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Quotes, Updated 08/25/2009

"What are you guys talking about?"
"Narnia. Narnia Business!" (Oh-hohohohoho.... *gets shot in the head* It was two in the morning, okay!?)

"Hello students, I am Mr. Rosenburg and I am wearing pants. Now before you write me off as insane, let me tell you this... you'd think I was a lot crazier if I wasn't wearing pants. What I'm trying to say is... this course is a lot like pants." (Yay crazy professors)

“It’s not bad; they only show their heads and shoulders…”
“…knees and toes, knees and toes!”
“No, seriously guys, what are they doing?”
“They’re digging a hole!”
“Yeah, don’t you see the sand flying everywhere?”

“I know why this summer went to crap… Kegan left us and he took all our hopes and dreams with him.”

"I know what I could do for me and my bike's one year anniversary!"
"... You're actually going to do something?"
"Yep! I'm going to wash it, you know... give it a bath!" *pause* "Hey, you could do that with (name removed) for your one year anniversary!"
"..." *blushes/laughs hard* (Seriously, how else was I supposed to take that? My roommate and I started laughing for a few minutes after that one.)

“Its 14 gauge steel, that thing could stop an axe.”
“Yes, but could an axe stop Ken Graves?”
“Touché.” (FYI: Ken graves is like the Chuck Norris of the camp I'm working at. He killed a boar with his bare hands --no joke-- and proposed to his wife the night after meeting her.)

“I'm liking the moleststache...”

"I need a hug."
"Well I need a platypus!" (I have such sympathetic friends, don't I?)

“Can you walk?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re acting pretty lame.”
“. . .” (Yep, I’m sure she felt that burn, KC.)

“Dude, I said think DIRTY, not *****!” (From the best game of Apples to Apples played since the dawn of time)

“Just watch guys, Tamara’s going to be the one to suddenly stumble into the other six dimensions.”
“Yep, and with her luck, she would get stranded there with some weirdo.”
“… The sad thing is, that would happen to Tamara.” (Seriously, everyone expects the most outlandish things to happen to me.)

“Of all the mimes in all the world, you would be the one to get hit by a plane.”
“It wasn’t the plane, dang it, it was the bomb!”

“Dude… just think about it for a second. Vampire. Bear. Calvary. In the middle of the woods. At night.”
“So what? I’ll just get some holy water.”
“The holy water expired.”
“… Oh god.” (Seriously guys. Think about it.)

“Oh my god, Tamara! What happened?”
“I think I fought the lake monster in my sleep…”
“…The sad thing is, I have no problems accepting that as fact.” (Once again… no one is surprised to find me doing weird stuff.)

“So how’s your knee?”
“I think someone replaced it with a Rubik’s cube.”
“…”
“What?”
“I’ve just never heard someone use that comparison before…”

*to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”* “On the first night of Lust-Bust, there was a sight to seeeee….”
“I don’t like where this song is going.”
“A USED CONDOM…”
“STOP IT!” (Oh lust-busting. Is there any greater pastime? NO!)

“No, no, no, NO! Take your stupid banana-phone back; I’m sick of getting angry phone calls from Cthulhu! I tell him time and time again that I kind of LIKE my sanity, but he keeps demanding that I sacrifice it! Well, NOT TODAY, OCTOPUS MAN!” (My friend tried to pawn her banana off on me and I threw it back, yelling this. All the little campers around us just looked at me in confusion. It’s just another job perk to screw with them.)

"Thank you, boss."
"You're welcome, subordinate." (this was probably funnier in person, but I'm working at a camp and we all finished our work for the day and someone asked if we could leave and one of the junior supervisors told us we could and his supervisor replied with the first line in a sarcastic voice and the other guy gave a big smile and returned with the second line.)

“…and this girl probably thinks that I’m totally trying to touch her butt right now.
“And THAT is a five cent fine!” (The whole "five cent fine" thing is an inside joke in itself. Long story, maybe I'll tell you it sometime.)

