Although the group were on very important missions, there was always time to celebrate holidays. In this instance, it was Halloween...
"I'm going to SO knock everyone dead this year." Zapher Tivien's eyebrows wiggled up and down at the thought of his evil costume. No one else knew about it at the time and so he was enjoying a rare moment of 'being in the know', so to speak.
"Zapher, if you think I'm going to tag along with you dressed in nothing but a fig leaf again, you have another thing coming." Axel Alloy, the one person who actually spent the most time with Zapher, whirled her eyes around in disgust.
"Oh heck no, I promise it's not that. Even I admit that dressing up as a work of art was a pretty naff idea."
"It better not be for your sake..."
"I must admit, though... I did enjoy all the loving looks I got from the l-a-a-y-d-e-e-z!"
"Those weren't loving looks, Zaph."
Johan Kirovoski, the groups sword master, exchanged knowing glances with Naomi Manejest, the groups element sorceress. "Looks of utter shock and disgust, more like."
"I'm sorry, did I just hear a fly buzzing around my ears?" It was no secret that Zapher and Johan did not like each other. In fact, at times, it bordered on pure hatred.
"I expect it was your brain... STRAINING to work."
"Will you lot shut the hell up already!?" Arelliat Throuan, the group leader, a cold-hearted assassin, was busy trying to do some mission related tasks in the corner of the room. Naturally, her outcry stifled the fighting instantly.
After a long bout of silence, Axel decided to call up Migg to find out where the night's festivities would be taking place. Migg was a cat boy with a kind soul. Too bad Zapher had already started to corrupt him.
"Well, heeeyyy there lady!"
"Migg, stop that. It's creepy."
"Okie-dokie, hottie hot hottie!"
"I MEAN IT! It's one thing hearing it from Zapher, but from you!? It's too scary to comprehend..."
"Well, it is halloween. Hehe."
Axel whirled her eyes round yet again before moving on to the subject she intended to talk about in the first place. "OK, whatever floats your boat, Migg. Look... I wanted to call to find out where the party was going to be held."
"I was thinking we could hit a couple of the local inns first and then head to my families place. They are hosting a huge party this year and they said I could invite you guys if I wanted."
"Sounds good. What time?"
"It starts at 10, but I was thinking of heading to the inns first, so... Is 8 ok? I'll meet you outside the hotel."
"Mmm-hmm. So, which inn is first?"
"Head to the 'Hidden Point Inn' first. It's the one at the back of town with that big, black, spiky thingumie on it's roof."
"Oh, THAT place. Isn't the point supposed to disappear at night, or something?"
"Hence the name. Naturally. Hehehe."
Hearing a 'Zapher-esque' laugh come from Migg was simply ghastly, not to mention the sarcasm oozing from every word that came from his mouth. Axel had most certainly had enough. "Righty-o then. I'll, er... See you then, then. Byenara!"
Axel put the phone down and clenched her fists. Zapher, who was busy making faces at Johan, noticed Axel's sudden change of mood and tilted his head in puzzlement. "Yo, Axel! What's up?"
"Oh nothing... I'm just going to murder you as you sleep tonight."
"Is that all?"
"Yup! That's all!" Axel turned round and smiled innocently as if her threats were a very normal thing to be saying to him. The problem was, they were.
A while later, the gang had all donned their Halloween outfits and were walking outside of their hotel to meet in the street. Arelliat had, naturally, been dragged along for a laugh and she had made a half-assed attempt at dressing up. She was wearing a red dress that she had borrowed from Axel and had painted her natural, normally hidden, horns red and had flattened her hair spikes down to create a sly, devil woman look. Johan was dressed as a vampire and looked totally handsome. Naomi was dressed as a shepherd girl in a blue dress with a bonnet, crook and even a stuffed sheep for a handbag. Axel was dressed as what seemed to be a bunny girl, with long, white ears, cuffs and, of course, a collar with small bow tie. The only one not with them was Zapher.
"Where the heck is that idiot? He's holding us up!" Axel put her hands on her hips and blew a strand of her black hair out of her eyes.
