-Chapter One: All I Want Is You-
From the outside, my life seems pretty perfect. I'm in a super popular boy band, my grades are top of the class, and I have the most amazing best friend anyone could ask for. Sure, it's perfect, that's what everyone says.
But it's not. It's not even close to perfect. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my life, but there's just one thing missing from it.
Those four letters, one syllable, that feeling. I'd been on a few dates, but there was never any real connection with any of them. There was only one person who could make my heart stop and my breath catch. And that person was...
"Stan! Give me back my chicken nugget you little piss!" Cartman's loud voice broke my concentration. I looked up to see Cartman reaching over to try to grab a nugget from Stan's hand.
"Not on your life." Stan casually tossed it in his mouth, laughing happily. "What's the matter Kyle?" His voice startled me and I looked over at him.
Stan tilted his head to the side slightly and flashed a smile of perfect teeth, making my heart skip a beat, "you haven't eaten any of your food." He pointed to the pile of chicken nuggets on my tray that remained untouched. I shook my head and smiled back.
"I'm fine, just thinking." I tried to sound sincere, tried to control the wavering of my voice. Stan raised one eyebrow at me and nodded his head slowly.
"Uh huuuh..." I swallowed nervously, but when he looked away a second later, I let out a sigh of relief. If I looked at his blue for too long, I would probably get lost in them and never find my way back out.
"Hey Stan." That voice. I didn't even have to turn around to recognize who it came from.
"Hey Wendy, what's up?" Stan flashed that smile again. Wendy didn't deserve it. She had dumped him, so why did he still talk to her, and smile at her like that!?
"Nothing much. Hey Kyle." She smiled at me and I had to control myself so that I wouldn't do anything stupid.
"Hi." I said nothing else, just shoved a chicken nugget in my mouth.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later." Wendy walked away, sitting next to Bebe at another table.
"Whore." I muttered under my breath, picking up a fry.
"You say something?" Stan looked across the table at me. I shook my head.
Kenny spoke up for the first time in a few minutes, "so are we having practice at your house tonight Stan?"
"Yeah, my parents don't mind. They said we could practice there anytime we wanted to." Stan picked up his Powerade and took a big drink. I picked up my tray and stood up, walked over to a garbage can and dumped the contents into it, setting my tray on one of the racks.
"You're done already?" Stan asked when I came back for my bag.
"Not hungry." I slung my backpack over one shoulder and went out one of the doors into the schoolyard. The swings were empty, so I sat on one of them and began to swing slightly, using my feet to push back and forth.
"Kyle!" I looked up to see Stan walking towards me. I waved at him and smiled for a second. He grabbed the chains on the swing next to me and sat down, but didn't swing.
"What's up?" I could feel him staring, but I just looked forward and kept pushing my swing back and forth. I heard him sigh.
"You seem troubled." He began to swing a little, like I was doing.
"I'm fine." M swinging slowed as I braced my feet against the ground more.
My fingers tightened around the chains and I stopped swinging, "I'm fine, Stan!" My teeth ground together as I practically yelled at him. Stan looked taken-aback. I stood up and began stomping through the snow. I felt his hand grab my sleeve and I spun around to face him, "WHAT!?"
Stan's eyes were filled with hurt and he locked them with my green ones, "you...you've changed. You're not the same Kyle..."
"I told you, I'm fine!" On the last word I ripped my arm from his grasp and walked into the school.
My phone began to ring for the 7th time since I got home. Stan's smiling face flashed onto the screen and My People began to play, another annoying reminder that he was calling. I hit the end button before it could go on too long. About a minute later, the voice mail reminder sounded. I picked up the phone and called my voice mail.
"Kyle, it's me. Please call me, I want to talk to you. Or if you want, you can stay at my house tonight after practice...if you're coming. You are coming, right?" I could hear the sadness in his voice, and I knew I had done that. His always confident voice was now reduced to a minimum. He didn't know what was wrong, and I didn't want to tell him.
I arrived at his house around 6:30, half an hour before practice. As I started walking up the sidewalk to his house, Stan ran out the door to greet me.
"Kyle!" He stopped about a foot away from me, his smile wider than ever, "you came!"
I shoved my hands in my coat pockets and looked over down at the ground, "of course I came. The band can't get any better if we don't all practice together." I was surprised when he flung his arms around me and hugged me.