“Yeah, I see what you meant by this sanitizer being really weird. It leaves your hands feeling all sticky and gross, unlike the stuff we have in the truck. It also has a really weird scent to it, not as strong as the stuff we have back at shop, but it’s still pretty bad and… oh my god, I’m comparing hand sanitizers.” (Seriously, work as a janitor at a summer camp for two years does something to you…)

“Let’s make like a generous hippie and split this joint.”

“Great. Now I will never think of Girl Scouts without having extremely dirty
connotations connected to that word.”

“I think I saw two birds mating.”
“It must be their third summer.” (Camp inside joke, yay)

"Oooh! Loon lake! Let's go there! I hear it's beautiful."
"Well I heard it's crazy."
". . ."
(My sister litterally gave me the: "Wtf, you are such a dork" face when I said this.)

“Blurred hindsight always seems to make everything you do so much more badass.” (Quote from my autobiography I had to write for school)

"You know what? Forget this. I want you to bludgeon me in the head with JFK so that I can just end it all. If everything goes according to plan, I won’t remember who any of you are when I wake up in the hospital." (Seriously, I was begging someone to just hit me in the head with a bust one of the teachers has of JFK. It was just one of those days...)

*Zelda Treasure Chest Theme Goes Off*
“What item did you aquire?”
“A text-message.”
“Very nice, very nice.” (My professor heard my text-message tone go off. Embarassing at first, but ended up being hilarious.)

“That better be Cthulhu calling…”
“Don’t you mean Jesus?
“Hmm, maybe. Or it could be destiny.”
“How long is this joke going to take?”
“Until you get a ‘missed call’ notice and we can continue where we left off.” (Lots of phone related quotes lately.)

*Points to large cup of coffee* “See this? This is where my plot twists come from.”

“Could you just massage my head while you’re at it?”
“That’s what he said.” (I don't make very many "That's what she said" comments... but I made a lot this past week.)

“I put my tongue in the hole.”
*Tries desperately not to say it…*
“What? I didn’t want it to squirt all over me.”
“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! Gah! Look what you made me do!” (Seriously, it was like they were purposely throwing my mind in the gutter that night.)

“Do you ever think that it’s a little weird that just a few hundred years ago, our ancestors fought?”
“Well… it was kind of funny when we watched the Patriot together last night.” (My friend talking to a guy from England and his roommate)

“Time doesn’t change hilarity.”

“Look! It’s Merlin and his best friend Half-Baked!” (We were playing a game where we gave fake names to strangers... Half-Baked was a guy who had exactly half of his face sunburned. Merlin was just Merlin.)

“This is the strangest version of Slit-throat Mafia that I’ve ever played. Doughboy? Croissant? Baked? I’m sorry… but when I hear someone announce ‘Hey, I just found someone baked in the boy’s bathroom.’ I don’t think about baked goods or murder.”

“That’s not a cupcake!” (While helping hand out cupcakes, some impatient person went for a cupcake and instead grabbed my breast. Awkward.)
"Crap! I forgot a dollar! ... Wait! I have my Oh-crap-I-forgot-a-dollar dollar in my glove compartment! Sweet!"

"I didn't call you to discuss accidental innuendos... okay, maybe we have time for a few.”

"Patty! They're going to burn me at the stake!"
"I'll bring a bucket of water."
"But what if it's an oil fire?!"
"Then... I'll bring some baking powder?"
*Five seconds later*
"Patty! They're going to stone me!"
"Can't help you there."
(This was me desperately trying to get the school secretary to save me from people who were plotting against me. They wanted me to be the witch in a mock witch trial. I <3 Patty. :3)

“Now I’m totally buying your s**t… his? Not so much.” (My professor agreeing with my point, points for Tamara! I felt kind of bad for the other guy though.)

“You know it’s time to move on when your parents start throwing rotten fruit at you.”

“Now the real question we must be pondering here is: Can we teach an old traveling sales man new insect tricks?” (Reference to “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka”)

“Where’s our president?”
“He’s still in the closet; I don’t think he’ll be coming out anytime soon.” (The start of a long, innuendo filled conversation during a game.)