"He's probably having trouble gluing that fig leaf to his 'Lil Zaph'." Johan had a habit of referring to Zapher's private parts as his 'Lil Zaph', all in the hopes of offending him greatly, of course.
Naomi was busy stifling a giggle, when suddenly something hideous leapt out the bushes and roared menacingly at her.
Naomi, being the type of woman that she was, fainted instantly.
"Ahahaa! I told you it'd be good." Zapher walked out from the shadows dressed in a mummy outfit.
"Er..." Axel raised a brow. "You're... Dressed in toilet paper."
"Hey, hey. Gimmie a break. The hospital wouldn't give me any bandages. In fact, they threw me out for even asking!"
Johan muttered a quick "Smart hospital" out the corner of his mouth before attempting to wake up the fainted Naomi.
Axel, upon seeing the faint glimmer of annoyance on Zapher's shrouded face, walked up to him with a smirk. "Oh no." Her face started to twitch.
"I think I'm going to..."
"That's it! I am!"
Everyone found Axel's joke highly amusing and laughed. Naomi, however, was only just coming round and so didn't get the joke.
"Oh, hey. You're awake." Johan tipped her head up to help her get to grips with her surroundings again.
"Yeah, I am. What happened?"
"Mr Kleenex here thought it'd be funny to jump out at you."
"I'm going to kill him one of these days..."
"We'll have to make it a tag team."
Suddenly, another figure lunged out the darkness and scared Naomi into fainting yet again.
"SOD IT!" Johan was not best pleased.
Axel, after virtually wetting herself with shock, began to laugh at the sight in front of her. "Migg? What on earth are you wearing!?"
"I'm a chimney sweep."
"What on earth is scary about a chimney sweep?"
"Well, what is so scary about a bunny girl?"
"He got you there, Axel babe!" Zapher leaned in and grinned wildly.
"Shush, snot rag, before I throw you over some houses."
"Anyway", exclaimed Migg with glee, "I'm lucky to be around."
"Uyup! You know what they say, don't you?"
Axel folded her arms and leaned against the tree beside her. "And what is that, praytell?"
"You get good luck if you kiss a chimney sweep!"
Suddenly, before Axel could even spit out a single corrective word, Migg had jumped forward and had pressed his kitty-lips firmly onto Axel's. Everyone, all but Naomi who was just coming round from her second scare, stared in utter shock. "Uhbuh?" Naomi whirled her head round to see Axel and Migg. "AIIEEE!" With that, she fainted for the third time. Johan sighed and shook his head. "I can see this is going to become a regular thing..."
"Hey, hey, hey... Come on now, old buddy, old pal. Lips off the lady." Zapher, obviously jealous, parted Migg from the utterly disgusted Axel and stood there frowning.
"Yes, Axel babe?"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"Ooh! Can I help?" Johan stood up, dropped Naomi to the floor and grabbed Zapher from behind in an arm lock.
"NO! N-no no! You cannot kill the manly man-ness of Zapher Tivien! The world will implode!"
"Alright, for that comment, I'm going to kill you slowly..."
"OK! Alright! I'm sorry for corrupting the cat boy! There... Happy? Please don't hurt me!"
Axel, who was just about to throw her first punch, smirked in an evil manner. "What's in it for me?"
"I'll... Er... Uhm... Sleep with you?"
"Wrong answer, bum wipe!"
"NO! NO! STOP! OK... I'll..."
"I'll leave you alone and stop flirting with you."
"At me, you mean."
"I'll leave you alone and stop flirting AT you. Yes."
"OK, Johan. Let the butt duster go."
"Aw, no fair. I wanted to cut off his lil Zapher for all the times he's tried it on with Naomi." Johan released his grip and sulked.
"In time, mon ami," grinned Axel, "In time..."
"Hey! I have feelings to you know", huffed Zapher rubbing at his throat.
"Yeah... In your pants."
Migg was finding the whole thing highly entertaining. But, alas, it was getting later and later. "OK, guys. Let's go! Hidden Point awaits."
Arelliat, still silent and despairing over the total idiocy that was Zapher, nodded, adjusted her dress awkwardly and followed Migg. Johan picked up Naomi, while Zapher avoided his death stares and just tailed Axel.
