• I sooo hate my mom. She made me walk home from church on Sunday. It took me over 2 hours. It was like 90 degrees outside; she didn't let me have breakfast that morning and I had no water. The thing that sucks about walking home from church is that it's about 65% uphill, 15% and 20% flat. So I would have like almost no problem walking there (plus it's way cooler in the morning), but walking home is a b*tch! I do get it from her side though. AI didn't answer my phone when she came to pick me up and she couldn't find me so she left. That was totally my fault b/c I went down the street to the school and accidently fell asleep waiting for her (this guy came over like 1/2 hr later b/c I wasn't moving and he wanted to see is I was ok. Thank God he woke me up or I have no clue how long I would have been there). Yes that was my fault, I fell asleep b/c I was up too late texting and I was tired. My fault. I didn't answer my phone b/c I was asleep, my fault. She couldn't find me when she got to the church b/c I walked down the street to the elementary school my fault. She waited to 1/2 hr and I didn't show up, my fault. B/c I didn't show up I had to walk home, my fault (well mostly, she could have picked me up b/c she was just cleaning but she was mad at me, my fault). When I called her she told me to walk home in the gutter. What a lovely sentiment. Not "Are you ok? Where were you?" But no, "Walk home in the gutter!" Thanks mom, some real good parenting there.

    So never mind the fact that I almost got hit by a few cars, got heat sickness and dehydrated, and fell down a few times b/c of it (and I didn't see a curb once -.-), never mind having to walk in the gutter for a few MILES, never mind the half a dozen dead squirrels I had to see (most of them rotting), or the dead raccoon (road kill crying ), never mind getting home covered (literally) in sweat, blood, and tears and no one noticing I was even there, never mind the fact my mom went to the store just so she could tell me I was in trouble and she was taking away my stereo over a TEXT so she wouldn't have to speak to my face, never mind all she had to say is "well I'm mad at you too b/c you didn't get home in time to help me clean for your swim and study." I realized I really wasn't mad at all of that b/c it was my fault for not answering my phone. But the fact that she didn't care! She didn't care if I was ok or anything, but she was mad at me for not getting home in time to help clean and taking a shower before even asking her if she needed help (k covered in sweat and blood remember?!!). And that wasn't the part I was maddest about. I was about four blocks away from home (almost at Best Buy) and I saw a dead raven...

    It was just lying on the sidewalk. Like no one cared, like on one even noticed it had passed... Just lying there all alone. That was the last straw, I couldn't take it anymore. I literally ran past it tears streaming down my face. It was such a beautiful animal, the raven. It didn't even have a peaceful resting place. It was trapped in this concrete prison. That might be fine for you to live here, humans made it so we don't care. But the raven, it shouldn't have had to be here. It would have been out in a forest somewhere, where it belonged. But it couldn't be b/c we tore down its home, invaded it and massacred it. Pouring concrete where grass once was, tearing trees out from their roots to build sky scrapers (monuments to our own pigheaded pride), and flooding the pure air with toxins and pollution! So it there it lies, on the concrete, with no one, nothing caring about it. Its body tossed to the side. It kills me b/c I know that when someone sees it and moves the body, one of two things will happen: a screwed up teenager who thinks their rebelling against society, but is really just conforming into a huge group of "rebels" that are all the same, is gunna pick it up and w/o any respect to the body will mutilate it in some sort of fake ritual or just for fun to show how "bad" they are. Or two, someone will call animal control who will come, pick it was and wrap in plastic (another man-made invention intruding on what was once the beauty of the raven's home, not natural in the least bit) and throw it away. There's no way anyone would treat a human body like that, and if they did, we consider it a crime and through them in jail. But that raven deserves better than that. And I know what ever happens will be partially my fault b/c I didn't go back and burry it right. Pick it up in a cloth and burry it somewhere beautiful where his soul could have rested in peace. But now that poor thing will never get to. cry Instead it'll be tossed to the side like a peice of garbage, like it meant nothing.

    Well seeing that raven was too much for me. I went home and didn't stop crying for hours. Even in the shower I took right after I got home. Even after I went to my room and turned my music up to drown out the thoughts. I didn't stop crying until I fell asleep, my pillow soaked in tears. Then after the swim and study that night, my mom came and sat next to me. She said "we have to talk." She yelled at me for not being there fast enough and for not answering my phone. I got so mad b/c she didn't care about the pain I was in. She didn't know about what I saw and didn't want to. I started screaming at her. Telling her how I fell b/c it was too hot and I didn't have any water. Telling her how I almost got hit by a car and that I was lucky no one pulled over and tried to hurt me. She heard all of this, I knew every word that passed my lips reached her ears, but she didn't care. She told me it was my fault and I had no right to be mad at her. I lost it. I screamed at the top of my lungs and tried to tell her about the raven, but the tears came too quick. I couldn't show her my weakness, couldn't let her be happy she won, so I ran upstairs as fast as I could and locked myself in my room. I cried myself to sleep that night. And I will never forget how I saw that pour raven.

    No sight holds more sorrow than that of a raven passed...
    And today morns such a loss...