I remember the sunsets with him, rays of sunlight painting the waves as they pushed and pulled. Pushed and pulled as if they were breathing. Breathing as I was, breathing the warm, salty air, breathing the air that he breathed.
I have pictured this scene so many times, replaying that day over and over until even my dreams were filled with his image. It is easy to picture it now, and I feel as if I am there when I reminisce.
He was on my right, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. We were sharing this sunset, the visible heat that played across the waters in a sweet spectrum. The wind was blowing gently and sent small bits of hair across my cheeks and nose, tickling them.
He would often kiss my cheek or splash cool water on me when I wasn't expecting it, giving me chills. It was a pleasant thing, just sitting out in the sun like that. It was a sweet memory that often hovered on my mind waiting to be called upon once again.
And suddenly, this time it felt real, as if I was actually there once more, as if it was no longer a memory. He was really next to me. I could feel the weight of his arm on my shoulders, the heat of the sun and the coolness of the waves as they reflected the colors of the days end. His touch was real, careful, and loving.
"I don't remember getting here," I told him. It'd been a long time since he'd held me.
"I do," he responded quietly.
Then, slowly, as light as a butterfly and with the same strength, I remembered that I shouldn't be able to hold him like this, that I hadn't for years.
"You have hair now," I said cautiously.
"Yes, I do."
"You didn't before you died."
"I wasn't me before I died. There were too many medicines for me to be."
"I know," I said, trying not to recall the memories. "You look strong now, and healthy."
"Yes, I am."
"You seem happier, too."
"I am. I don't feel anymore pain," he paused and looked down into my eyes. "And I'm with you."
"I missed you so much. It killed me not to see you."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay any longer. I waited for you. I couldn't do any more."
"You waited a long time."
"I know. But it was worth it."
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