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  • Artist Info: It's a me Lexi! i am blonde to the last degree. i like being pickied up and spun around while someone is poking my face!<br />
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    I am a writer by nature, a writers of wrongs, mistress to the macabre and so on and so forth. The works that I'm working on right at the moment are Murder at the Rendezvous. <br />
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    I am also a reader, I read far too much to tell you some of my favorite books but I shall unleash some of my favorite writers, Agatha Christe, Marianne Curley, James Patterson and William Shakespeare. <br />
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    I have searched all over the web for funny quotes and labels and this is what I've found. <br />
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    There will always be three we's<br />
    1) we three <br />
    2) we the people <br />
    And my favorite weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!<br />
    -Cosmo <br />
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    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. <br />
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    -On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). <br />
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    -On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? <br />
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    -On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....) <br />
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    -On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). <br />
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    -On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! <br />
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    -On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????....) <br />
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    -On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? <br />
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    -On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) <br />
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    -On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..." (and...I'm taking this because???....) <br />
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    -On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? <br />
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    -On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) <br />
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    -On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) <br />
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    -On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) <br />
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    -On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) <br />
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    -On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) <br />
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    When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.<br />
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    What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?<br />
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    I could've eaten Alphabit soup and crapped out a better essay!!<br />
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    I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush<br />
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    "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush<br />
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    "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."<br />
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    Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.<br />
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