"Alright, let's go inside, it's cold." We walked up the sidewalk and kicked the snow off our shoes before going into his house.
"Oh, hi Kyle." Randy said to me when we walked though the door.
"Hey Mr. Marsh." I turned to Stan, "I'm gonna go put my bag in your room."
"Okay, I'll go see if my mom'll make us some hot chocolate." He walked towards the kitchen and I headed up the stairs to his room.
As I dropped my bag on his bed, I noticed a picture on his side table. I picked it up and smiled. It was a picture from our trip to Cedar Point two years ago. It was my first time on a roller coaster, and Stan had dragged me onto the Millennium Force. In the picture, my eyes were wide and my mouth was open in a scream, but next to me, Stan had his hands in the air in the "rock on" pose, his eyes shut, and his mouth in a wide smile.
"Whatcha doin'?" Stan was back, leaning against the door frame, holding two mugs. I set down the picture and took one of the mugs.
"Nothing." We sat on his bed and drank our cocoa in silence. I burnt my tongue on the first sip, not anticipating the heat.
"So..." Stan spoke up first, "why were you so mad earlier?"
I stared into my half-gone cocoa, "I dunno."
"Was it something I did?" I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were filled with the same hurt and sadness as before when we were on the swings. I hated seeing him like that.
"No, it's not your fault." I put my hand on his shoulder and forced a smile. I wasn't technically lying. It was Wendy I didn't like. Stan smiled back. We heard a car outside and Stan looked out his window.
"Kenny and Cartman are here." We finished our cocoa and went downstairs to meet them.
"Mom, we're going to the garage for practice!" Stan yelled and opened the door, "Hey guys, ready for practice?"
"Why the hell do you think we're here?" Cartman retorted.
"Well, let's go then." We walked into the garage. All of our practice stuff was inside: synthesizer, mics, a cd player, and a video camera. Stan opened the main door of the garage so that the sounds wouldn't echo. We each grabbed a mic and secured them to our belts, making sure that they worked. Kenny grabbed a clip board from the top of a speaker.
"Okay guys, we have a gig Friday night, so we need to make sure we have our songs and routines down." He tossed the clipboard back onto the speaker and came to stand by us.
"So Kenny, you scored lately?" Cartman asked nonchalantly.
Kenny shook his head, "no, I was gonna ask that Amelia chick if-"
"DUDE!" Cartman and I shouted at the same time.
"You mean the totally hot senior, the captain of the cheer squad?" Cartman wasn't shouting, but he was still talking rather loud.
"We're here for band practice, not to talk about who we're gonna do stuff with!" I shouted at them.
"You're just mad cuz you're still a virgin." Cartman sneered.
"You are too fat a**!" I could feel my face turning different shades of red.
"Hah!" Cartman pointed his finger at me, "that, my friend, is where you are wrong."
My eyes widened as I stared at him, "who the hell would willingly have sex with you?"
Cartman patted my shoulder, "it's okay little Jew boy, you'll get laid soon enough." I smacked his hand away and stood by Stan.
"Can we start practice already?"
Stan had started to say 'yes' when Cartman interrupted, "aww, is all the sex talk making you upset? Virgin." He put emphasis on the last word, saying it slowly. I glared at him.
"Whatever! I'm done, you guys practice, I'll be inside!" I stormed out of Stan's garage and back into the house.
"Good doing Cartman." Stan glared at him, and Cartman scoffed.
"He'll be fine." Stan narrowed his eyes.
"You're a d**k. Practice is over." He took off his mic and set it on the synthesizer before going inside.
"Looks like it's just you and me Kenny."
"Sure looks that way." They took off their mics and set them next to Stan's, "You wanna go to that club? I know a way to get in."
I was laying on Stan's bed playing with his Rubix Cube when he came in a few minutes later.
"Hey." He said it so quietly that I almost didn't hear him.
"Hey." I responded as I finished the blue side. Stan sat on the edge of the bed and stared at some pictures on the wall.
"Don't listen to Cartman, he's an idiot." He said with a sigh. I didn't respond immediately, and for a few seconds the only sound was the clacking from the Rubix Cube. "So hey, I wanted to talk to you about something."
