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<br />
She had a stained glass window for a heart - <br />
a shoebox for a chest cavity, and a kaleidoscope for a soul <br />
that would reflect its light back at me. <br />
Depending on the day, she shone different colors. <br />
She had a handful of favorites that she kept locked inside her cupboards.<br />
She's got drawers in her stomach, <br />
yeah she knows how to swallow her pride, <br />
but it get compartmentalized in the crawlspaces, <br />
and builds up inside.<br />
She says she's fine, but she lies, <br />
so she keeps sunglasses on to try to hide her eyes.<br />
And at night, she stays out of the shadows -<br />
it's one of the only times that her true color shines. <br />
<br />
She says, “You're talking about me like you know what I mean,<br />
but you know nothing about leading that kind of life.<br />
<br />
“Baby doll, my heart is as black as my lungs are.<br />
<br />
I keep bitterness in these cabinets next to all my bad habits - <br />
you either find faith, or lose it - you either had it or have it - <br />
Well I have had it!<br />
So I wear my smile on the good days that I keep in these baskets,<br />
wear my grimace facing life without the opiate for the masses.<br />
You pop your god like these pills that I take<br />
to bear the circumstances - <br />
What's the difference? I called out to your god, <br />
but he never listened.<br />
You call it praying, well I'm just wishing <br />
that things could've been different.”<br />
<br />
She says her daddy didn't want her,<br />
so she squanders to be the mother/father figure for her daughter.<br />
A piece of clay recreating herself as a beautiful basin <br />
from the situation that she was placed in -<br />
build for retaining life - <br />
a feat manufactured without the proper water or the potter…<br />
And her heart… it cuts like a knife! <br />
It's priceless and it's as hard as a diamond,<br />
but she's been selling it for nickels and everybody's been buying. <br />
So now there's cracks in the basin, <br />
the way there's cracks in the basement - <br />
the one that daughter's daddy beat her in when she'd dare to face him…<br />
the way there's cracks in the cement that she can dig her high heels in<br />
while she waits for another customer to pour his water in. <br />
<br />
She says her momma was a little bit crazy, a little lazy, <br />
a little biased towards the media mainstream.<br />
Prone to fainting or naming it fainting when she'd pass out after blazing<br />
just after papa came home late for the hazing. <br />
The alcohol made him crazy!<br />
That's when I started praying, praying, praying, <br />
but nothing's changing, changing, changing, so that's when I started blaming, blaming, blaming, <br />
we're all on our own, the stars are empty, there's no hand out there to <br />
save me, save me,<br />
<br />
Save me.<br />
<br />
She loved Vogue, and American teen magazines, <br />
almost as much as she loved vomiting<br />
to try to match the model women that she'd she on the movie screens. <br />
Says, “I believe that she loved me,<br />
and maybe it's a fantasy, <br />
but I believe that she cared for me the way she cared for her methamphetamines.”<br />
<br />
Don't tell me I need saving! You point those fingers so righteously, <br />
all these people pushing for me to practice their piety… <br />
well, I gave your god a chance to save me, <br />
so thank you kindly, greatly, but it's just me and my baby, <br />
me and my little girl - us against the world, well… <br />
<br />
Sweet dreams, daughter! <br />
I'm gonna be your mother! <br />
I'm gonna be your father!<br />
So every time another man just like her father bought her, <br />
she spent the nickels on diamonds for her daughter.<br />
<br />
She had prisms for eyes - and one time she took off her mask, <br />
and let me inside. <br />
I paid her for her time, told her that she was valuable and she replied, <br />
“Only as valuable as the next man in line.”<br />
<br />
Well I came to tell you that you're beautiful. I think you're lovely. <br />
I think that you're made for more than you've settled for.<br />
She said, “All of them tell me they love me.<br />
<br />
I used to dream, I used to have big plans, <br />
I used to believe that there was something out there <br />
that was bigger than me, and that he would take care of me, <br />
and that I could grow up to be whatever I wanted to be, <br />
but I guess it's too late for me, <br />
so I started selling my dignity to give my daughter that dream, <br />
and to make it a reality…<br />
<br />
I used to dream! I never meant to quit! <br />
So who's to blame for this bullsh-<br />
<br />
Shh, shh, girl, I will not even mention… it. <br />
The hands that we're dealt - I don't understand.<br />
And I don't have all the answers, and I don't know all the plans.<br />
I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful, I think you're lovely, <br />
I think I know love that loves the unloving. <br />
<br />
“Yeah! You told me your god was gorgeous, <br />
but I just can't see it! I want so badly to see color! <br />
I want so badly to believe it!”<br />
<br />
I keep an ounce of hope inside one dresser drawer in my chest!<br />
Every now and then, it grows, if watered, to a seedling, at best<br />
One time, it grew and stretched through the cracks into the next, <br />
but I just can't make it blossom, cause I just can't make myself forget… <br />
and now there's nearly nothing left… <br />
<br />
She's got a kaleidoscope soul, but she's got grayscale lenses,<br />
she's got rod-iron bars to keep up her defenses. <br />
She's got all of her emotions hung up on hooks in her closets, <br />
she's got little hints of happiness tucked away in her lockets. <br />
She's got high hopes of heaven stapled to the doors of her cabinets, <br />
she wraps the hopes up in packets of personal baggage to mask it.<br />
<br />
She's got angels singing to her <br />
from the lips of ballerinas in a music box that <br />
she keeps locked behind a door that's cemented to a heart of rocks, <br />
<br />
but if you knock long enough, they say that door could be opened.<br />
Here's to hoping… until then, I wanted you to know<br />
that you're beautiful. I think you're lovely, <br />
I think I know love that loves the unloving. <br />
<br />
I think you're still loved, I still think it's true.<br />
I swear that there's more hope out there for you. <br />