• Chapter 1: The Dream That Had to End


    The cold wind whipped my face as I strolled along the sidewalk. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. It seemed as if everyone was happy. Well it was Christmastime. Everyone was supposed to be cheerful. Off in the distance I heard carolers. I turned and walked the other way, even though it would take me almost ten minutes longer to get home now. Singing. More carolers? No. No. No!
    “Stop!” I screamed falling to my knees, tears streaming down my face. The Earth beneath me spun. Faster and faster.
    Footsteps. They were becoming louder. Someone was coming towards me. I jumped up immediately. I tried to run, but my legs were shaky, and my head throbbed. I fell, again. The sidewalk slammed hard up against my face and I could feel my blood trickle from the new sore. My eyelids were getting heavier. I wouldn’t be able to keep them open. I didn’t care. The hard ground was unusually comforting to me.
    Suddenly, I was turned over onto my back. I heard a gasp, but I couldn’t see who it was. My eyelids were too heavy.
    “Scar! What did you do to yourself?” Kale’s worried voice rang in my ears. I vaguely felt lift my head up to examine the scrape. He then put one arm behind my neck and the other under my knees. Lifting up my 79 pounds was not hard for him.
    He was moving now. I tried hard to open my eyes. I wanted to see him. His shaggy black hair. His muscular arms wrapped around me. I wanted to look deep into his green eyes and tell him I would be fine. I wanted to say something, anything, but my voice was gone.
    The last thing I heard before I blacked out was the sound of Kale’s heart, beating steadily. Boom. Boom. Boom. Then nothing. The emptiness that surrounded me now was peaceful. Soothing. Calming. I felt free. The weight of my tragic past was lifted off my shoulders. No more flashbacks. No more memories. No more anything. Death was easy, but I feared that this wasn’t my time to go. Not yet at least.
    The room I woke up in was dark. It wasn’t mine. I had never been in this room before, and I couldn’t remember anything that had happened today. Throwing the covers off my body, I hopped off the bed. Cool air greeted my warm body, and I wanted to jump back in the strange bed that I woke up in. My headache instantly came back, and I wanted to scream in pain.
    Holding my breath, I watched as the doorknob turn slowly. I would figure out whose room this was, but what if I didn’t want to know? It could be anybody's room. The doorknob was turned all the way down now and the door was opening with a creak. I stood, unable to move, frozen in my worst nightmare. Usually this is the part where I wake up, but somehow I knew this wasn’t a dream.
    The door swung open, and in tiptoed Kale. I breathed a sigh of relief and fell back onto his bed.
    “Oh, you’re awake,” He said, walking over to his bed and sitting down on the edge. “How long have you been up?”
    “A couple minutes,” my voice was hoarse, and it came out deeper than usual.
    “I’ll get you a glass of water,” he said, nervously running his fingers through his hair.
    “Can I come with?”
    “Of course, can you walk, or do you need me to, um, carry you again?” He was still nervous. Damn, he was cute even when he was nervous! Come to think of it, he was always cute. The way his hair barely hung in his face. The way his biceps bulged. The way his eyes changed colors in the light. Basically everything about him was cute.
    “I can walk, but thanks.” I shakily stood up from the bed, my dark brown hair brushing against my shoulders. I saw the floor coming closer and closer, but couldn’t stop myself from hitting it. I closed my eyes, bracing myself to feel the impact of Kale’s carpet against my face. I was sure I would feel the carpet any second now, but an arm encircled my waist and I was jerked up.
    “No, you can’t walk,” Kale said, as he scooped me up in his arms. One arm was under my knees and the other supporting my neck.
    The whole day came rushing back to me. The cold Florida air. The carolers. Falling. Bleeding. Kale. That’s how I ended up in his room.
    I locked my hands together behind his head. He started walking towards his door, but stopped halfway there.
    “I can’t do this anymore,” Kale blurted.
    “Do what?”
    He stared deep into my eyes, seemingly into my soul. I blinked and turned my head away. His gaze was too intense. He lightly grabbed my chin, and locked my eyes, once again, with his.