“Raiders of the Lost Arc! … Wow, I just noticed my typo. I meant “Lost Ark”, not “Arc”, that’s an entire different Indiana Jones Adventure right there.”
“I kind of want to see how that adventure would turn out.”
“It would be frightening beyond measure (behold, a pun!) I mean, seriously… Math Nazis?!” (A typed conversation between my sister and I)

“Did you know that sex hormones help you in maintaining your bone density?”
“God did say that sex was good…”
“Dude, God said sex was great.” (Rehearsals at two in the morning are always fun!)

"Come on, we'll be able to get this over and done with in like... five minutes."
"That's what she said." (My co-worker at a summer camp I worked at… he’s special)

"You squirt me with that stuff one more time and swear I'll..."
"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" (Same guy as the above quote.)

"Did playdoh just get rule 34'd? At a CHRISTIAN CAMP?!"

“Would you rather suffer scarlet fever for a week… or have disco fever for a month?”
“I guess it would depend whether I would survive the scarlet fever.”
“Oh no, my friend, the real question is: Would you survive the disco fever?”

"Well guess what? My dad has one hundred guns and he will shoot you."
"Well my dad's a brain surgeon."
"Oh yeah? Well my dad gave birth to a brain surgeon... wait. Oh God."

"Guess what happened!"
"You got a boyfriend!"
"Even BETTER!"
"You got LAID!?"
". . . this is why I never tell you anything."

"What are you, AIDS? Help! Help! We've got a mass genocide of the white blood cells here!" (at school during a science illustration where we were either red blood cells, white blood cells, or a virus. The teacher heard the instructions wrong and started killing EVERYONE who was a white blood cell. Without really thinking, I yelled this out. Teacher laughed, so it was all good)

"And so they would build a wall, and then another wall outside of that wall, and then they would build ANOTHER wall..."
"They really liked protection, didn't they?"
"No, they just really... really liked walls."

"So what could a variable be in our experiment other than seperating the smokers from the nonsmokers?"
"Half of us shouldn't breathe!"
(in my notebook) "Dear diary... someone died in the lab today."

"What if I told you I was dating you for the experience points?"

"Why!? Why would you punch me in the kidney, you sadist!?"


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In the Mind of Tamara

Random Rants, Ridiculous Ideas, Serious Ponderings... you'll get that and everything in between in my journal. Be prepared, it's been said that looking into my thoughts is a lot like staring into sunlight for too long...


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Comments

Viewing 10 of 20 comments.

Bara_Himi-Sama

11/25/2009 11:57 pm

Bara_Himi-Sama

Thank you for shopping
Trespassers W

11/25/2009 9:49 am

Trespassers W

Yay, you called me Quetzalcoatl in a word game! I'm pleased, as that was kinda what I had in mind with this avi. I was going to post a little poem for your avi in the god/goddess game but got swooped. Shoulda posted it here. Now I forget it. Waaah.
[Chip]

11/17/2009 6:26 pm

[Chip]

OooOo! Very, very nice avi!
KnightsoftheSilver

11/15/2009 6:58 pm

KnightsoftheSilver

OK then ^__^
non-objective destiny

11/15/2009 6:45 pm

non-objective destiny

impressive profile and avi.
[WG]
Lady Anarchy

11/15/2009 6:16 pm

Lady Anarchy

Maaan
You have a very pretty profile!
and your avatar has broown

[WGcomment]
Rem10124

11/15/2009 4:06 pm

Rem10124

Hello. Nice profile and avi.
elethien

10/30/2009 11:58 am

elethien

TAMARA.

YOU SHOULD COME VISIT ME SOMETIME.

biggrin


AT MY HOUSE
Loonamoon

10/21/2009 11:15 pm

Loonamoon

hi how are you? nice profile^.^
[Chip]

10/20/2009 10:21 pm

[Chip]

Well you should change that so we can take some inspiration from you! wink

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-Bad Puns... brought to you by my adventures at work-
"What are you guys talking about?"
"Narnia. . . Narnia Buisness!"
"..."

"Can you walk?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because you're acting pretty LAME."
"..."