"OK, when we get there, I must warn you, the lights will be dim, because they like to tell scary stories at this time, so don't trip over, whatever you do."
Arelliat sighed and put a hand to her head. "Sounds like a bloody kids party..." She was not looking forward to it one bit.
On the way, Zapher was talking to Migg while somehow managing to stay far enough away from Axel to avoid getting the crap kicked out of him. "Naomi is so easy to scare."
"Hyick hyick, I know." Migg grinned and wiggled his brows.
"I think I might make it my mission to scare her all evening."
"What and see how many times you can make her faint?"
"Yes! Great idea, Miggy boy!"
"Be careful though. You don't want to incur the wrath of Johan again."
"Ye of little faith."
"OK guys. We're here!" Migg spun round and opened the door for everyone to enter. The place was virtually pitch black, the only light coming from jackolanterns placed on the tables and a small, red spotlight on a stage, where a feline man was telling the most scary story he could think of. Axel was finding it hard to walk in her shoes in the dark and nearly toppled over on various occasions. It wasn't just her though. Everone else was having problems walking in the dark too. Everyone, but Arelliat, that is, who found her way to a table no problem.
"AIIEEE! ZAPHER!" Axel had been grabbed and didn't like it one bit.
"YOU GRABBED ME!"
"It wasn't me, I swear!"
"Likely story... You just remember our agreement!"
"It WASN'T! HONEST!"
Totally unconvinced, Axel snorted and found her way to the seat next to Arelliat and watched the man on stage.
"Why does she automatically think it's me... Pfft. Charming."
Naomi, at this point, had woken up and was clinging to Johan and eyeing the toilet roll clad Zapher suspiciously. "If he comes near me again, I give you my permission to belt him."
"I'm gonna go get drinks." Zapher stood up and swaggered his way over to the bar. Shortly after, he swaggered his way back again with a tray of Halloween special shots.
"OK", laughed Axel, "Ready? Round the bend, here we go... One, two, three!"
Everyone up-ended their shots into their mouths one after the other.
"Hey, Migg. Aren't you underage, or somethin'," asked Zapher, the shot already going to his head due to an empty stomach.
"Er, uhm, er... No?"
"That's alright HIC then."
A while later (And a few more shots later), the man had just finished telling his story and was met with applause.
"Hmph," sneered Johan, "That wasn't very scary."
"Oh really!?" Zapher turned his head in a highly exaggerated manner due to his inebriated state, "So, Greenie thinks he can do better, huh?"
"Stop calling me Greenie!"
"Greenie, Greenie, Greenie!"
"For Pete's sake, Zapher," hollered Arelliat, "His hair is more blue than green!"
"Ahaaa! Areeeellliaat is colour blind! Bwahaha."
Johan whirled his eyes around and downed another shot. He didn't usually drink, but it seemed that the night could only get worse with HIM around.
Another person took to the stage to recall their scary tale. This time it was a female. She was dressed as a witch and was holding a broom with her tail.
"ZAPHER!" Axel frowned and tried to swipe at him, but missed and nearly toppled off her chair.
"Well, she is."
The woman began. "The scary story I have for you today is about a woman and a man who visited their aunt in an old folks home and..."
"It was a rainy day in winter and the place their aunt was staying in was haunted, but..."
"Boom-shaka-boom! Lets go to my room! Yeeeahhh, baby!"
"ZAPHER, IF YOU DON'T QUIT IT!"
"Oh, he's so totally gone." Naomi shook her head at how easy it was to get Zapher drunk.
The woman continued her story and everyone was listening. Everyone but Zapher, who was busy making obscene shapes out of the shot glasses by stacking them. After she had finished, everyone applauded and Zapher yawned.
"You were right, Johanny Johanny Johan."
"Better than Greenie, I suppose... And what was I right about?"
"Not scary at all."
"You try then!"
"OK, I will!" With that, Zapher stood up and wobbled his way over to the stage and grasped hold of the microphone as tight as he could so he didn't overbalance.
"OH brother," sighed Axel hiding her head in her arms on the table. She knew this was not going to be good.
"So, yeah. Like. Yeah. This one time, like... I looked in the mirror yeah? And, like, I had this pimple. And, like... It was sooo scary!"