    “I can’t go on pretending that I don’t love you. Ever since we met, and our eyes first connected, I couldn’t keep away from you. Today, that was no coincidence. I always follow you home from school. It’s an impulse, really. I just like to make sure you’re always okay. I know what happened to your dad and your two sisters, and I know what it feels like to be shipped around to different foster homes. It sucks,” he confessed. Kale Matthews confessed he has hidden love for me. For me!
    I licked my lips in anticipation. He lowered his head toward mine. I’m sure he could hear my heartbeat. It was too loud. Beep. Beep. Beep. That’s not right. A heart shouldn’t sound like that.
    Everything around me disappeared. Kale. His room. His house. It was replaced by a cold nothingness. I was falling through the damp air. There was no ground in sight. Darkness. Dread. Despair. Horrible emotions swam through my body. Anger. Frustration. Where was I? What happened to Kale? His huge biceps? His soft looking lips? Where did everything go?
    Beep. Beep Beep. The annoying noise kept getting louder. Beep. Beep. Beep. The noise was unbearable now. My hands covered my ears, but the noise just kept getting louder.
    It was getting harder and harder to breathe. I gasped for air, but none was there. I continued to fall. Wind whipping around me. I closed my eyes. If this was finally death, I would happily take it. It couldn’t be any worse than my life.
    I opened my eyes, choking on the air. Beep. Beep. Beep. My alarm clock. Of course it was. Couldn’t it be real just one time? Couldn’t Kale stop dating Roxanne long enough to see he had undying love for me? I guess not. I hit the snooze button with my palm, and looked at the time. 5:15. High School sure was a b***h.
    Laying my head back down on my pillow, I thought of my bizarre dream. How real it seemed. How it knew everything about my life. The hate of carolers. The car crash with my family. Kale. All of it.
    Whatever. Why think about the past when the future’s coming fast?
    “Scarlet, dear, are you awake?” Julie, my stepmom, called from the hallway.
    “Yes Julie, I’m up,” I muttered just loud enough for her to hear. Her footsteps faded away. She was probably going into the kitchen to get started on my breakfast. I didn’t know why she even bothered. She knows I’ll just throw it up.
    It’s not bulimia, trust me. I just can’t hold any food down.
    My “disease” tore my real family apart. They couldn’t stand to be around me. Always fighting about what to do. Hospital? Drugs? Leave it alone? Which option would be better for me? I heard all the screaming and arguing from my permanent place on the floor of the bathroom, next to the toilet. It got better though. I can actually go to school, and interact with people without having to go running to the bathroom every second.
    I threw my girly pink comforter of the bed and onto the tile floor of my room. I looked around at the violet walls. They weren’t as bad as the sheets, but I still can’t believe that Julie thought I would be into this, even after she met me.
    I swung my legs over the side of my bed and stood up. I was greeted with a cool, morning breeze drifting in from my open window. I walked over and slammed the window closed.
    I stumbled over the comforter on the floor to my huge closet. I looked around for something that wasn’t pink, frilly, or just plain ugly. Damn, I was going to have to go shopping with Julie sometime. She obviously didn’t know me well enough to go by herself.
    In the very back, I found some dark blue skinny jeans that had hole in the knees. Those weren’t bad. Maybe she did know what I like after all. Behind the pants I found a black tank top. In my dream it might’ve been Christmastime, but in reality is was Spring.
    I took off my matching pajama set (Happy Bunny. WooHoo!) and threw on the jeans and top that I had picked out. It was my second day at Winter Springs High School, and I already knew from my first day that it sucked. Everybody there was either stuck up, materialistic, or just a plain old b***h. There was no diversity in that school. No emos. No goths. If there were those types of people in that school then they were excellent at hiding.
    “Come on Scarlet, come eat,” Julie yelled from the kitchen.
    I loved how she tried so hard. I had known her for only five days now, and she hadn’t given up yet. You just had to admire her for being persistent.
    Before I left my room I looked at the clock. 6:00. I was going to miss my bus. I didn’t think I had spent that much time picking out an outfit. Well, the closet was pretty huge. I opened the door and when my bare feet hit the hardwood floor of the hallway they made a loud noise.
