- depressed like I am now? Why do I have to be okay when I wake up one day.. To going through 5 hours of school in the same day with staying the same way.. Just okay.? And then from one little thing... I have to be one of the most depressed people in the universe? Is it because everyone hates me? Because everyTHING hates me? Or is it just because I'm an idiot? Do I have to be so stupid? Do I have to be so hated? This is not by choice.. This is just not fair... Nothing here is fair anymore.. Why isn't anything fair anymore you ask? Because when you get to a certain point.. No matter how hard you try.. Life takes over. This is nobodys choice that nothing is fair.. It is life. Life is not fair.. As long as you are alive, you will always be going through something whether its a good thing or a bad thing. Everyone has something wrong with them.. Nobody is perfect. But why does it have to be like this? Why does life have to be so cruel with me, with her, with us... Why does she have to love him still.. Why does she have to do the stuff she does with him.. Why did she have to text him today.. These are all factors of the way life shows who's boss.. Life controls everything. The only one person/thing/spirit that life can not control.. But is controlled by instead.. Is God him self. God can control it but I don't know if he does. Nobody alive knows if God does try to control it or if he just let's it run free. They know what they hear but I hear no facts. Nobody knows for sure if God controls life or if he allows life to go freely. Why am I thinking about this stuff.. Honestly I don't know.. I don't know anything right now except for the fact that my life is ruined completely... I wish today would never happen.. But it did.. Nothing can change that.. Life won't change it. God won't change it. He can but he won't.. He might but I doubt it. There's no point in me even trying though. It won't happen.. Will there ever be a time that I can actually have a somewhat more fair life? If there's can't be any time... Then what point do I have for being here.?.?. This is why.
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