The room fell silent.
"You know... If he'd have stopped at 'I looked in the mirror' I think he'd have convinced me," muttered Johan.
"You... You just..." Zapher wobbled around a little before pointing at everyone. "You just don't know what scary is, you don'ts..." With that said, he stumbled down from the stage and sat down in a huff.
It was then he remembered his evil plan to scare Naomi and set a fainting record. Oh, there was nothing like an evil plan to set the ego straight again. He stood up and walked over to Migg. "I'm, er. Just goin' to the toilet. If you know what I mean. Wink wink."
Migg looked at him in a puzzled manner. He thought he'd finally lost it until Zapher winked a few more times and flicked his head in Naomi's direction. "Ooooohhh! Ehehe. Great."
Thankfully, no one else had noticed his departure, so he was able to walk straight into the gender-shared toilet without anyone noticing. He looked around, but there was no where to hide. No where, but behind the cistern of the toilet. So, that was his hiding spot. Now all he had to do was wait for Naomi. Surely it wouldn't take that long, not with all the drinks she'd had.
Back in the main room another person was recalling their scary tale. It was about the time they stayed in a haunted house and woke up to the sounds of screaming, only to find people hung on the landing, who disappeared before their eyes. It wasn't scary at all. In fact, none of the stories that had been told were scary. So much for Halloween...
"Oh dear," sighed Naomi, "I think I need the toilet."
"So do I," laughed Axel.
"Oh, you go first then. I don't need it all THAT bad."
"No, you go."
"Honest, it's fine! You go!"
"No," smirked Johan, "I'M going!"
"YOU GIT!" Axel and Naomi stuck out their tongues and waited for his return.
Johan had walked into the toilet and had sat down to do his business. He couldn't see any toilet paper and there was an odd sound coming from the cistern. Little did he know it was actually Zapher, who had fallen asleep due to the boredom of waiting and also partly due to all the alcohol he had consumed. It was a good job he was asleep, as Johan had a bit of an off stomach, as he had eaten some bad fish earlier that day. "Oh, where the hell is the toilet paper!?" Suddenly, he spied some sticking out the back of the toilet. "Aha." He grabbed it and pulled on it, unraveling it as he did so. "Well, it may be in an odd place, but at least there is plenty to go around."
Back in the main room, another person was telling their story on the stage, but Naomi wasn't paying any attention. "What's taking him so long? I'm busting here!" Naomi was doing a little dance to keep herself from making a puddle on the floor.
"I've no idea. Anyway, I thought you said you weren't that bad?" Axel raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I am now!"
"Should I go see if he's ok?"
"Nah. I'm sure he'll be back soon. I just hope I can last!"
In the toilet, Johan was nearly finished. It was a good job too, as he had just run out of toilet paper. "Aw damn. Ah well." He flushed, eyed the cistern that was still making odd noises, washed his hands and walked out.
"AH! There he is" Axel pointed to Johan who was walking out the toilet.
Johan walked to the table and asked the jigging Naomi what was wrong.
"I'm bursting here and you took forever!"
"Oh, well. Be aware that there's no toilet paper left."
"WHAT!? Oh god..." She set about searching for tissues in her sheep handbag.
The stage cleared of the last person and Johan thought it'd be a good idea to go tell his scary story while Naomi was searching for tissues. He stood up to the microphone and cleared his throat, but before he could even start telling the story, there was a gigantic scream from the toilet. Naomi had just found the tissues and had walked to the door, only for it to fling open and a naked Zapher run right past her, screaming like a lunatic. Needless to say... she fainted.
Johan raised his eyebrows and turned his attention back to the, now totally shocked, crowd. "Now that right there? THAT is scary!"
- Title: Doonys - Halloween Horrors
- Artist: AxelAlloy
OK, so, I was naughty... I wrote something. Just don't tell the animation company I work for, or they'll go spare and be all; "OMFG, you can do stuff when you want to, but you can't do anything for us!" :P
I wrote this for a site's Halloween writing contest. (And to keep myself on form, so to speak.)
- Axel Alloy
- Date: 01/23/2010
- Tags: doonys halloween horrors
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