• I want so badly to watch the stars with you tonight.
    They’re shining like the nightlight in your room.
    You always liked the stars.
    I wish I could find them as engaging as you did.
    How about tomorrow night we watch them together?
    I wish we could
    The Ice Cream Bar is melting in the plastic.
    I guess it doesn’t appreciate my warm lap.
    I would be eating it…
    But I’m saving it for you…
    I can just imagine how scared you were, did you cry?
    I would have.
    But then again, you were always so brave.
    What did it feel like when the car was spinning in circles?
    I probably would of screamed…
    When the paramedics lifted you onto the stretcher and the ambulance was speeding away to a world unknown…
    When there was all those Doctors…
    I cried for you…
    Those letters we wrote, remember?
    We each promised we’d open them when I was 15 and you were 17.
    We wrote them for each other, remember?
    Well, I opened your today. I cried when I read it because it sounded so much like you.
    And then I took the one I wrote and set it where you were.
    It will probably blow away.
    I look at your letter again.
    I wish you had read mine.
    It would have been a nice good bye…
    As it is…
    I can’t even say good bye now…
    I wonder if you thought about me before you closed your eyes to the world?
    I thought of you…
    So don’t worry…
    Mommy and Daddy are packing now.
    All your things, I mean, in cardboard boxes.
    They’re very silent.
    I didn’t want them to.
    I want you room to be the same, so I can go in there and play with you again.
    You would hold my hand…
    We’d spin and spin until we fell on the floor, laughing together, dizzy.
    And sometimes you’d give me a makeover, remember?
    So I watch them take your things away.
    Taking them someplace I will never find…
    Someplace I cannot go…
    I sit here in your room, on the chair that used to be.
    I look at myself in the mirror that’s now gone.
    And you put my hair in French braids, my favorite.
    I have my eyes closed now.
    The room is so empty.
    Id I think hard enough will it be filled with all you once more?
    I feel a sharp pain…
    It always did hurt when you would put my hair in French braids…
    I am going through each day in a dream, and all I see is your face.
    My dream is filled with you.
    I want this dream to be always filled with you.
    If it had been me, would your dreams be filled with me also, would you feel all the things I’m feeling right now?
    I want to see a picture…
    There used to be one here, on the hallway wall, but it’s gone now.
    There’s no picture of you on the fridge either.
    I wonder where they all went.
    Did they close their eyes with you also?
    So I take out my album, and look at nothing but you.
    I take out every picture that I see you in.
    And I look at them, again and again.
    Then I take the scissors from my drawer.
    All the strips of photo go into my garbage.
    I don’t need a picture to remember you, do I?
    I haven’t really cried yet…
    I want to cry, I do.
    But I’m afraid.
    If I cry too hard will you slip away?
    Because if I cry, let my heart out, it will hit me that you’re not here.
    I don’t want to lose you.
    I don’t want to forget you.
    I’m just so afraid…
    I sit on my bed, all alone.
    But I’m not alone.
    You’re there.
    Telling me that I really need to wear some makeup once and a while.
    And now I’m very cold.
    I go downstairs.
    You’re suddenly not there.
    And now I’m looking, looking.
    Searching for you.
    You’re not in the living room.
    You’re not in the kitchen.
    You’re not in your room…
    And then I stop, and stare at how empty everything is…
    I saw Daddy cry.
    He was just sitting there.
    And looking at a picture of you.
    He blinked.
    And then he cried.
    Daddy cried.
    He cried over you.
    I wanted to run and hug him.
    But I couldn’t…
    So I went into your room, and I sit there now, seeing everything as it once was…
    I close my eyes.
    I open them, and your room is nothing but a room.
    A room that’s empty.
    White walls.
    Brown carpet.
    And then I see the blue crayon smudge on the wall…
    Now I cry…
    I finally cry for you…
    Good Bye, I’m sorry.
    And you slowly slip away…