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Things change and it is time to move on... |
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Another day, another sleep-deprived night of me procrastinating on the computer. Recently, right before Valentine's Day, my girlfriend asked me how'd I feel about an open relationship. That one little question almost cost me my relationship with her, as the plan was initially to break up this past Tuesday. I asked to have until then, our 17 month mark, so that I could still give her my Valentine's Day gifts and try one last hurrah of us.
She wanted the open relationship to date one guy in particular, and it just happened to be the one guy that would bother me to see her date more than anyone else. The plans for Tuesday switched a few times before ultimately ending at us staying together in an experimental phase.
At first, I didn't want to do a journal entry about it, saying to myself that it was something I didn't want to type out and share. The fact that Aubrey also has a Gaia account also had something to do with that thought. However, I've kept entries on all the major events of my life so far, so why stop now?
The reason that the guy she wants to date bothers me so much is as what he stands for: another version of me. When I met Aubrey, she was taken. I didn't know it at first, but I didn't actively try for a relationship with her until I knew she wasn't taken anymore. I would have been fine if we had only ended up as friends back then. Like me, this guy didn't know at first that Aubrey was taken, but after finding out, he pursued her for months. When I saw Aubrey on AIM again, something she avoided for the better part of a year, I knew something was up. And my hunch turned out to be correct when she told me that she was online to talk to him.
And she talked to him a lot. So much, that she began to question our relationship. When I brought up my fear, she explained to him that that was almost exactly the way that Aubrey and I started dating and he said he'd back off. And by back off, he meant writing depressing facebook statuses saying stuff like "Even if you have a boyfriend, I would have kissed you if I had caught you under the mistletoe" and started behaving.....rather emo. Aubrey says that some of his friends even stopped talking to him.
But Aubrey did get past that point and decided that she did in fact love me. And she stopped talking to him for a period. But around her midterms she started talking to him again. And he actively tried again to tell her that he loved her. And it got to her. She questioned what else there was while she was tethered down to me and our relationship was almost forfeited to find out.
I compared it to an episode of Family Guy. Peter, along with the rest of the block, had gotten an offer that if they came to a seminar thing, they would win a boat. Each couple was offered the boat or a mystery box. While every couple wanted a boat, Peter wanted the mystery box. His reasoning: it might be a boat. He gave up the guarantee of what he wanted to have a chance of getting what he wanted, but with a high probably of getting something worse.
So we're in an open relationship now, but due to Aubrey not wanting to explain to people about the situation and because her friends were confused what the relationship status "in an open relationship" actually meant, she had us completely remove it from our profiles. It actually meant something to me to have me be the main name of the open relationship and that both my profile her profile showed that
we are dating, but like everything else in the past week of us negotiating the terms for our relationship change, she got her way.
All of this chaos, though, made me think about how much people change. I know it is too early to decide to give up faith that my friend was innocent of the crime she was arrested for, but it is foolish of me to wait. We drifted apart in the lead up to the whole thing and by the time she gets out, the two of us will be completely different people. There wouldn't be a basis of a friendship to fall back to anymore, and we'd essentially be meeting for the first time.
So Cloud......is now Phantom. Goodbye and good luck, Nikki. Thank you for what you contributed to my life and I do hope you are proven innocent, but I need to be freed from my checking on your name on google for updates on your case. And I'm sorry that my help to you was not enough to help you.
And Aubrey, if you do end up reading this like I'm assuming you will, the reason behind this was your comment. We don't know how to be friends, so what will become of us when things change? I hope we can find a way to become friends so that goodbye is not for forever.
 EternallyDevoted · Thu Feb 19, 2009 @ 02:20pm · 1 Comments |
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