• Fate Is Not A Cruel Mistress Most Of The Time

    “Honestly every time those damn Russians get into any kind of fight you come home reeking of so much vodka that the cat gets woozy.” muttered Fate as she watched Death stumbled drunkenly to the couch. He flopped down onto the smooth leather upholstery and mumbled, “That’s because after a good fight they like to have a good drink and after a good drink comes a fun game of Russian roulette which means I still have some work to do. Partaking in some of the fun is the one perk of this job. So why shouldn’t I?”

    Fate let out a long suffering sigh and sat down in the chair opposite from her husband, “Because you come home and vomit everywhere and then the cat eats it and vomits everywhere too.” Death gave her a confused look then looked around the room for his cat Oscar, quickly finding him under one of the dining room chairs Death heaved him self up and grabbed the thin gray tabby before he could make his escape. “Bad,” he said as he thumped Oscar’s nose, “You let mama clean that up…thanks for caring though.”

    “And when the “fun” isn’t getting drunk it’s fooling around with women. Try to recall, if you can, the week you had herpes.” said Fate tersely. She was starting to get very agitated especially since Death didn’t seem to be paying her any attention. No instead he was talking baby talk to Oscar. “You’re such a pretty baby. Yes you are. You’d tell me if mama was doing something behind my back right? Yeah and I promise I won’t let her kick you out of the bed again.”

    “Death!” snapped Fate, “For the love of- would you please rejoin this realm.” Death sighed and set the cat down on the table, “Yes I remember but love I’m just having fun and maybe if you, instead of doing your job from home, went out into the world and ruined people’s lives could have some too.”

    “Hey I make them better too,” she huffed turning her back to him, “And you know why I don’t like to go out into the world anymore.” He crept up behind her and wrapped his arms around her tiny frame. “I know and I’m sorry.” Fate was silent for a moment then said, “For everything or for pissing me off?” And with out missing a beat he answered, “Everything…”

    “Good answer but I’d like to hear you say the real one please,” she said in a sickeningly sweet voice. Death hung his head, “For pissing you off dear.” “There that wasn’t so hard; now your going to sleep out here tonight because you smell and I think now is a good time to tell you my sister is coming over tomorrow. Pleasant dreams love.”

    “Wait I thought we agreed that Superstition was not to come over unless I was given at least a day’s notice so I have a chance to get the hell outta here?” “Oh we did,” said Fate widening her smile, “And I left you a note on your scythe. I guess while you where partaking in the fun it got lost.”

    And with that she turned and glided into their bedroom, locking the door behind her. Death let out a long sigh and plopped back down on the couch; Oscar who had been cleaning himself on the table previously came up to his master and began rubbing against him lovingly. “Aw at least I have you tonight Oscar.”

    Suddenly the bedroom door opened, “Oscar why don’t you come sleep with mama tonight?” As soon as the sentence left her mouth Oscar was at the door purring happily as she cuddled him to her chest, leaving Death completely alone for the night. “Whoever said Fate was a cruel mistress obviously met her at some point in there life.” Death muttered darkly to himself.