• It was all a movie to me, but being played slow motion. Parents and friends banging at the door. I locked it, doubled locked it, used the stupid chain thing that I installed just a couple minute ago, and blocked it with my bed.
    I sat facing it. Bottle of scotch, gin, or what ever the hell it was. I reeked of alcohol and depression. I didn’t care though. I was sick of letting everyone down. I spilled punch on my girl-friend’s first prom, I didn’t get the Q-B position on my foot ball team as I promised my dad I would, I didn’t get the lead in the play, I haven’t gotten a A+ since the first day of school, I wrecked my first car the first day…I just suck. I agree with my mom, I don’t know why I should just try anymore.
    Another bang on the door, this time it was loud. My dad, ramming the door. He always told me he loved me, but I found him drunk at a bar once. I was sent to pick him up. Do you know what the say when someone’s drunk right? They either love, hate, or are truthful. My dad was truthful. He maybe he was right…maybe mother should have had an apportion.
    I loaded the bullet in the gun. I spun the chambers around and around, losing track of the bullet placement. I always wondered what it was like to play, I never though I would play by myself.
    I picked the gun up to my temple, thinking. One bullet, six chambers. I have a 5/6 chance of living.
    Click.
    Nothing. I read the letter my girlfriend sent me. “I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to cheat, I just…it was a moment of weakness. I swear it’ll never happen again….”
    Slut. Tell that to your three other boy friends. Or, how she calls them, ‘really close guy-friends’. Yeah, close alright…closer than most states allow. I looked up at the door. I could make out most of the voices at my dorm’s door. I think I could make out a teacher’s voice. Janet I think. She’s cool. Funny as hell too.
    Click.
    That’s two chambers, four to go. I thought on this whole killing myself thing. I do have a lot to live for, and I get that I’ll get over this feeling in time…but…I can’t handle anything more. It’s all killing me inside. All of a sudden, a huge crack was heard. It startled me.
    Click.
    It was a axe through the door. They were breaking in after me. Damn. I can’t even make sure I'll be alone where know one would get me, I fail at everything…fine. I’ll let God decide this. I’ll pull the trigger one more time. If he wanted me to live, then he would have planned this whole thing so the bullet would be in the last chamber. I pulled the trigger.
    Bang.