I went to my cousins birthday party last night. Most boring party ever. I didn't want to go in the first place but I felt rude if I didn't attend. Tho I was barely noticed there anyway so it wouldn't of even mattered if I didn't attend.
For those who don't know much about me, I suffer from a mental illness called 'Social Phobia'. It's very hard to explain for some reason, well no actually. People find it hard to understand I think. I have a phobia of social situations. I rarely talk to anyone unless I have known them for a while. So people think I'm either really shy or extremely rude. My parents don't seem to understand either. They just assume that because I'm older and not a kid anymore that I should jst be able to get over it. But, it's going to take longer than that. I am better than what I was. But I still have my issues. Mainly now, I just can't have a conversation with someone unless I know them and trust them. Maybe I hate talking and don't care to know about the other person. I don't know. I just know that I don't feel nervous in social situations anymore, I just don't talk.
I think that's why I spend so much time online. I have no problem talking to people online because It's just typed words. You would think I would be extroverted online since I love taking pictures and I also like to be on webcam. BUT I don't like talking on the mic. So...what exactly is it? Why can I do everything except talk and converse with people?
I've been to psychologists and psychiatrists and they have helped me somewhat, but I always end up getting stuck in a rut. It's almost like some part of me doesn't want to get better. I'm 22 and I still don't know how to drive. I've been reading the book to do the multiple choice test, but I just can't make myself to the test. I have a diploma that is wasting away because apparently beauty therapists are suppose to be extremely outgoing even tho they work in a field where the main thing they do are facials and massage and seriously, who wants a beauty therapist that will talk their ears off.
Well, I just pretty much feel useless.
 Homicidal Paperdoll · Sun Aug 06, 2006 @ 09:32am · 0 Comments |
