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Thank yeh. wink

Lol... and that wasn't even the whole chapter. It was an excerpt :X

Still a fast forum at this hour :O

Still open. biggrin

A magical pig. Who plays basketball. Scratch that... a magic pig who uses a talking basketball.

That's a winner right thar ;D

Not entirely... considering most people I've met on Gaia dont read through things, especially if it's on page two that I'd be posting... so in order to make this new part the subject, it was only logical to start a new thread.

I'm mainly asking a question though, sorry I didn't make that more clear. Lemme edit it in biggrin

I took some of the tips I was given, and revised a little, as well as finished the section I was working on. I left in details I believe will be important. What are your thoughts?

(the post style removed my indents, but I assure you they're there. smile )

Here's the question for those who don't know what I'm blabbering about:
Does first person fit this story...?

It was a warm summer morning. A breeze passed through my window as I got up and got dressed. I yawned as I entered the living room and sat on the chair. My sister Sivi came in and turned the television on.
"Morning, brat," I joked as I ruffled her hair.
"Mom, Frey's being a jerk again," she called.
"Oh would you two quit?" she asked. She knew we were teasing. My little sister and I held a pretty good relationship compared to most other siblings.
"So, what's for breakfast?" I wondered as Sivi turned on Saturday morning cartoons. A rabbit and a duck were portrayed on the screen quarreling.
"Whatever's in the pantry, I think there's still some cereal left," she replied.
"Gotcha. And there's milk too, right?" I asked.
"Why don't you go check the fridge yourself, lazy bum?" Sivi said. I stuck my tongue out at her and got up. I paced barefoot into the tiled kitchen and opened up the fridge. There was a half galon of milk in there, so I used it on some corn flakes.
After finishing breakfast, I put on my swim trunks and a blue t-shirt. My friend Gunther was supposed to meet me at the frog pond again today. I removed my keys from the hook, and gave my mom a kiss. Sivi asked if she could tag along, but I told her maybe next time. Last time I brought her swimming, she cut her foot underwater and we had to rush home.
I hopped on my motorized scooter and steered to Gunther's house. I saw him riding his bicycle ahead of me. I decided to pull along side him. I nodded my head, gesturing down the road. He knew that meant we were going to race. I always found him so goofy... but he's a good guy.
I veered in front of him with my scooter and heard him shout some profane words. I laughed and zoomed ahead. I pulled off down a dirt path that lead to the pond. I laid my scooter against a tree and waited for Gunther to arrive. He raced down the path and skidded on the dirt.
"You suck, bro," he said as he laid his bike and backpack against a close tree. I laughed, and pushed him. "Oh, so this is how it's gonna be, huh?" he joked. We wrestled a bit, and he threw me off a short dropoff, into the lake. It was green and slightly cold at first, but it warmed up soon after. "How's the water, Frey?" he called down.
"It's fine, just hurry up and get in!" I replied. He reached up past a branch of a tree by the ledge and retrieved a rope attached to a branch higher up the tree. The rope swing had been there since we were kids, and was still nice and sturdy.
"Alright, ready?" he yelled. At the count of three, he ran and swung off into the pond, making a big splash. I covered my eyes as the water settled. He surfaced and wiped his eyes. "Rate that one!" he said.
"Eight outta ten. I've seen better splashes from Sivi!" I joked. He splashed me and I ducked underwater. "Race up to the shore," I said as I pushed his head underwater. He came back up and we raced to the sand. I got there first, and climbed up some roots to get back up to the top.
"Heh... can't beat me at everything, Gunth," I said as I looked back down below. I couldn't see him. Had he taken another route up? I looked over the edge. Nothing. "Gunther?" I called. No response. Is he underwater still? "Gunther, this isn't funny. Come out now."
I couldn't just jump back in... if he was underwater, one or both of us could be hurt. So I climbed back down and dove into the shallow water. I strained my eyes through the murky green liquid, but it was no use. I couldnt see anything. I came back up for air, and looked around. Still no Gunther... I tried again for a few moments, and realized my body was shaking. I quickly got out of the water and rushed to the shore again. I ran over to his bicycle and grabbed his phone. I got emergency services on the line.
"911, What is your emergency?" I heard the receptionist say.
"My friend just went missing at the pond in Riverdale! He was right behind me, and then he vanished! I checked underwater but couldn't find him! Please, send someone quickly!" I shouted.
"Sir, please slow down," I heard her say. "That's the pond down Willow Street, right?" she asked me.
"Yes, off Willow and down the dirt road. I'll be waiting here... just please, hurry!" I said.
"I'll dispatch a dive team there immedaitely. It should be about ten minutes, so I suggest you keep searching," she stated. I ended the call and got back in to look for Gunther. After the rescue team showed up and found nothing, they sent me home. I was later questioned and under suspicion of murder.

Sent wink