I couldn't help but feeling interested. "What is it?" I continued solving the Rubix Cube as he talked.
"Well, uh..." He stopped for a second as if unsure whether or not to continue, "Wendy asked me out again, and I said yes."
It was not what I was expecting. I sat up so quickly that I lost my grip on the Cube and it flew across the room, "WHAT!?"
Stan looked at me surprised, "jeez dude, don't have a cow. All I said was that I'm going back out with Wendy."
"But she cheated on you!" I couldn't believe it. My mouth was hanging open and we had locked eyes.
"I know, but she's changed. She said it would never happen again." Besides, we really like each other."
"Stan, I hate to sound like a chick, but you know the phrase 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'? I just don't think it's a good idea."
Stan looked just as surprised as I was, even angry, "you're my best friend, I thought you would be happy for me!" He yelled back and I flinched. I looked down at my hands that I had clenched around the sheets in fists. I felt tears in my eyes and i raised my arm to wipe them away with my sleeve. I looked up at him and more tears began to form. The look on his face softened and his eyes widened.
"Oh my God Kyle, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you!" He pulled me into a hug, my face hitting his chest. My fists remained clenched around the sheets as he hugged me. I could smell his cologne as I sobbed into his chest. I had never been this angry or upset before, especially at Stan, and all I wanted was to stay like this, his arms around me, keeping me safe. Unfortunately, he pulled his arms back and looked at me, "you okay?" I nodded my head and wiped away the rest of my tears. Stan's shirt was soaked from my tears. He noticed and smiled.
"Don't worry about it, it's just salt water." He laughed, but I couldn't even smile. I knew I couldn't change his mind about Wendy.
"So are we good?" I nodded. Once again I was lying, but I was supposed to be happy for him. He smiled and patted my shoulder, "so can I ask you why you were so upset earlier or not in case we have another class 5 Hurricane Kyle on our hands?" I couldn't help from laugh at that.
"No, it's nothing, I was just in a bad mood." It was true, but it wasn't for no reason that I had been angry.
"Well, now that that's out of the way, you wanna play some Guitar Hero?" My mind flashed back to the time in 4th grade when we had gotten in a fight about Guitar Hero, when a man had offered us a lot of money to play professionally. I shuddered.
"Ugh, no dude." Stan laughed and I joined him.
"Alright we won't. Don't need any more fights between us. I mean, we've already broken up so many times." Sadly, what he said was true. We'd been in so many fights that had threatened our friendship. The one that stuck out the most in my mind was when we had the egg assignment in Mrs. Garrison's class, and Stan thought I liked Wendy. I hated thinking about all our fights, but because of them, our friendship had grown so much stronger.
`"Damn egg." I heard Stan mutter, and I burst out laughing. He joined me and we just sat there laughing.
I wiped away a tear from the corner of my eye and chuckled again, "So what now?"
Stan shrugged, "I dunno, Guitar Hero is out, Kenny and Cartman are gone, so no band practice..."
I thought for a moment, "wanna go get some food?"
"Sure, why not?" We got some money from Mr. Marsh and began our walk to the local burger joint, the Hungry Burger. It took us about ten minutes to get there and when we did, I did not like what I saw. Wendy and Bebe were sitting at one of the booths inside. Unfortunately, Stan saw this as well.
"Hey, Wendy and Bebe are here!" He had a smile on his face as we walked up to the door.
"Mhm." I sighed as we walked inside.
"Stan! Kyle!" I groaned. They had spotted us. Wendy flagged us over and I reluctantly followed to Stan to their booth.
"Hey Wendy, hey Bebe." Stan said as he slid into the booth next to Wendy, leaving me to sit by Bebe. I slowly sat down in the booth and leaned forward to rest my chin in my hand.
A waitress came around to take our orders, and when she left, Stan and Wendy continued their mindless conversation. I grabbed napkin and pulled a pen out of my pocket and began doodling on the napkin.
"So Kyle, how have you been?" Bebe's voice surprised me, and I turned my head to look over at her.
"Fine." I went back to doodling on the napkin. I saw Bebe look at Wendy and she just shrugged.
"Ask him." Wendy mouthed and pointed at me, but I didn't hear her.
"Uhm, Kyle?" I heard Bebe say, and I looked back at her.