    “Scarlet?” my stepdad, Jim, called from the living room. He’s 40 and he has the ears of a hawk. Perfect.
    “Yes Jim, it’s me.”
    “Are you going to have some breakfast?
    “No, I don’t feel like puking my guts out today, but thanks,” I didn’t care if by saying that I was being harsh, but they needed to learn that no matter what I eat, I’ll puke it up. I can’t help it. If I could eat, believe me, I would.
    I walked straight through the kitchen and, without looking at anyone, slammed through the front door, slipping on my flip-flops and grabbing my navy blue Jansport backpack off the floor before shutting the door behind me.
    I saw my bus pull up to the curb. I ran, trying to put on my backpack and flag down the bus at the same time. I slipped through the doors just before they closed and sat down in the seat closest to the front. I heard hushed voices, and stifled giggles. My second day was starting off great.
    We had six stops after mine, which means it was about a half an hour at least before we got to school. I unzipped my backpack and pulled out the iPod I had gotten from my last foster parents. I shoved the headphones in my ears and started listening to some Avenged Sevenfold.
    I was halfway through the song Almost Easy when someone sat down next to me. I looked over at a guy with shaggy blonde hair. It hung in his face, but it didn’t look bad on him. From experience I could tell he was emo, and from the fact that he had scars all over his arms.
    “Toby,” he said, holding out a pale hand.
    I grabbed the hand and shook it. “Scarlet.”
    “I heard Almost Easy blasting from your headphones and I figured you might be cool. I was right. No one uncool wears torn up jeans. All the preps wear their fancy skirts and frilly tops. You’re different. I like it.
    “Thanks.”
    “Can I listen too?” Toby motioned to my iPod.
    I nodded and he took one of the headphones out of my ear and put it in his own. I pressed play and, once again, Avenged Sevenfold was blasting. I turned away from the disgusted faces of my new peers. I didn’t care what they thought. I had a friend now. A cool one.
    Gerard Way sang the last words of I’m Not Okay and I turned off my iPod and shoved it down into the bottom of my backpack because we were almost at the school. The tires screeched on the asphalt as our bus came to a complete stop.
    Toby turned his head and looked at me with his bottomless grey eyes. “Find me at lunch, my friends need to meet you.” Without another word, Toby stood up and hopped off the bus.
    I stood up, but was pushed back into my seat my one of the “cool” girls. I’m pretty sure her name was Marie Rose. Total cheerleader name.
    “I didn’t say you could stand up,” Roxanne hissed at me. “Good job, Marie Rose, push the whore back in her seat. She doesn’t belong here anyway.”
    I couldn’t help it. I laughed. She thought she struck fear into the souls of every human on Earth, but she was about as scary as a puppy dog.
    “Did you say something, whore?” Roxanne asked. She honestly thought that calling me a whore would make me scared of her. Make me run for my life. Maybe yesterday she could push me around, but not today. Today I had made a friend. And with that friend had come a whole lot of confidence.
    “That’s what I thought. She doesn’t have the guts to say anything to you, Roxanne,” Marie Rose stood there hands on her hip, mimicking Roxanne as best she could. Damn, did I hate posers.
    I stood up. I was about the same height as both Roxanne and Marie. “You’re right Marie Rose,” I spat, “I don’t have the guts to say anything to your precious Roxanne.” I turned my whole body toward the door, so it would look like I was going to walk away. “But,” I said, “I don’t think I can leave without breaking her nose.”
    I turned my body back and swung, with as much force as I had, at Roxanne’s nose. The satisfying crunch of cartilage under my knuckles felt good.
    Screams from everyone still on the bus rang through my ears. Drip. Drip. Drip. I could hear each drop of blood as it hit the floor. Drip. Drip. Drip. Roxanne hit the floor with a thud. What a baby. Breaking your nose doesn’t hurt that bad. I didn’t say anything else to them. I just hopped off the bus, mimicking Toby.
    Marie Rose was shouting after me that I would regret this. Not even her words could hurt me now. I was at an all time high. All because of one friend.
    Who knew that you didn’t have to smoke dope to feel high. Next time, instead of injecting heroin into my blood stream, I’ll just make a new friend. How hard could it be?