You know...someone can love you so incredibly much, and you can try and try and try, but you may never love them back.
No matter how much you promised yourself, when you were at your loneliest, that you wouldn’t reject love, no matter what form it came in. No matter how much you scoffed at girls who rejected perfectly nice, devoted guys.
Because the truth it, you know, you never know what you’ll do until you have to do it. And that’s why we’re never really ready for anything. Or at least not the things that are really important.
Right now, a guy is in love with a girl. She doesn’t love him back. He understands, or acts like he does…inside he is so lonely it feels like he’s collapsing. She worries he thinks she doesn’t care at all, that she doesn’t notice the fading scars on his wrist or hear the whispers in the hall.
Last week, this boy tried to kill himself with a fork in an electrical socket. Last week, this girl tried to talk him out of doing it ever again.
He tries to reassure her, to tell her that she did the right thing, that as long as she is there for him, then he will be O.K. She worries that it won’t be O.K. She knows what it’s like to want to sleep forever.
And secretly, deep down inside, this girl wonders that if she keeps fixing everyone, will anyone ever notice that she needs fixing? This girl writes herself off as selfish and goes back to applying bandages and hoping everything heals.
That boy sometimes notices when she falls silent, sometimes notices the things she says that ring true to the sadness she might feel. But he thinks that if he tries to help her, she won’t help him anymore. And that’s all that lets him hold on, her grip on his hand as he hangs off the cliffs edge.
His heart breaks, so does hers. His breaks because he knows she’ll never be with him. Hers because her own inability is causing him pain.
This boy might be able to go on. He has an extra hand to help him hold on.
I’m not so sure about the girl anymore though. She’s slipping off of a cliff of her own…and with the added weight of everyone else, she’s starting to pay more attention to their descent than to her own…
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