"Yeah?" I noticed her hand was shaking as she set it in her lap. Wendy waved her hand at Bebe.
"Uh, I was wondering, if you maybe wanted to uh...if you wanted to go out with me?" I have to say I was surprised. I looked up at Stan and he grinned, nodding his head towards Bebe. I looked at Bebe again.
"Uh..." I could tell that my face had turned a very bright red, "yeah, sure." Oh no. What had I done? This was exactly what I didn't want!
Bebe smiled and let out a sigh of relief. I'm glad that she could just breathe it out and it was okay. I couldn't exactly do that. It wasn't as easy for me. Our waitress came back with our food, and as the others ate, I just stared at my burger.
"You okay Kyle?" I didn't look up when Wendy spoke to me.
"Oh, don't worry about it," Stan smiled, "he's probably just trying to get over the shock." I picked up a French fry and ate it.
"There, happy?" I picked up my burger and took a bite out of it. Bebe giggled as she nibbled a fry.
We left the Hungry Burger about 30 minutes later. I scowled as Stan kissed Wendy good-bye.
"Well, bye Kyle." Bebe said. I waved and began walking away without Stan. I heard him running up behind me to catch up.
"What's your hurry?" He threw his arm around my shoulder and grinned.
I looked over at him and glared. I shrugged out from underneath his arm," what the hell was that all about?"
His smile faded, "what do you mean?"
"Setting me up with Bebe! You guys cornered me!" I shouted.
Stan's mouth fell open, "you could have said no!"
"No, I couldn't have!" I was fuming now.
"Yes, you could have! If you really didn't want to, then why did you do it?!"
"Because..." I paused, and Stan looked at me, "because...of you."
Stan looked flabbergasted, "me?"
"Yeah, you kept nodding your head and telling me to go for it, and you've been saying I should date her for a while now." Stan was silent, "I did it because I trust you, and most of the time you only want what's best for me. And I want what's best for you." The tears had started again.
We walked in silence for a few minutes before Stan spoke up. "So are you still staying over?"
I sighed, "I guess so. Might as well." I reached up to wipe away my tears, but when I did, there was something weird. "Oh my God!"
"What?" Stan turned to me, surprised by my sudden outburst, "what's wrong?"
I started laughing, unable to control myself.
"What?" Stan looked slightly annoyed now as I just stood there laughing.
"I have...I have saltwater frozen to my face!" I fell into a snow bank, laughing. Stan's mouth hung open as he stared at me in disbelief.
"What the hell Kyle? I thought there was something really wrong with you!" He crossed his arms and looked at me sternly, but I just laid there in the snow laughing.
I got up about five minutes later when I had gotten all my laughs out. I was honestly surprised that Stan hadn't left. He looked really annoyed that I went from angry to giddy in only a matter of minutes.
"You better?" He asked as I brushed the snow off my pants and coat.
"Yeah, sorry, I don't know what came over me." We continued our walk back to Stan's house and got there a few minutes later.
"We're home!" Stan shouted as he walked through the door. I kicked the snow off my boots and stepped inside." We walked up the stairs to Stan's bedroom and he turned his stereo on. Our Fingerbang CD was in the player, and our first and most popular song began to play.
"Wow, how long have we been singing this song for?" I asked as I sat on the bed. Stan sat next to me and kicked off his shoes.
"Hmm, about 5 or 6 years now." He had to use his fingers in order to figure it out. I laughed and moved to one side of the bed to lie down. I stared at his ceiling, which was covered in tons of glow-in-the--dark stars. I remembered I had gotten them for him as a gift in 6th grade.
"These things still glow?" I laughed, amazed. Stan looked at his ceiling and laughed.
"Oh yeah, the get annoying sometimes." He laid down next to me and sighed, "so what're ya gonna do about Bebe?"
I shrugged, "I'll tell her tomorrow that I don't really wanna go out, but that I didn't want to reject her in front of her best friend. I know that would suck."
Stan smiled, "good idea." He yawned and pulled the blankets up from the foot of the bed. "Well, I'm really tired, and I'll bet you are too, so we should get some sleep."
I nodded in agreement, only now realizing how tired I really was, "good night."
"G'night Kyle." And we fell asleep, the CD playing the song written and sung by me: All I Want Is You.
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