• Robert T. Alehandro
    It wasn't even supposed to be me on patrol that morning, and I think that is what hurts the most.
    Let's talk about Robert Alehandro.
    We were in the same company in 'Nam, I was nineteen, he was twenty-three.
    Robert lived on, became a drug smuggler, and eventually kidnapped the son of a very rich man in order to extort money from him.
    He didn't used to be like this, at one point in time he was a nice man, an honest man. The flash of a trip mine changed all that.
    Now Alehandro lives for the day, and has no regard for human life.
    I wasn't supposed to be on patrol.
    I shouldn't have stepped on that log.
    I shouldn't be on that unholy black wall.
    I should have seen Sophia again.
    I should have gone to college.
    I should have written a novel.
    I should have had children.
    I should have told my father that I forgave him years ago.
    I should have been at the Trade Towers, helping the rescue.
    I wasn't supposed to lose that much blood.
    I wasn't supposed to see what my liver looks like.
    I wasn't supposed to be on that damn wall.
    I wasn't supposed to be on patrol!

    I wasn't, but Robert T. Alehandro was sick, and I am a good Marine.




    Survivor's Guilt
    Oh s**t I think Richies' dead.
    Oh s**t oh s**t oh s**t ohshitohshitohshi-
    Oh God what do I do?
    Oh God.
    ********.
    ********.
    ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********.
    I wasn't ready for this.
    I WASN'T ******** READY.
    Oh God Richie what do I do?
    Richie, please I need to hear your voice.
    ******** ******** ******** ********
    -Oh God you're breathing how can you breathe with no face-
    Come on man, it's you and me against the world.
    What am I going to tell your mom, Richie?
    I told her we'd be safe.
    I told her it wasn't going to still be an issue when we left boot-camp.
    Oh God Richie; you know your mom scares me.

    Why did you have to open that door before we cleared the house?
    Richie.



    The Good Soldier
    They told us that we weren't going over for long;
    the incredible lie in action. I've spent
    four years in that desert
    and away from Sophia.
    Stop loss.
    My grandfather was in 'Nam, and he used to tell
    stories of Charlie, the enemy.
    We don't have a name for them over here.
    "Get moving Marines, we don't got all day to die"
    and we'd wake up to that. My
    Sergeant was a lunatic, I saw him gun down
    an innocent child with a water pistol.
    "Will we get a wall?" Jose asked me once, two minutes before
    Incoming Fire.
    Sometimes at night when the air is cool
    I hear his voice in my head; I never
    got to answer him.
    Sophia left me a year ago, told me
    "I can't do this anymore"
    and married a Jody.
    The Tempo of War has become a
    two-bit shuffle, and we're all weary
    of dancing.



    The Schedule
    Wake up.
    Eat.
    Jog three miles.
    Go to work.
    Stand behind register for nine hours.
    Eat.
    Go back to work.
    Stand behind a register for four hours.
    Tell coworkers, "Going to gym".
    Go to support group.
    Cry.
    Confront problem.
    Go home.
    Stand in front of mirror.
    Tell myself "I'm lucky the shrapnel only took the arm".
    Shower.
    Go over support group's clauses.
    "Be happy you didn't die."
    Dry off.

    Maybe she'll be sexually attracted to me tonight.



    Misjudgment
    Please forgive me,
    so young the child was,
    cut down by these hands.
    "Even the little ones got grenades, men"
    and with that
    we were sent off to war.
    His eyes glazed as the metal
    bit into his chest;
    his friends scream and
    the rough leather hit the dirt.
    I still can't watch baseball
    without dry-heaving.



    The Devil
    They told us that the Americans were the Devil.
    When did the devil start handing children on the street food?
    When did the Devil decide that protecting the innocent was in his best interest?
    Would the Devil have come into my home when it burned and rescued my family and I?
    The Devil smiled at me as I hid under my bed, he smiled as he pulled me from the smoke and into the chilly night.

    I cried when my father killed the Devil.
    Why do the Devil's own not cry?