The Blast

• Artist: bodyache
• Description:
• Date: 06/30/2009
• Tags: blast

"UG!" Sara said. "I know, i hate Lily too." Steph said. "I just wont to smack her in the face!" Sara said.

"Class, you may know have recess." Mrs.Jaraline said. All of the kids went out to the playground. "Haha. You must have got an upgrade in clothes, a rag dress, to a towel dress! Haha!" Lily said to Steph. Sara sceamed, "DON`T YOU DARE SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT!"
Lily said, " What would you do about it. You still have a rag dress!" Sara got so angry While Lily was lauphing with her little gang. All of a sudden white sparks came out of Sara`s hands, She put her hands before her and Blasted Lily! "UG!"

Comments

[bodyache]

Yes!

[DoubIe Entendre]

There are too many "saids" in the story. Instead, try: "UG!" Sara grunted. "I know, I hate Lily too." Steph agreed. This will really improve your story by a lot, and give the reader a sense of "being" in the story. Use things other than said, and your story will be golden! Plus, I really do like it. This is the begining, right?