• The scorching asphalt burns into my bare feet. I know its stupid to be doing this; walking barefoot down the street in the hottest part of the day. But I can't help it. My hands are shaking so bad and for once in my life I don't have anything for it. No cigarettes, no gum, no music...no anything. Nothing except for this burning strip of asphalt to take the edge off of my thoughts. Even the pain can't make it go away.
    I sigh, looking skyward, blinded by the summer sun. 'It isn't so bad,' I tell myself. I like this place. I like the heat and that I know my way around it almost by heart. I even like most of the people here.

    No...Its the memories I can't stand.

    I run my hands through my short, mousy curls as I allow the memories return for the first time in years.

    The good ones come first. Snapshots of my siblings and I playing in the yard with our dog, my sister and I jumping in the pool in the middle of December, cookouts, Thanksgivings, proms, and more. I smile at those. Those are the good ones, the ones to remember. I laugh at the foremost one in my mind. Its Graduation and my mom is crying and taking too many pictures. I'm laughing with my friends and hugging my family and suddenly I'm kissing my boyfriend goodbye, with a promise that he'll be at the party afterward. Then its my first day of college, the first club meeting, and the spark of new friendships. I never knew how much those things would change me.
    Storm clouds block the sun, but still the heat continues. It lingers on my skin and stabs the bottoms of my feet. Though I know I'll pay for it later in blisters and burns, I turn onto the next road, away from home.

    Home...

    That place I was so desperate to escape. I wanted out so badly, I would've done almost anything for the ability to leave. I tried. I tried so hard, but I was brought back every time. It was so much easier to just follow the rules. So I did. For a while anyway. It was easy most of the time. They never asked much of me. Just that I follow the rules and do my chores. And so I did...for the most part. I let loose a mirthless laugh. It had been so easy. Breaking the rules behind their back. Ha! And I was considered the good child. I guess its true what they say: Good girls are bad girls who don't get caught. They never even knew what they were dealing with. Stupid, stupid people. My stupid, stupid family. They were never as watchful as they should have been. Never as watchful as my friends.
    They were the ones who were there when things went wrong. When I was in trouble or causing trouble of my own. They were the ones who noticed the things I thought no one could see. They picked me up, dusted me off, and set me on my feet again. They forced me to see reality and slapped it in my face when I refused. They kept me in line and from doing stupid things like losing my temper.

    Or they used to.

    These days its rare for me not to scream or break something on a weekly basis. Its why I don't have friends or family anymore. Its why I'm alone and on my own. Its why I ignore the phone calls, the letters, emails, and messages. I'm angry all the time now. Angry, useless, and looking for a way out. A way back to the girl I was. A way back to the laughing blue eyes and mischievous grin that stare out from the photo album my grandmother keeps. But there isn't one. My sins, mistakes, words and anger have blocked off every path and my pride refuses to let me even consider apologizing. I won't apologize for something I don't remember, something that no one can even give me solid proof of, something that ripped my life apart.
    Its okay now. That was years ago and you can't change the past. Pen, paper, and camera are my friends now. Pain is my lover and anger...Anger is what dwells within me. Waiting for a single spark to ignite the gasoline and consume me mind, body, and soul. I lit a match as I thought this, smirking at the irony before tossing the flaming stick onto the pile of memories that stood before me. Pictures, notes, journals, and gifts went up in flames. The air reeked of melting film and a humorless smile curved my lips. There. It was done. There was nothing more to do. It was gone, over, never coming back.
    My eyes were dry and my heart was stone as I turned my back on the blaze and walked away.