Cthulhu decided to drive to a private area, then he started taking Hastur's robes off slowly (so that he wouldn't wake him up) and investigate Hastur's body

    [Cthulhu]"hmmm"he said observing hastur's body "he seems to be using these bandages on his head seem to hide something", he then took the bandages off the top of his soft head, to reveal long, raven black hair,he started to blush, he then said to himself "just one kiss wouldn't hurt", which he did and that's when Hastur woke up and said "whoa, you're a perv...",Cthulhu prepared for the worst and that's when something that never happened before happened.
    "...And I like that in you".
    Cthulhu never heard him say that to anyone, let alone him, he then thought "Ok, this is a dream, yeah a weird dream. I'll just pinch myself and..." his thoughts were interrupted Hastur glomping him and saying "This is reality, by the way, I'm not drunk or anything, other than I feel rather lonely." he started to lick our confused Cthulhu's chest (which turned Cthulhu on more than expected). Dagon called Cthulhu up on his cell phone (don't question me stressed ), which forced Cthulhu to go to a nearby port-a-potty hiding his blush from passersby
    [Cthulhu]"what the heck do you want, Dagon?" he asked, blushing horriblely, still feeling the sensation of Hastur's licking.
    [Dagon] he was calling from a gas station a few miles ahead "Um, yeah where the heck are you?"
    [Cthulhu]He started to stutter blushing even more about where he was, he then said "Um, I'm at Roadside Parking place".
    [Dagon]"wait, why did you stut-"he then got a devious look on his face"..."
    [Cthulhu]"what is it?"
    [Dagon]"you got a special girl with you, eh?"
    [Cthulhu]"um...;" he said looking over his shoulder, blushing,"yeah I guess so, give me your location, so I can go to where you are with her 'kay?"
    Later, Cthulhu had to dress Hastur as a girl in order to keep his word, after all he said 'her' not 'him'.Anyways, after finally getting everyone to meet up. They drove to a day's inn in Innsmouth (where apparently Dagon booked a room ,somehow) Cthulhu sat down with Dagon talk some important business
    [Dagon]"Hey,hows it going?"Dagon said holding up some 'after bar tea' (which is just sleepytime tea with a mint twig in it).
    [Cthulhu]"um,yeah,what would you say if I loved someone..."
    [Dagon]"good!" he said interrupting Cthulhu.
    [Cthulhu]"I'm not done yet" he said sternly "...who is a boy".
    [Dagon]he spat out some of his tea and laughed hardily "nice joke o' master of makin' people crazy".
    [Cthulhu]"I'm serious" he announced to Dagon "and if you don't believe me I will kill you in your dreams".
    [Dagon]"okay, okay!" he said frightened "so, how to answer that question…hmmm…well, with who?"
    "Hastur"
    Dagon seemed surprised at that reply and thinking "he would never fall in love with, a-a guy, not even Hastur." He then asked "why did you ask?"
    [Cthulhu]"oh, no reason" he said, "should I tell him what happened?"
    [Dagon]"oh then I would say 'what are you on'?"
    [Cthulhu]"thanks you're a real help" he said frustrated, he walked to the room Dagon booked (room 187)"grrr, when will I get a straight answer?" he decided to take a shower to calm his nerves. Then suddenly Hastur glomped him.
    "What the heck?"
    [Hastur]"you're curious about what this tingling sensation is, aren't you?"
    [Cthulhu] he blushed and thought "good, a straight answer"
    [Hastur]"it's a forbidden emotion...and its name is love, that emotion was stolen, I'm simply returning It." he said with his mouth close enough to Cthulhu for him to feel his hot breath "it's small now but it will grow into a passion, with a little help".
    [Cthulhu]"uhn" all could remember was that his rear started to hurt and he was crying and blushing, he would normally hate it but for some reason it felt good, his mind eventually went blank and he fainted. He woke up in the next day barely clothed and sleeping with Hastur.
    "What?"
    End of chapter 1.